


Let me break down your walls

by HaleyBuckley



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Scars, Violence, pub owner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2020-09-27 02:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20400517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaleyBuckley/pseuds/HaleyBuckley
Summary: "Aaron Dingle inherits his mum’s pub after she’d recently passed away. The young lad can’t adjust to the pub life on his own and might risk his livelihood when one day a stranger shows up at his pub door turning his life upside down."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever so please be kind. The first chapter isn’t that long but I’ll try my best to make the next ones longer.
> 
> Don’t let the summary fool you the fic is gonna be filled with loads of drama, angst, love, smut and Aaron and Robert :)
> 
> It’s written Aaron centric and from Aarons POV.
> 
> Please have a look at the additional tags before reading.
> 
> Big kuddos to Darsh for being my wonderful Beta and helping me, you’re a star!
> 
> Let me know what you think of it, thank you!

“So that’s the place where it happened, did you see it in the news? There was a big article, it was a right mess,” the black haired boy whispered to the blonde one and nodded to where Aaron was standing behind the bar, putting some glasses away. “That’s him. I heard it was a real drama.” Their beer bottles clinked and they started laughing loudly and looked at Aaron again.

Aaron took a deep breath and kept on putting the glasses away, trying to ignore the them. The two men had strolled into his pub an hour ago and still only had one lager, nothing more. They were laughing and whispering since they got in. They thought he wouldn’t hear their words or see their judgmental looks, but he did. He was this close to throwing them out. If that bloke was going to look at him on more time he’d lose it. Totally lose it. 

He needed all the customers though, so he tried to stay calm. It wasn't like many people stopped by his place anymore. He'd lost it already last week when an older couple kindly gave him a big tip and looked at him with pity and worry. Told him how sorry they were about what happened. Aaron didn’t want their pity though. He didn’t want people to care about him. 

_ You don’t deserve people caring about you. _

So he gave them back their money and shoved them out of the pub, closing up and not opening it again till two days after. Or the other time where this group of bikers stopped at the pub and made a right mess and Aaron just couldn’t handle all the people and noise and he threw them out violently. That got him a split lip and a bruise on his face. 

The boys giggled again “He probably did it himself that freak.” 

That was enough. Aaron jumped and ran around the counter, ripped the beer bottles out of their hands. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY PUB! NOW!”. The blokes got up and came onto Aaron trying to intimidate him, but Aaron smashed the beer bottle against the table and held the shade of glass in front of the boys. “I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!” The men took some steps back. “You’re insane mate!” and ran out of the pub.

“Right, run off ya, pillocks I don’t want you here anyway!” Aaron slammed the beer bottle on the counter, with a sigh. He was just so tired_._

He looked around his pub. No. His mum’s pub. Thinking of her and not seeing her standing behind the counter anymore - pint in one hand and a smile just for him - hurt too deep. It left a sting in his heart. He pushed those thoughts away and downed the pint he pulled himself earlier, in one go, shuddering when the alcohol hit his system.

There were no customers left in the pub so he could as well just close up. There haven’t been many customers in the last months. Of course he'd screw this up as well. Not for the first time, Aaron wondered why he even bothered keeping it open.

He looked at the clock, sighing once more because it was only four in the afternoon and normally the pub would have been full of people. But not anymore. Not after _ he _ happened here. One look at the till made him close his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose. There was barely any money left. He couldn’t do this. 

“That’s one way to get rid of your customers. You’re obviously not having your mother's charm so you should try it with a smile instead of that grumpy look of yours and the customers might actually come back to drink here.” Aaron opened his eyes, seeing Cain standing at the door. This wasn’t gonna end well. The last time Cain tried to talk to Aaron, he ended up with a pint glass narrowly missing him.

He rolled his eyes at him. “Get out.”

“Now, that’s not a nice way to talk to your uncle. Your mum wouldn’t want this for you, son. You need to get a grip, it’s been six months now. She would want you to be happy, you know that,” Cain tried to comfort his nephew. 

He didn’t get the chance to talk to Aaron very often since he rarely left the house anymore. And he was really worried about him. He’d always promised his sister that he'd take care of Aaron if anything were to happen to her. But the man he loved like a son was an idiot sometimes and pushed everyone away. Cain wouldn’t give up though. He’d made a promise.

Aaron looked back at Cain with no emotion on his face. “Shut up. What do you know? I couldn’t save her, how can I move on from that? Just leave me alone. I don't need you, and I don't need_ anyone _.” 

_ You don’t deserve anyone, _ whispered the voice in Aaron's head.

Tears started to swell in his eyes. He looked away, not wanting Cain to see. “Get out. I’m not telling you again!”

“She loved you more than life itself, she never would have let anything happen to you. You know that.” Cain blinked and turned to leave. “Stop throwing your life away. We already lost your mum and we don’t want to lose you too.” His eyes got soft with worry for his nephew. With one last look back at him, he left.

Aaron couldn’t contain his emotions anymore and threw the pint glass at the door where it shattered into pieces. He dug his fingernails deep into his palms and tried to calm down. His breathing got erratic and he felt himself slipping. 

_ It’s your fault. _

He took a deep breath and walked over to close the door. The broken glass crunched under his shoes and made him wince. He stared at the pieces for a while. His mind going to a place it shouldn’t. 

No, he needed to get that thought out of his head. 

He walked around the counter, took the next two best whiskey bottles in his hand and went to the back room.

——————————

When Aaron opened his eyes again, the morning sun was already peeking through the curtains of the kitchen window. He groaned, trying to get himself into a sitting position. Sleeping — or more accurately, passing out — on the couch, really wasn't good for his back _ or _his leg – which still wasn't fully healed. 

He tiredly checked his phone after he found it lying on the floor. There were five missed calls from Moira, three from Cain and Adam texted him twice. He slowly moved himself into a vertical position, dragging his leg to stand on the floor. It still gave him trouble, probably would never be fully healed. 

_ It’s what you deserve _. 

The backroom was a sight. Empty beer cans everywhere and the whiskey bottle on the floor. There were clothes all over the kitchen table and he could smell the day before yesterday's leftovers. It made him feel sick. The living room table was flipped around. How did that happen? 

He rubbed his palms into his eyes, trying to massage his headache away. He felt like shit. His stomach started rumbling and he had to get up in a hurry, hurting his leg while doing so, to get to the kitchen sink in time to throw up yesterday’s alcohol. It was mostly only alcohol since he hadn't eaten yesterday. Again. He slid himself down on the kitchen floor, wiping his mouth. Tiredly, he closed his eyes. He was pathetic. If his mother could see him now she’d tell him off. 

_ But she is not here anymore because of you. _

A loud knock on the front door ripped him out of his thoughts. God, his head was killing him. He needed to look for some painkillers. He had no intention to get up from the kitchen floor now though. The knocking got louder and Aaron was getting annoyed. Can’t people just not leave him alone? He didn’t want their pity, their kind, well meant words. He didn’t deserve it.

“Hello anyone there? Hello?” Aaron heard someone yell at the front door. 

The person didn’t seem to leave so Aaron slowly and angrily got up and made his way to the front of the pub, his leg limping more than usual. He really should sleep in his own bed tonight. If he could make it upstairs, that is. 

The broken pint glass was still in front of the door. 

He kicked the shards of glass with his foot and bent down to shove a bigger piece away with his hand, accidentally cutting himself.

“Goddamnit” Aaron looked at his bloody hand. That was really what he needed right now. The banging on the door got louder.

He unlocked the door, opened it fast. “Stop it with the banging! We’re closed and we’re not opening up anytime soon. So do one.”

“Hi I’m Ro- Oh, you’re ... mate you’re bleeding, let me…please…” the stranger took a tissue out of his pocket and put it on Aaron’s palm, careful not to hurt him, and pressed down on the wound." 

Aaron was so surprised by his touch, he forgot to breath for a second.

Aaron looked from the stranger, to his hand, then back to the stranger. The man smiled at him softly and Aaron noticed his green blue eyes and the freckles on his face. He was absolutely stunning. When the shock wore off, Aaron blinked and hastily pulled his hand away “Don’t … don’t touch me. I told you we’re closed.”

The blond guy looked confused at him “Sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you but you should really keep pressure on that,” he nodded towards Aaron’s still bleeding palm. “I saw the sign in the window saying you’re looking for help so I thought I’d ask. Do you ... need any help?”

Aaron looked confused at the stranger this time. The man looked over to the pub window where a piece of paper was offering a job at the pub. His mum must have put it there before ... before_ him _. He clenched his fist making the blood ooze out even more, dripping on the floor now. “As I said before, we’re closed and not looking for new staff! Go. Away.”

The man looked a bit disappointed at him “Oh, ok. Sorry. I’ll go then. You really should get someone to look at that.” He turned away, hitching his rucksack over his back and smiling once more at Aaron, with a nod goodbye.

For the first time, Aaron really looked at the tall man. He had golden blonde hair, was dressed in jeans and a maroon jumper and had a jacket in one hand. He only had the big rucksack with him. He kept on looking at him and saw him then crossing the road. The man looked a bit lost, not knowing where to go. He turned around once more and looked directly at Aaron, who immediately looked away.

Aaron sighed and shook his thoughts away. He banged the pub door closed and locked it, hissing when he hit his still bleeding hand against it. He looked at the mess in the pub but ignored it, grabbed a couple of beer cans out of the fridge and went back to the living room to switch the telly on. He slumped on the couch, trying not to hurt his leg again. He sloppily wrapped a band aid he found in the kitchen drawer around his hand, not caring too much if it was clean or not. Then he washed down some pain killers with beer. Seemed like it’d be another day with beer and telly as his only company. Aaron was fine with that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I did it, chapter 2 is here :) this time a bit longer than the first one!
> 
> Enjoy everyone.
> 
> Thanks again to my wonderful Beta! You're a true star.
> 
> Let me know what you think :)

_No please don’t. _

_ You don’t have to do that. _

_ God, no._

_ No. Mum, no. _

_ Don’t touch her. _

“Aaron.”

_ Get away from her. Please. No - _

“Aaron, wake up.” 

_ NO! - _

“Come on Aaron, please open your eyes.”

Aaron bolted up, knocking empty beer cans and his phone off the couch in the process. He couldn’t breath and he felt sick. He could still see her face, see her falling, not getting up. He could see his own face. Looking at him. Blaming him. He felt like throwing up when suddenly strong arms embraced him and rubbed his back slowly.

“It’s alright Aaron, you’re safe. It’s just me.” Paddy softly whispered in his ear. Aaron’s breathing calmed down and he warily opened his eyes. He was used to having nightmares. He had them most nights but this one felt incredibly real and his hands wouldn't stop shaking. It was like he’d been back there. 

“There he is. You ok now?” 

Aaron shakily pushed away from his stepdad and sat back down on the couch. “What are you doing here?” 

Paddy smiled at him and lightly punched Aaron’s arm, laughing. Aaron couldn’t help but flinch away from the touch. 

“Do I need a reason to visit my favorite son?!” 

Aaron shook his head and rolled his eyes. 

“Well, ok, Cain might have called me this morning and told me about your bad mood yesterday and I just wanted to check if you were alright. Are you alright?” Paddy noticed the bandage on his hand, sat down next to him and tried to grab his hurt hand. “What happened there Aaron?” 

Aaron pulled his hand away “Nothing happened.” 

Paddy raised his eyebrows “Don’t lie to me.” 

Aaron closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m not lying. I broke a glass and cut myself when I was cleaning it up. That’s all.” 

Paddy didn’t seem convinced though. “Can I have a look at it and clean it up. It looks like you need a new bandage.” Aaron pulled his hand away and looked out of the window, not wanting to see Paddy's reaction.

His stepdad coughed quietly. “Right. Brew and toast then?” 

“I’m not hungry.” Aaron sighed.

Paddy laughed. “I meant you making me one. This is not how you treat your guests, is it?” He got up and walked over to the fridge. 

Aaron was still sitting on the couch, not wanting to get up. “I didn’t invite you, did I?” He smelled his shirt and decided he should head for a shower later. Maybe if he could be bothered.

“There’s no milk. Actually there’s nothing at all in here. When did you last go to the shops?” Paddy questioned him with a worried face. It couldn’t be that there was no food in the fridge. He made spaghetti sometime this week. Or was it last week? When was the last time he had a warm meal? His stomach grumbled. “Do you want me to go to the shops and get you something?” Paddy closed the fridge again. 

“No, no it’s fine, I’ll do it myself. Actually, would you mind heading off now? I need a shower.” 

Paddy nodded and made his way to the door. “You sure you don’t want me to get you something?”

Aaron was starting to get annoyed now, could feel his anger rising. “Don’t do that.” 

Paddy looked at him in confusion. 

“Don’t. Please don’t patronize me Paddy, alright?” 

Paddy bit his lip. “Then for god's sake, Aaron, stop this and get your life back on track. Your mum wouldn’t want you to-” 

Aaron got up from the couch and balled his fists. He could feel his head throbbing. 

His dad sighed once more. “Rhona wanted me to invite you to tea on Sunday. You’re coming, right?” 

Aaron stared at the wall behind Paddy’s head, avoiding the older man's gaze. “I’ll see. Can you please go now?” Paddy nodded and left quietly. 

Aaron let out a loud breath and pushed the palms of his hand into his eyes until he saw white lights. He was so tired of this. 

_ You’re weak and pathetic. _

He looked at his bandaged hand. He definitely needed to change those bandages when he got the chance later. His stomach growled again. Food. Yes. He needed food.

Slowly, he made his way over to the kitchen, knocking some more beer cans out of the way. The fridge was indeed empty. The thought of leaving the house made him shudder though. Maybe he should have let Paddy get him some stuff after all. No. He needed to do it. He zipped up his black hoodie and put the hood over his head, grabbed his keys and wallet and left the house through the back door.

——————————

It was sunny outside but not too warm and Aaron felt a fresh breeze against his cheeks. Taking two deep breaths, he tried to calm himself. He could do this. It’d been a while since he’d been out in the village. He looked over to David’s shop, then took in his surroundings. Not many people were out at the moment. He calmed down a bit and slowly made his way towards the shop.

“Uncle ‘Ron where you going?” He felt someone pull at his leg, making him look down. Standing next to him was a little girl with blonde braids and pink bows tying them in place, a big grin on her face. “Can you come and play with me uncle ‘Ron? Mummy always says I can’t ask you because you’re sad and grumpy, but I can make you smile. I promise. I want to go on the swings.” 

Aaron stared at the little girl, all of a sudden having lost the ability to speak. 

“Lillian Sarah Barton, what did I tell you about leaving the house without saying anything.” Victoria stormed out of keepers cottage, seemingly upset about Lilly going off on her own. 

She looked up and noticed Aaron standing there. “Oh, Aaron hi, it’s … it’s good to see you. Out of the house. How- ” Lilly grabbed Aaron by the hand, happily trying to pull him towards the playground. 

Aaron started gasping, “I- no, I can’t. I’m sorry. No.” He ripped his hand out off the little girl’s grip. 

Lily looked up at him, face pulling down in disappointment.

“Aw, sweetheart, daddy will go to the swings with you later. Why don’t you head back inside and we’ll see if the cookies are ready yet?” Vic softly stroked Lily's hair and sent her off. 

The girl turned around and waved at Aaron. “Bye uncle ‘Ron! Next time, I’ll make you smile, I promise.” 

Aaron gulped and looked at his old friend. “Vic, I- ” 

Her face softened and she took Aaron’s hand in her own. Aaron visibly flinched at her touch. “You’re alright. It’s ok. I mean it, it’s good to see you out of the house.” Aaron tried to smile back at her. She got closer, carefully, so as not to surprise him again, and kissed him on the cheek. “Adam misses you. Text him when you have the time, ok? He misses his best friend a lot and someone needs to beat him at GTA again. I’m really not good at it.” 

Aaron nodded and watched Vic walk back to Keepers Cottage. He already felt drained and tired from the encounter. He could have just ordered take away, but then he remembered the empty till in the pub. No. He needed to get the food and get back home as fast as he could. 

——————————

Aaron slowly opened the door to David’s shop, lurking by the entrance to see who was around. It was just David standing behind the counter, sorting some stuff. Quietly, he picked up a basket and started getting the things he needed. He definitely needed milk, it’d been a while since he had nice, warm brew. His stomach growled again.

“Ah, Aaron, hey! I didn’t notice you coming in. You alright? Haven't seen you in awhile.” 

Aaron was startled and turned to face him. “Yeah, hi.” He brought his focus back to his shopping list, not wanting to talk more. 

“Sorry we haven’t been to the pub in a while. Things were a bit busy, but we plan on going this weekend.” David assured.

Aaron knew people were avoiding him, but it was alright, he didn’t want anyone hanging around anyway. He got the last of his articles and walked over to the counter. 

David looked at the microwave meals and laughed. “I used to eat them all the time when I was a student and lived alone up in Leeds.” 

Aaron started to get nervous, the conversation overwhelming him. David sensed Aaron getting uncomfortable and finished scanning the articles without more chatter. 

“Right, that’s £40 then please.” 

Aaron got his card out and gave it to David. The card reader made a funny noise. “I’m sorry but it says it’s been declined. I’ll try again.” The noise started again. 

Aaron coughed, trying to avoid David’s questioning gaze “I’ve got no cash with me.” He started to turn around to leave. 

“Wait, it’s fine, you take it and I’ll note it down. You can pay next time, alright?” David gave him his card back. 

“No, you don’t have to do that.” 

David just smiled at him. Aaron hated it when people smiled at him like that, like he was weak and helpless. Like they pitied him. It was the truth though wasn’t it?

_ You’re broken. _

He grabbed his card and the groceries, and left the shop in a hurry without saying more. He heard David yell after him, asking if he shouldn’t be careful with his leg, but he wasn’t really listening anymore. He needed to get home.

——————————

Aaron was caught up in his own thoughts, when suddenly he slammed into something. No, _ someone _. And that someone grabbed him by his shoulders to stop him from falling over. All the shopping was lying on the street now. His day couldn’t get any worse. 

“Watch where you’re going, you idiot!” Aaron looked up and stared into the most beautiful green blue eyes again. It was the bloke from yesterday. 

“You again! What- ” The blonde stranger was still holding his shoulders, as he smiled at him. “Everything alright? You looked a bit stressed coming out of the shop. Did you get your hand looked at?” 

Aaron shook off the man's hands. “Not your business.” 

The blond guy frowned but didn’t stop smiling. “So I take it you didn’t change your mind about looking for new staff? I really could use the money.” 

Aaron started to pick up his shopping and shook his head. “How many times do I need to tell you we’re not hiring? I don’t need anyone.” The man held up an apple that had rolled out of the bag, and he grabbed it.

That’s when their fingers touched slightly. Neither of them moved away. Aaron noticed the man's blonde hair sparkle in the sunlight, and the cute constellation of tiny freckles under his left eye. He pulled his hand back like he was electrocuted. 

The man sighed. “Well, then I’ll have to get my stuff and try the next town. I really don’t fancy another night out at the bus stop. The bench is ancient and I think I got myself a splinter in my arm from it.” 

“You slept at the bus stop last night?” Guilt rushed over him. They both looked over to the little hut that was the bus stop. It was really old and the weather hadn’t really been warm lately so it must have been cold last night. Aaron remembered how sleeping on that tiny bench felt. He’d stayed there a couple of times when he was too drunk to get home. 

The man shrugged his shoulders “The B&B over there was fully booked and there was no bus till the morning so I had to crash there. I had hoped I‘d find a place to stay longer. It’s really nice here and I could do with a break.“ 

Aaron couldn’t help himself and stared at the man’s lips. They looked pink and soft and he wondered how they would feel. 

He shook his head,clearing it of such thoughts. He didn’t even know if the guy was gay, and besides, he didn’t need anyone. 

“Right, good luck. I need to go.” Aaron started walking towards the pub. He was hungry and starting to get a headache. 

The man made his way back to the bus stop and picked up his rucksack.

Aaron opened the pub door and looked straight at the picture of him and his mum standing in front of the pub, smiling all proud. It’d been the opening of the woolpack, and his mum had been so happy and excited to finally own her own pub. He felt that lump in his throat again. He remembered that day clearly, sitting outside the pub with his mum at the end of the night, as she put her arms around him and told him that all she wanted was for him to be happy. To fight for his happiness. She’d kissed him on the nose then, even as he tried to avoid it by ducking away, giggling. She’d hugged him tight. The memory warmed his heart but also hurt deeply.

_ You don’t deserve to be happy ever again. _

He once more looked at the picture on the wall and suddenly dropped the shopping bag on the floor and turned back around. 

“You could stay a night here if you want!” 

The tall man stopped in his tracks and looked back at Aaron. “Are … are you sure? I don’t want to cause any trouble.” 

No, Aaron wasn’t sure. Why on earth did he just say that? He didn’t even know the bloke’s name, he could be an ax killer or something. 

“Erm I don’t know. I can’t offer you any work but I think a night would be ok so you can figure out where to go next? I guess.“ Something about the man made Aaron want him to stay. 

The stranger walked towards him and held his hand out to shake. “I‘m Robert, Robert Sugden. Thank you for your offer, I really appreciate it. I promise I won’t be in your way.” 

Aaron hesitated for a bit, but then took the man's hand. “Aaron Dingle.” He felt the electricity from earlier run up his arm again. 

Robert smiled at him. “Can I come in then? I really need the toilet, if that’s alright.” 

“Oh, yeah, ‘course.“ Aaron stepped aside, letting the man in. He totally forgot about the glass in the hallway though. “Sorry for the mess, I was just about to clean it up.” 

Robert waved off his apology. “Toilets?” 

Aaron pointed towards the restrooms and watched the blonde until he disappeared. 

Why on earth did he invite him? This was a bad idea. He hated having people around, it made him feel nervous and edgy. He looked around the pub, stopping at the front of the counter. There was a big scratch on the wooden floor. 

Suddenly, his mind was clouded by memories of that day. Him on the floor, getting away. Dragging his hurt leg behind him. Someone yelling. He felt his breathing speed up and he had to lean on the counter of the bar. 

The sudden bang of a door made him jump.

“So where’s that room I can stay in? Of course I’ll pay for it.” 

Aaron looked over to Robert, trying to get his breathing back to normal.

“You alright mate?” the blonde man said with worry in his voice.

Aaron just looked at Robert. “Y- yeah,” he stuttered a bit. “You don’t need to pay, I don’t use the spare room anyway, you can sleep there.” 

They both made their way to the back room. Robert following him quietly. 

The mess in the backroom was terrible. Aaron had forgotten that he still hadn’t cleared up his mess from the last days. He panicked and wanted Robert out of the house immediately. 

“You had a party or something last night?” 

“Or something,” Aaron snarked. “Your room is up there, second door to the left.” 

Robert took his shoes off. “Would it be ok if I put my stuff upstairs and rested for a bit? It’s been a couple of stressful days, traveling and all.” Aaron nodded and watched Robert go upstairs. 

God this place was a mess, and he needed to clean up. He felt ashamed that Robert was seeing it in such a state. Why did he even care about that though? He stopped caring about what others thought ages ago. Why was this stranger different? 

Aaron started picking up his clothes and putting them in the washing. He put the shopping away and threw all the beer cans and empty whiskey bottles away. Filled the dishwasher. At least you could walk around the room now without stumbling over stuff. He sat down on the couch to take a break. He felt tired. He hadn’t done that much in a while, especially not going out in the village. He felt exhausted. 

“You need a hand with the table?” Robert stood in the door frame. The table was still flipped over. Aaron slowly stood up from the couch wincing when he put too much pressure on his leg. Robert didn’t seem to notice or just didn’t comment on it. Together they flipped over the table and sat down on the couch next to each other. Their legs were slightly touching and Aaron shuffled away getting more distance between them. 

“Your bandage looks dirty. Do you have a new one?” 

Aaron folded his arms and looked away. “Don’t tell me what to do, it doesn’t concern you.” 

“Sorry. Noted. No questions. I should get some food from the shops so I can make myself something to eat. You hungry too? Sorry, I am doing it again.” The blonde got up from the couch, making his way towards the back door. 

“You can use the stuff I just bought if you want. I’m not hungry.” 

Robert stopped, turning to look at the bag of shopping on the dining table, and then at Aaron, in surprise.

“Hey, I could make us some lasagna if you fancy it? My mum had the best recipe for it.” 

Aaron looked at Robert and thought he saw sadness in his eyes for a second. 

“I said I’m not hungry!” Aaron got up, feeling himself getting annoyed, and tried to put some distance between them by disappearing through to the pub. He didn’t need another person fussing about him. He knew it would be a bad idea to offer the room to this stranger. He sighed and started to clean up the glass from the floor, put the chairs on the table and stood behind the counter looking at the empty pub. 

Once, there was so much life in here. He checked the till again and the beer barrels. He needed to make a decision about the pub soon.It wouldn’t work like this for longer, he knew that. 

Suddenly a good smell reached the pub room and startled Aaron. The food smelled wonderful. Turning the lights off, he made his way back to the living room. Robert was standing in the kitchen putting plates out when he looked up and saw Aaron. 

“I hope it’s ok I used your stuff. I was really in the mood for lasagna. You sure you don’t want anything? I made enough.” 

Aaron shook his head but his stomach disagreed.. 

“Right, I’m off to my room then, to eat this. Gonna call it an early night. I’m knackered. Goodnight, Aaron and thank you again for letting me stay.” Robert walked past him and quietly closed the door after himself. 

Aaron was frozen to the spot and didn’t know what to do. This felt weird. It was like he almost actually wanted Robert to stay and sit with him. It’d been a while since he had a nice meal with someone other than his telly and a can of beer. 

He sat down in the kitchen and looked over at the leftover lasagna still sitting in the oven. He really was hungry though. So he took a plate and put some of Robert’s lasagna on it. He took a bite and found it very tasty. Quickly the meal was done. He didn’t think he was that hungry, but he really was. 

He washed some painkillers down with whiskey, took another beer can, and sat down on the couch with the telly, volume down, so he wouldn’t disturb Robert upstairs. He wondered if he was already asleep. Why did he care about that? He drank down his first beer and grabbed another one. The quiet sound of the telly lulled him to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally chapter 3 :)
> 
> Let me know what you think <3

Aaron heard a noise in the distance, and the smell of fresh coffee hit his nose. He groaned and tried to roll over which made him fall down to the floor with a loud thunk. Right, so he slept on the couch again. He immediately felt a shooting pain running down his leg. 

He slowly opened his tired eyes to find Robert standing in front of him, holding a cup of coffee up to his face. “Good morning. The sun’s already shining, seems like it’s gonna be a nice day.” 

“What-?” He tried to shuffle away from the other man's presence. 

“Not a morning person then,” Robert smiled at him, holding his hand out to help Aaron get up. 

Aaron knocked his hand away and got himself up. “You’re a right ray of sunshine aren’t you. Are you always in such a good mood? That must be exhausting.” 

Robert picked up his coffee mug. “I really had a good night's sleep, which I don’t think I can say about you. That couch doesn’t look comfy, do you not have a bed to sleep in?” 

Aaron rolled his eyes, annoyed, and took a sip of his coffee. “It’s too early and you talk too much.” 

The coffee actually tasted good and made his mind feel clearer. The blonde man must have been up for a while. Aaron noticed the living room table and kitchen had been cleaned up.

Robert sat down at the kitchen table, checking his phone and quietly drank his coffee. Aaron sat down on the couch again and looked for his phone too, he promised to text Adam this morning, hadn’t he? 

Robert coughed slightly making Aaron look up at him. “So you live alone here? No girlfriend? Family?” 

Aaron scrunched up his face. “Not that this is any of your business but, there's no family, and no girlfriend. I’m not really into women if you know what I mean.” 

The man looked back at him, surprised. Why did he tell him he was gay? “You got a problem with that?” He barked at Robert loudly.

“No, no of course not, why would I? I was just wondering if you live alone in this big place? The pub is beautiful by the way. I bet people love drinking here. Why are you not opening up?” Robert smiled. 

Aaron put the coffee mug on the table forcefully. “So when are you going to leave? I've got stuff to do.” 

Robert swallowed drily. “Right I’m gonna get out of your hair and see if the shop down the road’s got some maps so I can figure out where to go next, and then I’ll get my stuff and leave ok?”

Robert put his jacket on and walked past Aaron without looking back. “I hope you liked the lasagna.” 

Aaron winced at that and wanted to say something but couldn’t get the words out. He cursed himself a bit for being rude to Robert. The man had been nothing but nice to him.

_ You don’t deserve people being nice to you. _

Aaron sighed, folded the blanket and put it back on the couch. He really should have a shower, he smelt awful and he’d been wearing this shirt for two days now. He slowly made his way up the stairs and grabbed some towels from his bedroom. He hadn’t been in there for a while because he mostly crashed on the couch. 

On the way to the bathroom he passed the spare room where Robert had stayed last nite. He couldn’t resist a peek inside. Robert's rucksack was lying on the floor with some clothes next to it. On the bed was a black diary, and Aaron could see a picture sticking out of it. He hesitated for a moment, then eventually went in the room and looked at the diary. 

He really shouldn’t snoop in Robert's stuff, this wasn’t a good idea, but something about the man intrigued him. He quickly took the picture out of the book and looked at it. There was Robert and what Aaron thought must be his Father and Mother on it. There was also an older looking man standing next to him. Probably his brother. It must have been some years ago, when they took it, because Robert clearly looked younger. He smiled and seemed happy. Aaron softly touched Robert's face on the picture. 

What was he doing here? He closed his eyes for a moment, and dropped the diary and picture back on the bed and went to the bathroom.

He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked awful. There were dark circles under his eyes and his beard needed a trim. His hair was longer than he normally liked to wear it and his eyes had lost their colour a little. With a sigh, he pulled his jumper over his head and his tracksuit bottoms down. He looked down at his leg and pushed hard on the long scar and winced. Flashbacks found their way into his mind. After all this time his leg still wasn’t fully healed, which was his own fault really, since he couldn’t stop picking at the wound. Sleeping on the couch didn’t make it any better either. His fingers traced down his arm and followed the lines of tiny silvery scars. He was disgusting. He put both of his hands on the sink and closed his eyes, all energy drained from him. 

Minutes later, he finally made his way into the shower. Once in, he didn’t want to get out again. He didn’t realise how much he needed this. The warm water stung the new wound on his hand. Maybe the water was a bit too hot, maybe he scrubbed his skin a bit too roughly, but when he got out of the shower 30 minutes later he felt clean and his mind felt a bit clearer. He put on some jeans and his favourite black hoodie and made his way downstairs again.

It was around lunchtime now, but Robert hadn’t come back yet. He must have scared him away, like he always did, with everyone.

_ Everyone hates you because it’s your fault.  _

He felt himself getting hungry, so he started making some toast, when all of a sudden a phone rang. He didn’t recognize the ringtone at first, but then saw Robert's phone lying on the kitchen table. 

He put the bread away and looked at the phone. The caller ID showed “Dad." Aaron hesitated for a bit but then grabbed the phone and answered it. “Hello?” 

The voice on the other end coughed. “Didn’t think you’d pick up son, where on earth are you Robert? You can’t run off like this.” 

Aaron swallowed, he didn’t like the tone of this man. “Robert’s not here.” 

He heard rustling down the other end of the phone. “Who are you? Are you one of his fuck boys? You’re the reason he left. Where is he? I need to talk to him!” 

Aaron felt himself getting angry. “I don’t think he wants to talk to you, and like I said before he is not here, and even if he was I wouldn’t let you speak to him. Who do you think you are?” 

Aaron felt a hand on his shoulder and Robert quickly took the phone away from him. “What do you want Dad?” Robert turned his back to Aaron and made his way out to the pub.

Aaron was baffled. What just happened? Was that guy really Robert’s father? What did he mean by Robert's fuck boys? 

He heard yelling from the pub and walked closer to the door. He didn’t mean to pry but the walls weren’t very thick so he picked up a couple of bits that Robert was angrily yelling into the phone.

“What, do you really expect me to come back after the stunt you pulled, Dad?” Aaron heard Robert say, getting all worked up. “Fine, I don’t need your money anyway, I can live on my own. Don’t call me again.” 

Aaron heard Robert kick something, probably a chair. He took a step back from the door because he didn’t want Robert to think he was deliberately listening to his phone call. 

The pub door opened and Robert came in with red cheeks and teary eyes. He looked directly at Aaron who couldn’t hold the gaze of the other man and had to look away. 

“Sorry about that.” Robert sounded tired. Aaron shook his head. “It’s alright. Was that really your Dad?” 

Robert looked out of the window avoiding Aaron's eyes. “I am just gonna get my stuff then I’ll get out of your hair.” The blonde man turned to leave but Aaron put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He felt that special electricity running through his arm again. He didn’t know why but he couldn’t let Robert leave like this. 

“Robert.” It was the first time Aaron said the other man's name out loud. 

Robert exhaled loudly. “Yeah, that was my Dad. Wanting me to come home and when I said no, he told me he’d close my bank account and cut my money off.” 

Aaron let go of Robert's shoulder. “Oh -” Rob shook his head. “Not your problem though, just let me get my stuff so I can go ok?” He rushed upstairs and Aaron heard him moving around in the spare room getting his things together. 

The thought of Robert leaving like this made Aaron feel anxious.

Two minutes later he was back standing in the living room. Aaron noticed that Robert's hands were shaking and he seemed very upset. “Thank you for letting me stay. Goodbye Aaron.” 

The man turned to leave when Aaron took the rucksack out of his hands and coughed slightly. “If, if you don’t have any money at the moment, you can stay here a couple more nights if you want. I guess. I have enough space and you could ask my Uncle Cain if he’s got any work for you, he owns the garage down the road. Just, just don’t get in my way ok?” Aaron's heart started beating faster. Why was that?

Robert looked surprised at Aaron. This was probably the most Aaron had talked to him since he allowed him to stay. 

“You don’t have to do that. It’s ok, I’ll find somewhere else to stay.” Robert looked towards the door but Aaron shook his head and started picking at the bandage on his hand nervously. “No it’s ok. You can stay. I know how it feels to not be wanted.” 

Robert finally looked at Aaron and smiled softly, moving forward to touch his shoulder but Aaron took a step back and looked away awkwardly. “Right, I'd better get my stuff back upstairs then, if that’s alright? Thank you Aaron, really,” with that he went out of the room and left Aaron on his own.

Aaron rubbed his forehead. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he let the lad just go? He didn’t want any company, he didn’t need anyone.

_ You’ll hurt him too. _

The afternoon went quietly and Aaron hadn’t done much besides watch boring tv shows and have a nap. Robert hadn’t been downstairs again, he was probably getting some rest. 

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Adam stuck his head into the room. “Yo, mate I thought you’d text me this morning? Also Lill’s doing my head in because she wants to go to the swings with uncle ‘Ron,” Adam imitated the voice of his daughter. He went over to Aaron and sat down next to him on the couch, putting some letters and papers on the table. “Those were lying in front of the pub door, you should really empty your letter box.” 

He held a letter in front of Aaron's face. “This seems important though.” 

Aaron took it out of Adam's hand and looked at it. It said “HMP Hotten” on it. His face fell and he crumpled the paper and threw it away, his breathing getting faster. Adam‘s eyes went soft as he touched Aarons leg. “I know it’s hard but-” 

Aaron pushed away from Adam, breathing heavy now. “You don’t know anything. Why’s everyone pretending to know how I’m feeling. If you just came here to lecture me again, there’s the door Ads, I don’t need this.” 

He started getting up but Adam took his arm stopping him from standing. “Don’t ok? I’ll shut up.” Aaron sat back on the couch closing his eyes. He was so tired of people telling him what he should do or how he should feel.

Adam coughed “I’m also bringing gifts by the way. Vic made some pie yesterday and you know her, always making too much, so she thought you’d like some of it." He put the pie on the table. Aaron nodded. 

“You know you should really come around on the weekend, I could use a gaming partner. Vic is just too bad at playing,” Adam laughed “And Lilly misses you. She always complains that I can’t braid her hair like you do, with the special twirl on the end.”

Aaron's face softened. He misses the little girl who is so much like Adam. The same smile, the same eyes, the same attitude. “I might pop around sometime, when I can yeah?”

Adam sighed. “Yeah.” They both fell quiet for a moment, just sitting next to each other.

“So when are you gonna open the pub again? I could also use a hand at the yard and you could get some extra cash if you want!” Adam said with a lump in his throat. 

Aaron really loved Adam, he did, but sometimes he just couldn’t let it drop and leave him alone. 

Aaron abruptly got off from the couch, took the pie and went over to the kitchen, turning away from Adam. 

“Sorry Aaron, I didn’t mean to-” “Yes you did and you can stop that right now. I don’t wanna open it again at the moment, ok? It’s not working I can’t do this, not without-” Aaron's shoulders sagged down and he had to lean on the kitchen counter because he felt himself getting dizzy. 

Adam stood up from the couch. “Yes you can and you know she’d want this for you, living your life, being happy! I can’t stand seeing you ruin your life any longer. Chas would want you to move on.” 

Blood rushed into Aaron's head and he let go of the kitchen counter and angrily headed towards where Adam was standing. His fists balled tightly, he could feel his nails digging into the skin of his palm. “Don’t talk about her. Adam I swear if you-”

“Aaron are you ok? What’s going on?” A voice from the hallway interrupted the two men arguing in the living room. 

Adam turned around to face Robert standing in the door. “Who’s this?” He looked questioning back at Aaron who rolled his eyes and stormed out of the living room through to the bar. He needed a drink. All this talk about his Mum was too much, he couldn't handle it. 

He made his way down to the basement to get another whisky bottle. He noticed that not much alcohol was left in the cellar. He went back up, grabbed a glass and sat down at one of the bar tables. He hoped Adam finally would have left and Robert wouldn’t ask any questions. He was done talking. He downed his glass of whisky when he hear muffled voices out of the living room. So Adam hadn’t left yet.

“Well if you’re his best mate why are you upsetting him so much?” Robert threw at Adam who groaned loudly. “You have no idea, you don’t know him. I’m surprised he let you stay anyway.” Adam answered back to Robert. “I love Aaron, he’s like my brother. He’s dealing with stuff and he’s not really great at it. We’re all just worried.” He heard Adam say. 

Great, was he also gonna tell him what a nutcase he was, drinking too much and having self harm issues. He downed another glass of whisky. Why was this happening? Two days ago he was on his own, with just his beer and telly, and not people standing in his living room discussing him and his fucked up life. 

“Maybe you should actually listen to what Aaron wants instead of telling him what to do?” Robert addressed Adam again. Aaron heard shuffling and thought Adam was coming through to the pub but instead he heard the back door being opened. “Well good luck with that, he’s not very talkative. Please tell him I’m sorry and that Vic, Lilly and me really would love to see him at the weekend. We miss him.” With that the back door closed.

Aaron already had his third whisky by the time Robert softly knocked on the pub door. “Aaron can I come through or do you want to be alone?” 

He already felt the alcohol clouding his mind, so he just mumbled a quiet “Whatever.” 

The blonde man appeared in the pub and looked at Aaron. He noticed the whisky bottle on the table, grabbed a glass from the counter and sat opposite Aaron. “Can I?” Aaron opened the bottle and poured himself another glass and filled Robert's. 

They sat quietly till it got dark and Aaron couldn’t remember if they even talked. The silence was calming him. Or could it have been the other man's presence? Then once again the alcohol made him fall asleep.

\-----------------------------

Something tickled his nose and Aaron rolled over but did not, as expected, hit the floor. Instead he felt soft material under his body. He opened his eyes rapidly to realize he was actually lying in his bed. In his bedroom. When was the last time he actually slept in his bed? He couldn’t remember. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. His head hurt. How much had he had to drink last night and how did he end up here? He just knew he hadn’t felt that calm for a while. He even could fight the urge to use the pocket knife hidden in his top drawer. He looked at the clock and sat up. Next to the bed were towels and a bucket which made Aaron bite his lip. Ok, that cleared up how drunk he was yesterday.

He got up and made his way out into the hallway, listening if Robert was up already but the spare room was quiet. The door was only half closed and Aaron couldn’t resist to peek through the gap. Robert was still in bed, lying on his stomach, arms tucked under the pillow. His duvet had half fallen off the bed so his back was exposed, he was only wearing boxers. Aaron noticed more freckles on his back and wondered how it’d feel to run his fingers along the man's spine. His eyes wandered to the man’s bottom and he caught his breath. 

What on earth was he doing here? He stumbled backwards, and his toe on the door, which made him hiss out in pain. He put his hand over his mouth to not wake up Robert. He waited if Robert would stir or wake, but he was just changing his position in the bed. Quietly Aaron stepped away from the door and went downstairs.

The clock said 9 am, what was actually early for Aaron to be up. He could really do with some painkillers and coffee, and he could make some breakfast too. He wanted to do something for the man still sleeping upstairs. This feeling was new and Aaron didn’t know what to do with it so he concentrated on making coffee and toast. The fridge wasn’t exactly full, so he noted down some stuff he had to get from the shops later.

“Morning.” He heard a tired voice behind him and he turned around. Robert slowly made his way to the kitchen. Only dressed in his boxers and a white T-shirt as he lazily sat himself down on the kitchen chair. “Coffee?” “Oh yes please, you’re a savior.” Aaron winced hearing that word but pushed his thoughts away. 

He put the coffee mug in front of Robert and sat down next to him taking a sip from his own cup. “I have no idea how I ended up in my room, but I haven’t slept that well for ages. How did I get there?” Aaron shyly looked at Robert who started laughing. “Well I guess Mr Jack Daniels made you a bit tired and immobile so I helped you up the stairs. You were heading for the couch again but I didn’t think it’d do your back and leg any good, so I helped you up. Sorry if I overstepped here.” 

So he’d noticed Aaron's limp in his leg. He cursed himself for appearing so weak, but was distracted by Robert genuinely smiling at him. “I’m glad you had a good sleep.” 

Aaron coughed. “I noticed the bucket and towels next to the bed, I did not-, did I?” The man started laughing. “No, no you didn’t, don’t worry. Besides, I've cleaned up my brother's sick many times.” Aaron shifted his gaze away blushing. 

The toast jumped out of the toaster as Aaron grabbed it. They ate together in silence before Robert started to speak again. “I’m sorry about my Dad yesterday. You know it's difficult. I was supposed to work at his company but I guess I had other plans, and he didn’t like it.” 

Aaron knew too well how that felt. Not being enough, not fulfilling your Dad's wishes. A flashback appeared before his eyes and made him wince. 

“He called me one of your fuck boys.” Aaron looked at Robert and the blonde man sighed deeply as he got restless in his seat. “He caught me in the office twice, having the secretary over his desk, and the second time with someone’s dick in my mouth, and he didn’t take it that well. He threw the bloke out and barred me from the company for days. He didn’t talk to me. My brother tried to help, but he was always the golden boy and stood behind our Dad in the end. So I left without a word. I guess he blames the boy I had a fling with for distracting me from work and for making me leave even though he was the one making me leave.” 

Aaron’s eyes widened. “So you’re gay?” “Bisexual, I’m bisexual.” Robert said shyly. “Oh right. Well I’m sorry your Dad reacted that way. He should’ve supported you!” Aaron tried to reassure him.

You’re a mistake, you never should have been born.

The blonde let his shoulders sag. “That’s why I don’t want to go back home, and now that he's cut off my money, I really need to find a job.” Aaron nodded. “What about your Mum? How did she take it? I mean you being bi?” 

Robert's face dropped. “She’s dead. She died. Car accident. Another driver missed the red lights. That was six years ago.” Aaron’s eyes swelled up with tears. “Sorry, God I’m dumping this all on you. I promised to not bother you.” He took his plate and mug as he got up to go to the kitchen. “My Mum died six months ago.” The words got stuck in Aaron's throat and he felt it hard to breath. “In the pub. She - she died here. He kil-”

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut trying to control his breathing. Talking about the hurt, the guilt and pain of losing her deeply branded in his skin. Talking about him was like putting a knife into his heart. 

Suddenly he felt someone touch his hand and covering it with theirs. He immediately felt the urge to pull away but he was just so exhausted and tired of the pain. 

The soft touch calmed him a bit and he let himself be comforted and touched by the other man. 

Robert came closer and put his other hand on Aaron's shoulder. He could feel his breath on his neck. He got goosebumps and his breathing got even quicker. 

“What ha-” Aaron abruptly got up shoving Robert backwards who‘s hip then violently smacked against the kitchen counter. “Ooofff” Robert winced. 

Aaron's mind shut down and he had to get away. The chair he was sitting on fell to the floor with a loud thud and made Aaron grimace. He looked at Robert once more, who was holding onto his hip in pain. God he hurt him, like he always hurts everyone. He started to feel sick as he turned around on his heels and made a lunge towards the hallway door. 

Just as he opened it he bumped into a confused Moira who stumbled backwards into Cain, who was following her.

“Aaron, what’s wrong?” the woman asked worriedly.

Aaron shook his head and pushed through them and ran up the stairs. His heart was beating so fast and it was hard to breath. He threw the door shut and locked it. He tried to take deep breaths and counted to ten. He slid down on the floor when the tears started to fall. The pain was back and it hurt deep in his heart. He looked at his hurt hand and ripped the bandage away. He digged his finger nails deep into the wound till the blood started to flow freely. After the pain subsided again he could breathe better and his shoulders slightly relaxed. He hadn’t spoken about his Mum dying for a while and never to a stranger. It shook him to the core that he just told Robert. And then he’d shoved him away and he got hurt because of him. Always because of him.

_ It’s you don’t you see, you always hurt them. _

Another tight squeeze on his hand made him wince. He felt himself calming down. A tear rolled down his cheek. And he let his head drop against the door closing his eyes.

\----------------------

When he made his way downstairs later, it was already starting to get dark outside. How long had he been sitting on the floor in his room? He quietly opened the door to the living room not expecting anyone to be there anymore. He stepped into the room and only then noticed Robert's figure standing in the kitchen drinking some water. Their eyes met and Aaron saw the sadness again in Robert's gaze.

“Aaron I’m sorry, if you want me to go I can totally understand that. I didn’t mean to upset you and it’s none of my business what happened. I’m really sorry.” 

He should tell him to go. He’d hurt Robert like he’d hurt everyone who gets close to him, but the other man gave him this calmness, no one had given him for a while.

“No.” he said with a shaky voice. “I don’t … want you to go.” 

Robert looked up at him. “Are you sure?”

Aaron nodded and tried to smile but failed. He swallowed. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine you don’t need to apologize. I get it. You didn’t do it on purpose.” Robert answered with a soft voice.

Aaron remembered bumping into Moira and Cain earlier but they weren’t around anymore so he wondered what they wanted.

“What did my Uncle and Moira want?” He tried to change the subject.

The other man shrugged his shoulders. “They didn’t really say. But I asked your Uncle if I could work for him for a while and he said yes. I can start tomorrow.”

Aaron looked at Robert with big eyes “That’s good yeah, good. But be careful with him he can be a grumpy git sometimes.”

“What like you?” Robert teased, but regretted what he just said to the other man right away.

The brunette looked hurt but then shyly smiled. “I guess I deserved that.”

“No you didn’t.” Robert softly smiled at him. “I think I like your grumpiness.”

Aaron looked away blushing.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just can't help it with the angst I am sorry, but there's maybe some fluff too :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and as always let me know what you think!

The next couple of days went quietly. Robert spent most of his time at the garage working, and Aaron was watching crappy daytime tv whilst still avoiding people. The other man stayed out of Aaron's way as he’d promised. Adam came around a couple of times, and Paddy called him, still going on about having tea together one day. 

It was Thursday afternoon and Aaron was lying on the couch, with his second beer, dozing away, when a knock on the door woke him from his slumber.

The door opened and a happy, smiling little girl stuck her head in. 

“Uncle ‘Ron are you there?”

Aaron got himself into a sitting position staring at the little blonde. He was expecting Vic to come right in after, but the little girl closed the door and walked over to him. Sitting down next to him, she put some letters in his lap.

“I am the Postwoman today, I bring you your post.” She giggled.

Aaron looked at her, stunned. She was so much like Adam with her warm smile, always managing to bring light into the room.

“Does your Mummy know you're here, or did you sneak out again missy?”

Lilly laughed at him and shrugged her shoulders. “Don’t you want to open your letters Uncle ‘Ron? Mummy always says do not put off till tomorrow what you can do today.”

“Your Mum's got it all sorted hasn’t she." Aaron laughed. A picture of Victoria telling off Lilly popped into his head. They all loved that little girl dearly. The little girl nodded proudly.

Suddenly Aaron's phone rang and it was Victoria yelling down the other end. “Yes she’s here Vic. No it’s ok, she’s alright. Yes I can watch her for half an hour, that’s fine. Yes I will tell her not to run off again like this. Bye Vic.”

The little blonde pulled out some hair ties and held them towards Aaron. He smiled at her. “Come here then muffin, you want the one with the twirls at the end?”

“Now who’s this lovely little lady here, I haven’t been introduced yet?”

Aaron and Lilly turned around and saw Robert standing in the door juggling some pots in his arms.

“I’m Miss Lilly, I’m Uncle ‘Ron's Niece and he’s making me the prettiest braids today. Are you his boyfriend? Uncle ‘Ron needs a boyfriend, says Mummy, so he won’t be sad anymore.” The little girl answered happily.

Aaron's face fell, but Robert started to laugh loudly. “I bet he does the prettiest braids ever. You look stunning Lilly. I’m Robert, Aaron's friend, not his boyfriend.”

Lilly pouted at him. “You still going to un-sad him though, won’t you?”

Robert looked from Lilly up to Aaron who shyly looked away. “Yeah, I’ll try.”  
A loud knock on the door interrupted their chat, and Victoria came in with a stressed face on. “I’m so sorry Aaron, I told her she can’t just go and visit you without asking.”

“It’s fine Vic really, no worries. I promised to do her braids again one day didn’t I?” He put the last hair tie on the braids and Lilly smiled at her Mum happily.

“Doesn’t mean you can run off like that again sweetheart. Gez, she’s so like her Father isn’t she? Little trouble.” Vic looked around the room and noticed Robert standing in the kitchen “Oh, Hi.”

“That’s Uncle ‘Ron’s not boyfriend Robert, but he is gonna make him un-sad.” The little girl said proudly with a big grin on her face. 

“Right, that’s nice. Where are you staying Robert?” She looked between both men.

“He’s staying here for a while.” Aaron answered quickly.

The woman looked stunned at Aaron, but her face softened. “That’s great, some company will do you good. Come on darling it’s almost tea time.” She grabbed the little girl by her hand and said her goodbyes. Lilly winked at Aaron and Robert and the door closed shut.

Aaron awkwardly sat back on the couch without saying more. He opened the letters the little girl had brought in earlier, when he saw it was more bills he sighed and leant back on the couch closing his eyes. 

“That bad?” Robert speaking startled him. 

“Bills, what else."

“I mean you could open the pub again. I saw a group of people checking into the B&B next door, I bet they’d love to have a beer in here.” Robert tried to encourage Aaron. When he got no reply from Aaron he looked up. “Aaron?”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” The other man grumbled and threw the papers on the living room table. “I’m hungry, I’m gonna get myself something to eat.” 

“No need, Moira sent some of her leftovers from yesterday.” He pointed at the pots sitting on the kitchen table. “I could heat it up for us if you want?”

Aaron nodded quietly. 

A couple of minutes later the two men were sitting in the kitchen together quietly eating their dinner. Aaron felt weird. He hadn’t eaten dinner with anyone for a while and it made him a bit nervous. The last days Robert had taken his food to his room, Aaron had missed tea and didn’t eat at all. He watched Robert eating.

“It’s gonna get cold.” Robert looked Aaron directly in the eyes. 

The other man coughed. “What?”

“Your dinner, it’s gonna get cold if you’re not eating.” The blonde man laughed.

The rest of the meal they sat in silence. Aaron cleared up the table while Robert wrote down notes in his diary. Aaron felt a weird feeling rush down his spine. This, having someone around, felt good. His weight of guilt and pain felt lighter since Robert had decided to stay for a bit longer. Aaron was scared though. Scared to let those feelings in because in the end he’d screw up again and make him leave.

After Aaron finished cleaning the kitchen he sloppily let himself fall down on the couch. Yes he did that now. Cleaning. The house looked actually quite good and clean at the moment and Aaron felt a bit proud of himself. He went to turn on the tv as he felt Robert sit down next to him.   
“What’s this?” He questioned the blonde man. 

“Me sitting down on the couch to watch some telly if that’s alright with you?” 

They had never sat together and watched television before, and Aaron wasn’t sure it was a good idea having Robert so close.

“Yeah, I suppose.” Aaron shrugged but shuffled away from where Robert had sat down on the couch to put a bigger distance between them. He turned on the telly and tried to concentrate on the screen instead of Robert sitting so close to him.

An hour later Aaron heard a soft snore coming from Robert. The man's head had fallen on one of the cushions, and his eyes were closed. Aaron was hypnotised by Robert's soft breathing, and his chest falling down and rising again. His eyes traced over the blonde man's face. All lines of worry gone with his body and mind in a deep sleep. Robert had a straight nose surrounded by tiny constellations of freckles. His long blonde eyelashes laid softly on his cheeks. He looked beautiful and Aaron couldn’t take his eyes away. His heart started to beat faster but not because of pain, but happiness. Was this happiness? He looked over to the photos on the wall and felt a rush of guilt running through him. No, he didn’t deserve that happiness again, not after losing her. 

He got up and got himself another can of beer and sat back down next to the sleeping man, closer than before. He drank the beer in one go and settled himself back on the couch staring at the television again. Five minutes later his eyes grew heavy and he thought about waking Robert and sending him off to bed, but the thought got lost when his eyes closed and did not open again.

He felt something soft against his forehead and his shoulder felt warm. It felt good and he hadn’t napped that well for a long while. Everything was quiet, his head had gone quiet. He moved his arm a bit and realized it was resting against something, or more someone. Aaron's eyes snapped open and looked directly at Robert's face, which was only inches away from his. He must have fallen asleep and accidentally snuggled up with Robert. He felt his panic rise a bit, and so he jumped off the couch hitting Robert on the chin in the process, waking him up.

“Ouch, what are you doing Aaron?” Robert mumbled holding his chin. He’d definitely get a bruise there. 

The blonde man quickly realized what had happened and looked worriedly at Aaron. “Ah, I am sorry, I must have fallen asleep, I didn’t mean to-” Aaron stopped him by waving his hand. “It’s ok, I’m sorry I hurt you, again. I was just a bit shocked. I guess I was the one snuggling up with you though.” He said, hiding his face away. 

Robert's face softened. “Well I had a good sleep, what about you?” 

The other man looked up. “Y- Yeah me too.”

“That’s good then. I think we should try and get some more sleep in our beds though. The couch is really not that comfy is it? You coming?” Robert got up from the couch nodding towards the hallway door.

“I think I'll sleep here, I might as well have another beer too.” 

The blonde shook his head. “I’m only going if you’re going.”

“What you’re five now Robert?” Aaron laughed but started walking towards the door. Robert was right, his back and leg would thank him in the morning for not lying on that uncomfortable couch again. 

Robert turned off the television and lights and followed Aaron up the stairs. He went past him and touched his arm slightly which sent sparks down Aaron's body and made him feel warm, but also made him want to run a mile. What was happening?

“Goodnight Aaron, this was nice this.” The tall man touched his shoulder softly.

Aaron watched Rob disappear into his room. He stood in the hallway a couple more minutes staring at Robert's room. He clenched his fist and felt the wound on his hand throb. He didn’t deserve those happy feelings did he?

_ I’ll make sure you’ll never be happy again. _

\-------------------------------------------

The next day Robert had a quick coffee in the morning and left for work. Aaron was sitting in the kitchen sorting his letters. More and more bills were piling up and the man put his head in his hands and sighed. This really couldn’t go on like this. He was short of money and the landlord would come knocking again soon. He looked out of the window seeing a group of people coming out of the B&B next door. Robert had mentioned some tourists were staying there. Aaron hesitated for some seconds but then got up and went through to the bar. Maybe he really should give it a go and open the pub for a bit, he really needed the money. He forced himself to turn the lights on and started to put the chairs down. Pleased with his work, he went over to the front door but stopped in his tracks. He wasn’t sure if he really should do this, what if he failed again? His mind started to go into overdrive again, but he stopped it by unlocking the pub door and opening it. The street was empty, the tourists had probably already left for a day trip. Leyla was sorting stuff outside the shop and waved shyly when she noticed Aaron standing in the pub doorway. He waved back. He heard voices coming from the cafe where Brenda was serving some customers, maybe it’d be ok to open up the pub again? He thought back to the bills lying on his kitchen table and turned around ready to start serving. He went passed his Mum's picture on the wall and for the first time in a while he felt warmth and love, and the pain wasn’t that bad anymore. Maybe he’d be alright.

After lunchtime the pub actually had a couple of people in it who sat quietly on their tables having their drinks. Aaron went through the orders he wanted to send off later, when the pub door opened and Jimmy and Rodney made their way to the counter.

"Aaron lad this is nice, I finally have an excuse again to get away from Nicola for a while." Jimmy genuinely smiled at Aaron. “Two pints please.” 

He served the pints to the two men, when Rodney came closer and put a hand on his arm. “She’d be proud you know.” Aaron swallowed hard but tried to smile. He knew they all cared about him but he still didn’t want their pity. The two older men sat down in a booth next to the door and got busy discussing the newest village gossip.

The next hours went well and Aaron felt himself relax a bit. Leyla and Tracy came by to say Hi and were genuinely happy that he'd opened up again. When he pulled another pint the beer line started playing up and he tried to open the valve under the counter, but with his hurt hand he had trouble getting a grip to open it. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and stumbled backwards, which made him fall down flat on his bottom. 

“Oh God! Sorry Aaron, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Robert held out his hand offering to help him get up again. 

“Gez, don’t sneak up on me like that.” He took the other man's hand and stood up. “The beer line was playing up and I wanted to open up the valve.” Aaron tried to move the valve again but still couldn't open it.

“You want me to try it?” Aaron took a step back, making way for Robert to get to the valve. After a couple of tries the blonde man managed to open it up and Aaron could pull the pint for his customer still waiting at the counter.

“I was surprised to see the pub open. This is great Aaron.” Robert's voice made Aaron turn around to face the other man again. He pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands, smiling shyly. “Yeah I just thought I could try, and I really need the money. Thanks for encouraging me, I guess.” 

The blonde man looked back at him with kind eyes. “Well I’m glad I could help. You know I’m always happy to cover a shift if you need me too, no pressure though ok? Anyway, I was just popping by to get my lunch, I left it in the fridge this morning. See you later Aaron.” As he disappeared through to the back room, Aaron watched him leave, and again felt that warm feeling rushing down his body.

“Hey waiter, two pints, chop chop.”   
Aaron's shoulders tensed as he turned around to look at the older man standing in front of the bar. 

“Did you not hear me boy? Pints, two. Now.”

The loud voice of the man got the attention of the other customers in the pub and everyone went quiet. Aaron's breathing sped up and his heart started to beat faster.

“You didn’t say please.” He grumbled looking angrily at the man.

The stranger looked at him in disgust. “Gordon always said you had an attitude problem!”

When Aaron heard his Father's name his mind shut down and all he could hear was white noise. “Come again?” He heard himself say, but things started to get blurry and he wasn’t sure he was speaking. He put the sleeves of his hoodie up and balled his fists.

“Oh it’s like that, is it? Your Father should have given you more beatings to put you in line kiddo, you’ve got no respect.”

Aaron's blood rushed into his head and his vision got cloudy, his breathing had gotten more erratic. He jumped and started running towards the front of the counter. He violently bumped into Robert who'd just made his way out of the back room.

“Aaron what on earth?” When he noticed the two men standing at the counter and Aaron quickly rushing towards them. 

“Aaron, no wait.” Robert lunged after him and grabbed onto his arms to make him stop going after the two blokes. They were taller and more muscular than Aaron and he might end up getting really hurt. 

Aaron felt hands holding him back but his blind anger made him lash out. “Get the fuck off me.” 

One of the blokes laughed at him. “No wonder Gordon hated you so much, you’re a pathetic little boy.” 

Aaron all of a sudden came to a halt and grabbed hard onto his chest, his breathing coming in short rasps. 

“Get out of this pub now or I’ll be calling the police. Get out now!” He heard Robert yell behind him. 

The man smirked. “You’re not worth my breath. I’ll let Gordon know when I visit him next in prison that his son is failure. Pathetic.” He slapped his friend on the shoulder and the men made their way out of the pub.   
Aaron was frozen, his heart beating too fast, his erratic breathing making his vision blurry and he lost track of where he was. He quickly turned around, rushing into the back room.

\--------------------------

He slammed the door shut and ran into the kitchen turning on the tap and splashed some water on his face. He couldn't breathe. The men mentioned his Father, so he must still know what Aaron is doing. Was he watching him? The thought of his dad made him feel sick and he threw up in the sink. After clearing up the vomit he slid down on the kitchen floor panting. He pressed down on his hand and blood started to seep through the bandage, when a hand was touching his hand stopping him from pressing further. He lifted his head up and Robert was looking at him with kind, teary eyes. He couldn’t stand to see the worry in Robert's face. 

“Count to ten with me Aaron come on, breath in and out, look, like I do.” Aaron stared into the other man's blue eyes and tried to copy his breathing. After a while he started to feel air reaching his lungs and his shoulders slumped down. 

Robert was still holding his hand as he sat down next to him on the floor. “See that’s better. You’re doing alright mate.”

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut and a tear made it's way down his cheek. A soft touch on his face made him open his eyes again. Robert cupped his cheek with his hand and wiped the tear away. His instinct told him to back away and run but his panic had made him feel tired and exhausted.

“It’s alright, they’re gone, they won’t come back ok? I won’t let them get near you again.” Robert whispered gently. 

The two men sat like this for a while till Aaron's breathing was back to normal, his tears dried and his mind was clearer. 

He couldn’t look at Robert just yet. “Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me, I’m bad Robert, this is what I deserve.”

Robert touched his chin to make Aaron lift up his head and look at him. “You’re not Aaron, you're not this bad person you make out to be, I know you’re not.” 

Aaron looked at Robert in confusion, his mind still having trouble to understand what just happened. Blue eyes were looking at him. Robert's hand still holding his. Warmth spread through his body because of Robert's touch. 

No he couldn’t let that happen. He’d hurt him too, he knows he would.

He shook his head breaking their eye contact. “That’s where you're wrong Robert, you don’t know me. I deserve all of this pain, everything.”

“Then let me get to know you Aaron, please. I want too. You don’t deserve to be hurting. Whatever happened with your Father. You don’t have to tell me but you don’t deserve to punish yourself like this.” The blonde man looked at Aaron's now bloody hand. “I know.”

Aaron swallowed hard. “No you don’t Robert, Why would you want to know me anyway. I’m not a good person. You should stay away from me.”

“Because I like you Aaron, ok? I like you and the last couple of days have been nice. I haven’t felt this free for a while and you let me stay.”

Aaron shook his head hard, avoiding the other man's gaze. “No you don’t, you don’t”.

He quickly got up without turning around and ran up the stairs to his bedroom. He heard Robert yelling after him but he just wanted to forget and hide. He locked his bedroom door and went to the drawer where he keeps his sleeping pills. The doctor had prescribed them to him after his Mum died. He dry swallowed a couple of the pills, lied down on his bed and put the duvet over his head, closing his eyes. He wanted to forget.

\-------------------------------

Of course he had a killer headache when he woke up in the morning. The sleeping pills always made him feel drowsy when he woke up. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock. He sighed and tried to get himself into a vertical position. Flashbacks of yesterday’s events finding their way back into his mind, making him cringe. Why did he react like this? He did it again, pushing everyone away. He was quite sure Robert must have packed his stuff and left already. No one was staying with him in the end, but that’s what he deserves. He didn’t bother changing his clothes as he tiredly made his way downstairs. It was quiet and there was no Robert in sight, so he must have been right about him running off. He didn’t blame him. 

When he got to the kitchen it dawned him that in all the chaos yesterday he forgot to close up the pub and cursed himself. He just hoped nothing got stolen, he couldn’t afford that. He slumped down on the kitchen chair and was just sitting there for a while. Thinking hurt and he actually thought about going back upstairs when he saw a note lying on the kitchen counter next to the coffee machine. He just now noticed the smell of coffee. He stood up and walked over to the kitchen. There was a note and the keys for the pub lying next to it. Aaron opened the paper and read:

__________________________

_ Good morning Aaron, _

_ Sorry I missed you this morning but I have to finish Mr Henderson’s car today so I had to rush to work early. You know what Cains like when things don’t get finished. _

_ I closed up the pub yesterday. Your customers send their well wishes and told me they really were happy you opened up again. _

_ I know you don‘t want to talk about what happened yesterday, or in general and it’s ok, I won’t push you. I would never. Just know that I’m here if you want to talk. _

_ Have a good day and Jimmy - his name is Jimmy? - would love to get his favourite pint again today, so maybe you want to open up? Just think about it ok? _

_ See you later. _

_ Robert _

_ Ps: I still do want to get to know you better if you'll let me :) _

_______________________

Aaron held the paper to his chest and couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He was confused though why Robert hadn’t left after his break down. Everyone else would have. He got himself a coffee and sat down again when the back door opened and Cain made his way in.

"Good Morning sunshine.” The older man barked at him with a smile and put some pretzels in front of him. Aaron looked surprised at the other man. “What? I thought you might be hungry.” He took a pretzel out of the bag and had a bite. Aaron chuckled slightly.

“So, Robert said you opened up the pub yesterday, that’s good Aaron. That’s good. You gonna open again today? I really could use a nice afternoon pint.” His Uncle said.

“Uh oh I don’t know.” Aaron stuttered.

“I think you should, besides I saw Mr Wallner two days ago and he was asking for the rent from the last two months for the pub. The payments are almost done Aaron, than the pub is yours. You know I want to help you with the money but I can’t currently.” His Uncle made a serious face. 

Aaron avoided looking at his Uncle. He knew he had to sort out the rent for the last couple of months. He did not want to lose the pub. His Mum's pub. “I’ll see.”

The older man friendly nodded and got ready to leave. “You do know that Sugden cares about you a lot? He never shuts up talking about you. I think someone really likes you.” He winked at his Nephew. 

Aaron blushed and started to play with the sleeves of his hoodie. “Goodbye Cain.”

His Uncle scoffed and left.

Why would Robert talk about him? He’d been nothing but grumpy with him. Aaron finished his coffee and wanted to see if there was enough milk left by checking the fridge. He noticed Robert's lunch box sitting in there. He must have forgotten it again. Aaron hesitated for a second, then grabbed the box and his keys and left the house. 

He took the longer way around the backs of the houses to avoid bumping into anyone. He peeked around the corner to check if Cain was in, but he only saw a car parked with it's hood open. He quietly made his way along the drive and heard Robert cursing. It made him smile. When he reached the car he finally saw the other man bent over the engine, cleary struggling with getting a screw loose. He watched him for a while.

“You need to spin it a bit and then lift it.” 

Robert was startled and almost hit his head on the open hood. “Gez Aaron warn a bloke will you, you almost gave me a heart attack here.” The blonde man’s face turned soft. “What do you know about cars smart-arse?”

Aaron threw the lunch box towards Robert who almost didn’t catch it. 

“Let me show you what I know Mr mechanic. You’re not the only mechanic here.” He proudly smiled at the other man. Robert put the lunch box aside and rested his arms on the side of the engine to watch Aaron get to work. Aaron skillfully twisted the spanner to the left, lifted it a bit, and with a screech the screw came loose. He took it off, holding it in front of Robert's stunned face. “I used to work as a mechanic before I started helping in the pub.” 

“Nice one.” Robert laughed. 

Aaron smiled and held the spanner towards Robert, who immediately grabbed it. Their hands touched and Aaron felt this energy again, running up his arm. The blonde man held his hand tighter, the spanner still in between their hands. 

Blue-green eyes looked at him and his breathing got faster.

“It’s beautiful.” 

Aaron looked confused at the other man. 

“Your smile.” 

Aaron blushed and shyly looked away, trying to take a step back, but Robert still held his hand and started softly stroking his knuckles with his thumb. 

“Aaron look at me.” 

He slowly looked up. 

Robert's eyes were soft and sparkled. He had a kind smile on his face. 

The blonde man chuckled slightly and put his other hand on Aaron’s cheek. 

“You’ve got some motor oil there Mr mechanic.” 

He softly wiped the motor oil away. Leaving his hand on his cheek.

Their faces were only inches away from each other now and Aaron could feel Robert's breath on his face. He could see the tiny blue spots in Robert's eyes, which looked like ice crystals. His own body was vibrating and he felt the other man’s heat radiating from him. He stared at the blonde man’s lips and swallowed hard. Up close Robert had even more beautiful freckles and his golden skin looked soft and smooth. 

He wanted to touch it so badly. Find out how those pink lips would taste.

_ You are not worthy of being loved. You’re nothing. _

Aaron felt his heartbeat rising too fast and his hands got sweaty. He shouldn’t do this. He looked at Robert once more, but then pulled his hand out of Robert's grip. The movement made the spanner fall to the ground loudly as Robert stumbled backwards.

“Robert I’m, I’m sorry I can’t.” Not wanting to see Robert's reaction he ran past him, bumping into Cain who'd just made his way back to the garage. “Aaron you alright lad?”

He heard both of the men yelling after him but he walked faster and faster ignoring everyone who passed him. He rushed into the pub, closed the door and let himself fall against the wall. 

\-------------------------

After he calmed down a bit he went for a shower. He didn’t know why he’d reacted that way with Robert. He liked the other man but being close to him scared him. He was scared to hurt the other man and lose him, like he lost everyone else. He was angry with himself that he couldn’t move on. His eyes wandered to the wound on his hand and he held it under the hot water. It stung and made him cry out a bit. He pulled his hand to his chest and let the water dribble down on him. 

When he’d finished showering he put on some sweat bottoms and a long sleeve top before making his way downstairs. He opened the living room door and found Robert sitting on the couch still in his work gear. He didn’t notice Aaron coming in. He was slightly slouched over and holding his head in his hands, breathing deeply. Aaron closed the door which made Robert look up. He looked tired and sad. 

“Robert are you alright?” Aaron walked towards the couch but didn’t want to sit down next to Robert.

The other man let his head fall again “I don’t know. I just, I’m sorry Aaron, I didn’t mean to overstep. I thought there was something between us, and I like you, and normally I go for the things I like and I really do like you. But I didn’t want to push you.”

Aaron sighed and walked over to where the other man was sitting. “No. I’m sorry Robert, it’s not you, it’s me. I just, I can’t. It’s hard for me to let others get close to me. And I know I’m not good and then things get too much and I don’t understand why you care-“ He sat down on the couch. 

“I've scared you, haven’t I?” The blonde man looked at him with worry.

Aaron shuffled closer as their knees touched. He put a hand on Robert's shoulder. “No you haven’t, it’s my stupid brain.” He looked sadly at the other man.

“It’s not stupid, please don’t say that.” Robert turned his body towards Aaron so they were face to face now.

“You were hurt Aaron. I know I don’t know the details, but you were hurt and it’s not easy. I see how it’s still hurting you so deeply. But you still have such a kind heart, you let me stay didn’t you? I just wish you’d let me in so I can lessen your pain Aaron, I really care about-“ 

Aaron looked once more into Robert's eyes and all of a sudden lunged forward, pressing his lips against the blonde man's. 

He stopped breathing and kept his eyes squeezed shut as he felt Robert's hand finding it's way to his neck, holding him softly.

The blonde man's lips were soft and full and he tasted like honey. Robert took his lips off Aaron’s only to kiss him again.

When they let go of each other Robert grabbed both of his hands in his and held them in his lap.

“Please let me help Aaron, I want to help you.”

Aaron smiled softly at him and gripped his hands tighter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter one, hope you still enjoy it :)
> 
> Thanks for reading and as always, feeback is wonderful!

The next days had just flown by. Aaron tried to open up the pub more often. Robert was keeping his distance but supported Aaron when he needed help at the pub. They ate together and talked more. Aaron felt himself getting better and he enjoyed Robert’s company more from day to day. People noticed Aaron seeming lighter and smiling more and everyone was trying to support him. Maybe he deserved to finally let light in his life again. He still had bad days but with Robert there Aaron felt he could fight them. 

They had just finished tea and Aaron made himself comfortable on the couch preparing himself for a lazy evening. Robert cleaned up the rest of their dinner. He put the last plates away and made his way upstairs to his room.

"Would you like to join me?" Aaron whispered, not looking at Robert. The blonde man stopped and turned around.

"Yeah. If you want me too, sure!" He sat himself down next to Aaron. Not too close to respect Aaron’s private space. The other man had made it clear that he wasn’t ready for anything more but he had let Robert get closer to him the last days. Robert didn’t want to push it. After the passionate kiss a couple of days ago he didn’t know where he stood with Aaron.

Aaron turned the TV on. "You up for the newest Top Gear episode?"

Robert smiled and nodded. 

They were 20 minutes into the episode when Aaron felt himself getting restless. He looked at the blonde man next to him and felt this invisible pull towards him.

"You ok?" Robert noticed Aaron’s restlessness.

Aaron shyly looked away, blushing a bit.

"What is it? Did I do something wrong?" The tall man sounded worried. He sat up and straightened his shoulders.

"No, no of course not it’s just-" Aaron's eyes wandered to Robert's arms. "Can I?"

Robert made a confused face not understanding Aaron’s hint.

Aaron coughed awkwardly and put his hoodie sleeves over his hands. He brushed his fingers against the bandage on his hand. He hadn’t felt the urge to open up the wound again, not with Robert being with him and distracting him.

"Can I sit closer to you?“ He avoided Robert's eyes.

The blonde man smiled softly and opened his arms. "Come here then."

Aaron slowly moved himself closer till his side was pressed into Robert’s, who put his arm over his shoulder on the headrest.

"That alright?" The other man asked.

"Yeah." Aaron turned his face to look at Robert. His eyes were scanning his face. Robert’s eyes were soft and it made Aaron feel safe and calm.

After a while, and another episode of Top Gear, Roberts’s hand had moved from the headrest onto Aaron’s shoulder. At first he had flinched and wanted to move away but the other man softly stroked his shoulder and calmed Aaron down. 

For the first time in a while Aaron felt calm and his mind was quiet, focusing on Robert and his soft breathing next to him.

When the episode was over Aaron turned off the TV but settled himself back into Robert's arms.

"Thank you Robert, for your help and being there. I don’t know why you do it."

The blonde man looked gently at Aaron. "Because I like you Aaron. I like you a lot."

Aaron’s eyes wandered to the photos of his Mum and he sighed. Robert put his hand on the brunette’s neck and stroked it softly.

"You miss her."

Aaron’s head shot up but he didn’t look at the other man. Robert took his hand in his own.“It’s ok you don’t have to talk about her. I’m sorry."

Aaron swallowed hard and was quiet for a long while. "I do miss her so much. It hurts to talk about her."

"I heard Cain talk about your Father saying a couple of threats I don’t wanna repeat to be honest. Did he .. did he hurt you and your Mum Aaron?"

Aaron’s breathing got faster and he felt his hands getting sweaty. Tears were finding their way into his eyes. 

His hands started shaking and he felt himself getting anxious. "Yes, he did."

"Aaron I’m sorry, it must have been horrible." Robert stroked the knuckles on his hand.

All of a sudden Aaron pulled away and shuffled backwards like a scared animal. The other man wanted to reach out but decided against it. He could see how terrified Aaron was, struggling to breathe.

"It’s ok Aaron, it’s ok." Robert tried to comfort the other man.

"It’s not ok Robert and it never will be." Aaron sobbed, his tears falling freely now, his body shaking. "My Mum split up with him because he was drunk all the time and he became violent. She wanted to protect me. That’s why we left and he couldn’t deal with it and he blamed me for making Mum leave him. He hated me and he wanted to make me pay. That’s when he came to the pub and he had a gun and he was screaming and lashing out, hitting my Mum and I tried to stop him but he was too strong. And he still had that gun and he … he tried to shoot me but missed and the bullet hit my leg …"

Aaron gripped his leg tightly and tried to breathe through the pain it caused.

"But he … he didn‘t stop and I couldn’t get away, I couldn’t move and there was so much blood and he shot the gun again and my Mum, she … she jumped in front of me and it hit her, the bullet hit her Robert, right through the heart." Aaron started to hyperventilate. "She died because of me Robert, it’s my fault, it’s all my fault." 

Aaron was breaking down, his whole body shaking violently. He couldn’t breathe and his vision began to blur. His chest hurt and he could see black dots on the edge of his eyes when suddenly he felt arms around his shoulder, holding him tight. Robert’s face was touching his face and he whispered softly in the other man’s ear. "I’m so sorry Aaron, I’m so sorry."

When Aaron opened his eyes again later he realised he was lying on the couch. His back was pressed into Robert's chest. The other man had pulled his arms tightly around him. His head hurt. He must have blacked out after his break down. He felt ashamed all of a sudden and thought about leaving. He was so tired and exhausted though. He could feel Robert‘s soft breath against his neck and his heartbeat pulsing against his back. He turned around carefully to look at the other man who snored quietly. As soon as Aaron tried to move Robert held him tighter. Aaron closed his eyes again and slowly fell back into a deep sleep.

\-------------------------

  
  


Robert put the coffee mug down on the table yawning loudly. 

"Ugh what’s with that noise?“ Aaron rose from his position on the couch and slowly blinked open his eyes.

"Good morning." The other man smiled at him "How you feeling?"

Aaron sorted his hoodie and stood up but was swaying slightly. The other man quickly walked over to him, touching his elbow, trying to steady him.

"You good now?" 

Aaron nodded. "Did you … did we? Sleep all night here on the couch?"

Robert’s face softened. "I moved over to the chair at one point because I didn‘t want you to hurt your leg. I didn’t want to leave you alone, you know, after yesterday."

Aaron swallowed. "Oh. Right about yesterday. I -"

"You don’t have to say anything Aaron, it’s ok. I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me." The other man quickly answered while taking another coffee mug and filling it up.

Aaron sighed. "I didn’t mean to break down on you like this, sorry."

Robert walked over handing Aaron the coffee mug. "There’s nothing you have to be sorry for. I told you I would be here if you wanted to talk. Now get yourself a shower you stink. We're gonna open up the pub later, right? Cain isn’t opening the garage today so I could help you here, if you want?"

"Bossy much." Aaron chuckled but downed his coffee in one go and made his way upstairs.

In the shower he slowly undressed himself and checked the wound on his hand. It was healing well. He hadn’t opened it up again for a while so it could heal. He looked at the mirror noticing the dark circles under his eyes were better too and the blue of his eyes shone brighter than before. He smiled softly. After yesterday's break down he normally would have hidden in bed all day. He looked at his hand again touching the wound carefully. He didn’t feel the urge to push down on it, to feel pain. The last days Robert had taken that kind of pressure away almost. He felt calm and his mind was quiet when he was around. Aaron was scared though, what if he let Robert get closer and he’d hurt him. The voice in his head tried to convince him he didn’t deserve the other man to care about him. He pushed those thoughts away and went under the shower. A couple of minutes later he got back out and for the first time in ages trimmed his beard a bit and used the nice aftershave. He gelled his curls back a bit, not too much though. He chose his favourite shirt and black jeans. Once more he looked in the mirror. Maybe he could be happy again one day.

When he came back down he heard noises from the bar and he went straight through to see Robert already pulling the chairs off the tables. He looked up when he saw Aaron coming in. He smiled at him and Aaron could feel himself relax.

"You look nice." He pointed at the brunette's now trimmed beard. 

Aaron blushed. "Yeah it started to itch so I trimmed it a bit."

The blonde man nodded. "I like it."

"Right, I’m gonna help you with the chairs then, shall I?"

Both men set up the pub so they could open it a couple of minutes later.

The first customers to stroll in where Jimmy and Nicola, loudly arguing. "But I just want to have a quiet pint till we have to get the kids from after school club Nicola, please, and you know this is my favourite place. No I mean right after being with you at home of course." Nicola slapped Jimmy's arm. "You are the worst Jimmy King. Get me a red wine then will you!" She made her way over to one of the booths and sat down, still cursing.

"Hello Aaron, one pint and a red wine please." He went over to the counter.

Aaron was busy sorting the delivery from yesterday so Robert nodded and went to pull a pint for Jimmy. He handed the drinks over. Aaron was watching him.

"Suits you, being a barman. You look quite fit pulling that pint." He laughed.

The blonde man turned around. "Are you flirting with me Dingle?"

Aaron blushed. "Maybe I am."

"Mum I don’t think it’s such a good idea to just barge in here." The two men heard voices from outside the pub. When the door forcefully opened, Cain and a tall woman with dark hair made their way into the pub.

"Where is my gorgeous Grandson then?" The woman shouted.

Aaron ducked, trying to hide behind Robert, but it was too late the older woman had seen him already.

"There he is, and you even opened the pub." She quickly made her way around the bar and went for Aaron, pulling him into a tight squeeze that almost took his breath away. 

He tried to wiggle himself out of her grasp. "Gran stop it."

The brunette softly pushed her backwards and straightened his clothes. "What are you doing here?" She reminded him so much of his Mother, the same eyes, the same face. It made his hands shake a bit.

"Now that’s not how you welcome your Gran, is it? I am so glad you’re doing better, Cain said some blonde man – I guess that’s you – made you feel better!" She looked from Aaron to Robert.

Aaron felt a strong hand on his shoulder, squeezing it softly.

"Yeah, I’m Robert. Aaron let me stay for a bit so I can get some money. I’m travelling around at the moment." Robert answered for Aaron, who didn’t know what to say.

"Travelling? You should stay here, such a beaut like you who's making our Aaron smile, we won’t let you go. I’m Faith by the way. Aaron’s Gran." She put out her hand which Rob took and shook quickly.

Aaron rolled his eyes. "Gran, really? You’re embarrassing me."

Faith slapped Aaron's shoulder softly. "What? He’s fit, you should keep him." 

Aaron coughed. "It’s not like that." 

The woman winked and made her way over to the bar, pulling herself a pint.

Aaron turned around and saw Robert laughing.

"Now she’s something." The blonde man chuckled.

"Yeah she certainly is." He looked over to Cain who formed a silent sorry with his mouth.

"Alright then let’s get started." Faith took Robert's hand and pulled him after her to a table. Cain sat down next to them. "A pint please Aaron."

Aaron sighed but brought the drinks over. His Gran had been away for a couple of weeks and he’d been grateful. He liked her but she reminded him so much of his Mum it hurt. The group chatted for a bit and Aaron left a couple of times to serve customers. Faith talked about her time away and entertained the whole pub.

Later that afternoon most of the customers had left and only Faith, Cain, Robert and Aaron were there. The older woman wanted all the details about Robert staying here and his family. Robert talked, always smiling at Aaron. It was weird to see him with his family but it also made Aaron feel safe.

He'd just sat down next to Robert when the pub door opened once more. Moira, Isaac, Paddy, Rhona, Adam, Victoria and Lilly stood in front of a confused Aaron.

"You didn’t come for tea last Sunday so tea is coming to you now." Paddy looked at Aaron and smiled.

"You what?" Aaron stood up feeling overwhelmed.

"Uncle ‘Ron look Mummy even made chocolate mousse for us." The little girl ran towards Aaron. He picked her up and stroked her hair. "Now I can’t say no to chocolate mousse can I?"

The group laughed and made their way through to the back room. Aaron watched Robert being dragged along by his Gran and rolled his eyes.

"I’ll be with you in a sec." He walked over to lock the pub door.

"I’m proud of you and I love you, you know that." Aaron turned around to see Paddy standing behind him.

He went over and hugged him. "I love you too Dad, thank you for not giving up on me."

His Stepdad patted his back. "Never." He coughed slightly. "So this Sugden-"

"Not you an all Paddy." Aaron laughed while they made their way to the living room.

Aaron followed Paddy towards the loud noises coming out of living room.

The group was already sitting at the table with Victoria and Moira busy getting the food sorted.

Robert was still busy with Faith chewing his ear off. Aaron couldn’t hide a small smile when the blonde man looked at him rolling his eyes quietly whispering a 'Help me' towards Aaron. Aaron just shrugged his shoulders.

It’d been a while since it was that loud and lively here. It felt good. He was scared though, always scared to lose this because in the end he would, he always would.

Aaron stepped further into the room when he noticed Isaac standing next to Cain’s chair, that he was gripping tightly to not fall over. When all of a sudden he let go of the chair and made his first wobbly steps without holding onto the chair any longer.

"Moira look." Aaron tried to get the woman’s attention.

She looked at him in confusion and he pointed at Isaac who'd just made another wobbly step towards Aaron.

With a slow pace the little boy made his way over to where Aaron was standing. He almost got up to him but then started dangerously swaying so the brunette walked towards him grabbing the boy under his arms to prevent him from falling. 

“Look at you little man making big steps, well done you.” Aaron squeezed Isaac's cheek and he giggled.

Aaron was in front of him on his knees when the little one lunged forward and put his small arms around his neck, pressing his face on his cheek.

“Aon.” Isaac softly giggled.

Aaron got up and took him on his hip walking over to Moira who had tears in her eyes. He handed the boy over to her smiling. “You’re a good lad Issac making your Mummy and Daddy very proud.”

He felt a hand on his arm softly squeezing it and found Cain standing behind him. 

Moira smiled at him happily. "We love you Aaron, never forget that."

The brunette blushed and nodded at both of them.

"Aaron have you seen all the muscles Robert's got from all the hard work at the garage.” His Gran yelled over to him. “No Faith, please.” Robert was blushing. 

Cain pushed Aaron forward to sit down between Robert and Faith. Victoria put a plate in front of him. “Your favourite.” She smiled. 

Faith had given her attention to Adam now, who awkwardly tried to stop Lillian from ripping off the table decoration.

“Your family is insane.” Robert nudged Aaron on the arm. 

“Yeah but it’s my family.” Aaron softly breathed out.

“They care about you so much.” 

The blonde looked at him and Aaron felt his eyes get watery. 

“You alright?” Robert asked.

“Yeah I’m alright, I think I’m alright.” Aaron replied.

It felt good to have his family here. He looked around the room and he felt life and happiness and warmth. He tried to push all his dark thoughts away. 

A hand covered his own all of a sudden and squeezed it tight. “She’s with us, she always is.” Aaron looked at his Gran. She had the same kind eyes and the same smile. It didn’t hurt to look at her, it was comforting and made him feel safe. “Yeah she is.”

Robert was trying to get Issac a drink without pouring it all over himself. Victoria found her place on Adam's lap, kissing him softly. Paddy and Rhona were colouring with Lillian. And Cain helped Moira in the Kitchen. This place felt whole again, felt like home again. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and fluff and yes there's angst :)
> 
> Talk about self harm but not graphic, panic attack (please read the tags again!)
> 
> And as always thank you so much for reading and feedback is wonderful! Let me know what you think!

Robert had been staying with Aaron for almost two months now. They opened up the pub together regularly and Robert had his shifts at the garage. Aaron felt himself getting stronger and more confident again. He let his family come around more often and he loved having their company. He enjoyed being in the pub and thinking about his Mum didn’t hurt that much anymore. He finally felt like things were getting better.

He didn’t quite understand why the other man made him feel safe and calm. He still had moments of doubt where he felt like running but he tried to push them away. He hadn’t wanted to hurt himself for weeks.

Robert was always close by and Aaron didn’t mind. It actually felt good to have the other man around. They hadn’t kissed again yet and Robert kept his promise to not push him. Aaron really liked the other man and he felt this invisible energy pulling himself towards him. He was constantly debating with himself whether to make a move and get closer to Robert, but he was still a bit scared. He couldn’t get their kiss out of his head, or the way it had made him feel.

But what if he’d hurt Robert by letting him get too close to him. He was bad for people, he hurt them.

\------------------------------

Feeling frustrated he kicked the bar counter again, which made the customers in the pub look up at him.

“Sorry, the beer barrel needs changing I guess.”

“I need to get some more wine from the cellar anyway so I’ll do it." He heard Robert say whilst walking into the bar.

Aaron nodded and watched Robert disappear into the basement.

The pub door opened loudly as Faith made her way over to the counter. "Morning favourite Grandson, you wanna serve your Gran a nice gin and tonic please?"

“Yeah, Hi." He was startled from his thoughts and got the drink for his Gran.

He put the glass in front of the older woman when she softly grabbed his hand. “Where’s pretty lover boy?"

Aaron pulled his hand away and rolled his eyes. “He’s not-”

“He likes you a lot you know that? If I was your age I wouldn’t kick him out of bed," she laughed and Aaron's face turned bright red.

“Gran it’s not that easy."

“Is it not?" She looked questioning at her Grandson. “You like him don’t you? He makes you feel good?"

Aaron steadied himself by leaning on the counter, taking in a short breath.

“What if I hurt him?"

His Gran leaned over the counter to get closer to Aaron.

“You won‘t. Sometimes you might be broody and grumpy, but Aaron you have the kindest heart." She swallowed hard. "It wasn’t your fault she got hurt."

Aaron grabbed the counter harder. He wondered how his Gran knew where his thoughts had gone. He shook his head violently.

“Listen to me kid, it wasn’t your fault. Your Father was a psycho and he hurt you both so much. You are not to blame for what happened. The only person to blame is your Father. You have to believe that."

She took another sip from her drink.

Aaron felt tears welling in his eyes but wiped them away with the sleeves of his hoodie.

“Don’t let him ruin anymore of your life. Don’t let him win like this. Your Mum would want you to be happy."

She smiled at him with kind eyes and for a second he could see his Mum smiling at him. Maybe he did deserve to feel happy again.

He coughed loudly and straightened his back when he heard a loud noise coming from the basement.

Faith laughed. “Go and get him."

Aaron rolled his eyes again but smiled at the older woman.

He made his way down to the basement, following the loud noises.

“Robert how long does it take to change the barrel?"

The lights flickered and reminded him that he should get new ones soon.

When he reached the basement he found Robert half lying on the floor, fidgeting with the beer barrel, not noticing Aaron walking into the room.

He was sweaty and quietly talking to himself.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

“You need to twist it in the other direction, that would make things easier for you."

Aaron laughed and Robert jumped slightly.

“You can talk. Give me a hand then, will you," the blonde man waved his hand wanting him to come closer.

He knelt next to Robert and took the wrench out of his hand. “Look at the pro. That’s how it’s done."

Rob rolled his eyes at him but smiled.

Aaron was distracted by the other man's eyes on him so he twisted the wrench with more pressure than he should have and the pipe got loose, spraying beer everywhere.

The movement made Aaron fall backwards into Robert's lap who had been kneeling behind him.

The beer was getting everywhere. They were both soaked from head to toe.

“Turn it off Aaron, for God's sake."

He heard Rob panicking behind him. Aaron pushed the emergency stop next to him and the machine came to an halt.

He slumped back down onto Robert. “Woah that wasn’t planned, sorry."

He realised that he was actually sitting on Robert's lap, his back pressed onto Robert's chest.

The other man's face was close to him. He could feel Robert‘s breath tingling the hairs on his neck. His lips were close to his ears. He heard Robert take in a sharp breath. 

He slowly turned his head.

Robert looked at him with soft, lustful eyes. He was beautiful.

The blonde man‘s hands found their way around his waist and he hugged him gently.

“Robert," Aaron held his breath.

He could see the want in Robert’s eyes.

“I want to kiss you Aaron." The blonde man softly whispered.

Aaron blushed and shifted his eyes away. 

“I don’t know I-” He stuttered.

The other man smiled at him. “Can I kiss you? I really want to kiss you."

Aaron's gaze wandered from Robert‘s eyes over his nose to his beautiful lips. He swallowed hard and slowly brought his face closer to Robert which was a bit difficult with the angle they were sitting in.

He could feel Robert‘s soft breath on his lips. When they finally connected it was like electricity running through his body. The other man's lips were soft and tasted like coffee and vanilla. Robert was a good kisser. He caressed Aaron's lips gently, sucking them but not too hard. The brunette opened his mouth a bit to grant Robert access into his mouth. They played with each other's tongues, touching delicately. The two men moaned into each other and Aaron shifted his body so he was facing Robert now. They broke off their kiss and Aaron looked at Robert with generous and lustful eyes.

“Hi," Robert quickly kissed him on the mouth again which made Aaron giggle.

“Hi," the brunette once more pressed his lips on Robert‘s, his hands finding their way to the other man's neck.

It felt so good and Aaron felt himself getting aroused as his jeans were getting tighter around his groin.

Robert noticed and shoved his hands into the other man‘s open hoodie, touching his waist softly. Aaron jumped slightly from the touch but didn’t move away.

They kept on kissing and Aaron felt himself slipping away, warmth and love running through his body. He wanted Robert.

“Aaron, everything alright down there?"

The boys broke off their kiss, looking towards the cellar door where the voice was coming from.

Aaron brushed his lips against Robert‘s one last time, taking in his taste. He slowly moved away and their noses touched in the process.

Aaron looked deeply into Robert's eyes. “Thank you."

Robert smiled at him and ran his finger along Aaron’s jaw, rubbing his beard a bit.

“Think we should get ourselves cleaned up don’t you?"

Aaron chuckled and tried to get up. When he stopped in his tracks and quickly ran his tongue over Robert's cheek.

“Beer tastes good on you."

“Who knew Dingle could be fun too," the other man teased.

This earned Robert a soft slap on his shoulder but Aaron held his hand towards him helping him up.

They both got themselves cleaned up and fixed the beer barrel.

The rest of the afternoon went quietly and after having tea together the men made their way to their beds.

Aaron, for the first time in months, fell asleep with a smile on his face and love in his heart instead of feeling empty and in pain.

\--------------------------------

Aaron felt trapped and his heartbeat was erratic. He couldn’t breathe. A gun was pointed at him and he wanted to scream but no sound came out of his mouth. He shuffled backwards and felt his back connecting with a wall. He felt a sharp pain in his leg and he looked down. There was blood, it was everywhere. He looked at his shaking hands and they were red with blood too.

_ “You. You are the worst mistake I’ve ever made." _

Aaron looked up into the face of his Father holding the gun at him. He felt his throat shut down and he couldn’t get any air in. Bile came up his throat and made him dry heave.

_ “It’s your fault. I’m gonna kill you." _

Aaron felt like dying and he kicked out. Throwing his arms and feet around himself to get away.

“Nooooooooooooooo."

He felt strong hands gripping his shoulders. He needed to get away.

“Aaron please wake up, come on." He heard a distant voice.

He was here, he would get him and finish what he‘d started.

A hand found its way to his forehead, softly brushing his sweaty curls away.

“Please, please open your eyes. You’re safe. I’m here."

Aaron‘s tortured mind didn’t let him think straight. He couldn’t calm his breathing when he shot up and pushed the person violently away from him.

He crawled backwards, which made him fall off the bed painfully.

“Oh God Aaron stop it, please open your eyes and look at me." He heard the voice again.

He got himself up from the floor and crawled over so his back hit the wall. Everything hurt and he put his legs to his chest and buried his face there.

“Please don't kill me, please don’t kill me." He repeated it like a mantra. He was sure his Dad would finally kill him.

He could hear his own sharp breathing. His body was shaking violently.

“Aaron it’s me Robert, please look at me."

His hurt mind slowly began to register that it was Robert standing next to his bed.

He looked up and saw the other man worriedly looking back.

“He’s here Robert, you need to run, he’s gonna kill me."

Robert took a step closer to Aaron which made him wince so he stopped as to not scare the distressed man even more.

“Can I come closer Aaron? I am not gonna hurt you. I promise." The other man said calmingly.

Aaron nodded quietly, still shaking and breathing hard.

Robert lifted his hands in the air and slowly walked over to Aaron. He knelt in front of him, making sure he wasn’t touching Aaron.

“Look at me, really look at me. You’re home, he’s not here, he’s locked up, he can’t hurt you and I won’t let him, never!"

Thick tears were rolling down Aaron's face now and he lunged forward into the other man's arms, hiding his face away. "I’m sorry."

Robert softly wrapped his arms around the brunette and held him tight.

Aaron couldn’t stop crying. It took him a while to calm down. Robert never let him go and kept hugging him.

When he felt like breathing again, he slowly pulled himself away from the other man and hid his face in shame.

“I’m so sorry."

Robert looked at him with tears in his eyes. “There’s nothing to be sorry for Aaron."

Aaron was shattered, his leg hurt and he felt all energy being drained from him.

The blonde man looked over to the bed. “You should get some more sleep, we can talk tomorrow ok?"

Aaron's breathing got a bit faster again. “I don’t, I can’t .... Would you lay down with me for a bit till I fall asleep?"

Robert helped Aaron up and put the duvet aside so they could both get into the bed.

Aaron slowly laid down with Robert next to him, putting the duvet back over them both.

“Is that ok for you?"

“Could you maybe? Your arm …" Aaron stuttered.

Robert turned on his side and Aaron shuffled himself towards Robert hiding his face in the other man’s chest.

“Sleep Aaron, I’m here. I’ll keep you safe I promise."

Aaron‘s eyes closed and he let himself be dragged down by Robert‘s warmth.

Darkness crept over his mind and he fell into a quiet sleep.

\-----------------------

Aaron woke up to the sound of snoring. It took him a while to register where he was. He felt a weight lying on his chest and for a second his panic rose. He quickly opened his eyes to see Robert next to him. His chest falling and rising softly. Aaron let out a relieved breath. His back hurt a bit, probably because he wasn’t moving around much last night with the other man lying next to him. He carefully tried to move his body so his tired limbs would stop hurting. He also desperately needed the toilet.

“Nghhhh.” He heard the man next to him groan, tightening his grip around him.

Aaron gently touched his arm. “Robert.” 

The other man‘s eyes popped open to stare at Aaron confused. He quickly took his arm off Aaron‘s chest. “Oh sorry, sorry I get a bit clingy when I sleep. Was it too much?”

Aaron sat himself up, his back resting against the headboard. “No, it’s ok. It actually … felt nice.”

His cheeks turned red as Robert smiled, rubbing Aaron’s arm up and down.

“Right, toilet.” Aaron got up, hissing slightly as he stood.

“That still sore?” The other man looked at him with worried eyes.

“Yeah it hurts a bit more in the morning, it’ll be fine later.” He answered, making his way to the en-suite bathroom.

He quickly took a piss, checked himself in the mirror and went back to the bedroom.

Robert was still in bed, sitting up now though and scrolling through his phone. Aaron had to stop and take some deep breaths.

The blonde man in his bed was a beautiful sight. Robert was wearing a white t-shirt which was sitting tightly around his chest. Aaron could see his muscles. His arms looked strong. He was fit and Aaron suddenly felt self-conscious looking down at himself. And after his breakdown yesterday Robert must think he was a right freak.

“I looked it up and found some massage techniques for your leg I could-"

Aaron shook his head fast. “No!" He replied a bit too loud which made Robert flinch a little. “I mean, maybe later."

The brunette put on his hoodie and sat down on the bedside again sighing. “Look, I’m sorry you had to witness _ that _ yesterday."

Robert moved over to where Aaron was sitting and put his arm softly on his shoulder. Aaron fought the urge to flinch away.

The other man spoke gently. “After the trauma you went through, it’s to be expected. Not to compare them in any way, but I had nightmares too after Mum died."

Aaron nodded. “It‘s so exhausting. I just want one night of actually sleeping. You being here helped though."

The other man squeezed his shoulder. “Well I‘m glad."

Aaron turned around to look Robert in the face. “Thank you, I mean for being there and not running."

Robert looked stunned for a second. “Why would I do that? I care about you Aaron."

The brunette shyly smiled. “Want some coffee?"

“Yeah. That‘d be nice. Erm, Aaron you won’t open the pub till later this evening right? It’s Sunday and I need to finish that job at the garage for Cain since he’s away for the weekend, and I wanted to ask if you’d come with me and help? Only if you’re up for it.” Robert asked.

Aaron coughed. “Ehm, I guess I could yeah.”

Robert nodded happily. “Right, shall we go then?” He stood up and walked out of the room.

Aaron flopped down on the bed again sucking in a deep breath. His fingers ran along his stomach, feeling the faint but still visible scars there. It scared him how good the other man made him feel. But what would he think when he’d see what Aaron had secretly done to himself. He shook his head in disgust. He’d run, wouldn’t he.

“I’m gonna make some coffee for when you’re ready alright?!” He heard Robert yell from the hallway.

“Yeah I’ll be down in a sec.”

Aaron got up and went over to the sideboard, opening the first drawer. He took his overalls out. He hadn’t worn them for a long while. A flashback from years ago of him and Cain fooling around at the garage appeared in his mind. He had good times with his Uncle at the garage and he felt a rush of sadness, wanting those times back. Then Robert appeared in his mind and he felt this warmth again which made him smile. When he took the overalls out something fell on the floor. Aaron looked down and saw it was his pocket knife that he kept hidden there. He was staring at it for a while, being hypnotized by it. He knelt down and picked it up. It lay quietly in his palm, next to the wound which was healing nicely. The urge to just close his hand around the blade of the knife was scratching at the edge of his mind when he heard noises from the kitchen.

“Aaron I can‘t find the coffee beans!”

Aaron shook himself and put the knife back in the drawer and closed it. He didn’t need to do this anymore. He was alright.

He quickly put on his overalls and a black Henley and made his way down the stairs to find Robert searching around the kitchen.

“The coffee beans are on the top shelf.” He chuckled.

Robert looked up at the shelf. “Oh right.” He turned towards Aaron and tried to say something but the words got stuck in his throat and he coughed.

“What?” Aaron looked at him confused.

“Nothing.” Robert blushed. “Just. The overalls look really good on you.”

Aaron shyly looked away. “Thanks I guess. You gonna make the coffee now or?”

Robert didn’t take his eyes off him whilst making the coffee and Aaron was smiling at himself.

\-------------------------------

After they had coffee and some toast they went over to the garage. It was still quiet outside and the streets were empty.

The boys walked next to each other in a comfortable silence.

Suddenly there was a knock on a window and they both looked over to see Lillian at the window jumping and waving. They both waved back but kept on walking.

“That girl adores you.” Robert said.

“I adore her more. She’s gorgeous.” Aaron replied.

“Do you ever want kids?!” The blonde man looked at him.

“I don’t know. I never really thought about it. I don’t think I would be a good Father not with-" Aaron shook his head.

“I think you’d make a good Dad Aaron.” Robert tried to reassure him.

They rest of the walk was quiet and they arrived at the garage a couple of minutes later. “Right let’s get to work then.”

The two of them had been working for a while in silence, getting on well so the job was almost finished. Aaron felt good and he knew it was mostly down to Robert. He hadn’t felt ok in a long time.

“Robert could you give me that wrench over there?" Aaron asked but didn’t get an answer.

“Robert?" He turned around to see the other man leaning against the wall, not moving.

Aaron looked questioningly at him. “Earth to Robert?!"

“Sorry got a bit distracted there. Those overalls really suit you, you’ve got a really nice-”

Aaron threw a cloth at Robert that hit him right in the face. The brunette started laughing loudly.

“Oh, you wanna do it like this!" The blonde lunged towards Aaron who ran to the back of the car giggling.

The two men were chasing each other till Aaron accidentally tripped over a cable and stumbled backwards.

Robert reached out with his hands and grabbed both of his shoulders, pulling the other man towards him.

Their chests collided with each other and their noses touched. Everything came to an halt all of a sudden.

Aaron looked up right into the other man‘s blue eyes. He was hypnotized by them. Robert smiled softly at him.

The brunette lifted his hand to gently stroke Robert's cheek. A puff of air escaped his lips and he felt himself getting hot.

Aaron slowly moved closer. His lips hovering over the blonde man’s neck. He placed tiny kisses on there. Robert giggled and put his hands on the back of Aaron‘s head holding him steady.

Aaron kissed his way up to Robert’s face, breathing in the other man's sweet scent. He stopped right in front of Robert's lips and looked deep in his eyes once more.

“Aaron." The other man moaned, aroused.

Their lips connected with each other and it felt like time stood still. Aaron felt himself getting hotter and hotter.

Robert's hands wandered from Aaron's neck over his shoulders, along his arms to stop on Aarons hips, which he gripped tightly.

Aaron couldn’t help but moan into the other man's mouth.

Their lips danced with each other, exploring each other, hungrily.

Aaron moved his fingers along Robert's chest slowly opening up the buttons of the overalls.

Robert's hips were moving with Aaron and he felt himself getting hard.

Their kissing got harder and Robert gripped Aaron's arse cheeks tight, pushing him backwards towards the car.

Aaron pushed down the other man's overalls so he was only in a t-shirt. His fingers wandered along his strong arms.

They broke from their kiss and looked at each other. "God you’re so hot." Robert blushed.

Once again they pressed their lips together and Robert started to open Aaron's overalls.

“Are you serious? Come on boys not in my garage." Cain walked in surprisingly.

The two men stumbled backwards, Aaron hiding himself behind Robert.

The blonde man coughed. “We were just finishing the car.” He nodded over to the parked car.

“And?” The older man looked questioningly at them.

“And what?” The blonde man replied.

“Did you finish the car or were you just fucking around, literally.” Cain mumbled, trying to look at Aaron who was still hiding behind Robert.

“Yes, yes we finished the job, your client can get it back tomorrow.” Robert said.

“Erm I need to wash my hands.” Aaron quickly moved past Robert into the office avoiding his Uncle's eyes.

What were they thinking fooling around here like this? What if Cain would have seen them. His cheeks blushed a bit and Aaron shook his head. It had felt good to feel carefree for once though. He felt light. Was that happiness he was feeling? He turned the tap on and washed his hands. He heard voices coming from the garage and tried to concentrate on what the two men were saying.

“I know Aaron’s an adult and he can look after himself, well mostly, but if you hurt him Sugden I'll have to kill you. Take that as a soft warning.” Aaron heard Cain say.

Robert nervously shuffled around. Aaron could hear his footsteps. God his Uncle was embarrassing.

Robert stopped walking around. “I would never hurt him. I like him a lot.”

Aaron turned the tap off and dried his hands. He went back into the room, catching Cain slapping Robert's arm slightly “You're alright.”

Cain nodded and smiled. “You can go now. I’ll lock up.”

The men agreed and made their way home.

\-------------------------------

Aaron tiredly sat down on the chair and yawned.

“You tired old man?” Robert nudged his shoulder.

“Guess I’m not used to garage work anymore. It was fun. Sorry about my Uncle being so embarrassing though.” Aaron looked at the other man with red cheeks. 

There really had been no need for Cain to lecture Robert like that. Aaron could take care of himself, but people were always worried about him, and to be honest he couldn’t blame them after his behaviour these last months.

Robert sat down opposite him. “No, it’s fine. He cares about you and he just wants you to be ok.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Aaron replied.

“Right. I’m gonna get changed. Can I go to the bathroom first?” Robert stood up.

“Yeah, go ahead I wanna grab something to eat first anyway.” Aaron made his way over to the kitchen.

The blonde man walked past Aaron and brushed his shoulder gently. “I had a good time this morning, thanks Aaron.”

Aaron smiled. “Yeah me too.”

The brunette opened the fridge and made himself a sandwich when he heard a knock on the front door of the pub. Aaron looked at the clock, surprised. It wasn’t opening time, so he wondered who it could be. It couldn’t be someone from around here because normally they would come in through the back door. Aaron ignored the knocking and took a bite of his sandwich. Seconds later the knocking got louder and he heard yelling from outside the door. Aaron put the sandwich down. He was annoyed now. He turned on the lights in the bar and walked over to the front door, unlocking it. After doing so the door was pushed open with force which made Aaron stumble backwards and he almost knocked over a chair which was next to the door.

“Where is he?” The stranger yelled.

Aaron sorted his clothes and moved in front of the man. ”Excuse you barging into my pub like this. Who do you think you are?”

The man stared at him with anger in his face. “I said where is he?”

Aaron looked closely at the man and noticed that he recognized his face from somewhere. He looked over the older man's shoulder and saw a younger man standing at the door. He must be a bit older than him he thought. Aaron looked from the younger man to the older man and remembered then where he had seen the pair of them already. They were in the picture in Robert's diary. It must be Robert’s Father and Brother.

He took a step closer to the two men. “He is not here and he doesn’t want to see you, get out.”

The older man moved forward so that his face was close to Aaron's. “Are you fucking my son?!”

The younger man grabbed his Father’s shoulder and pulled him back. “Dad, come on, don’t.”

Robert’s Father violently shook his son's arm off his shoulder and looked at Aaron again. “Did you not hear me?"

Aaron's voice got louder and his body began to shake. “This is none of your concern. Get out of my house, now!"

The older man sneered at him and grabbed the front of Aaron's overalls. “It’s your fault he hasn’t come back, you‘re trapping him here. It’s you?!"

_ It’s your fault. _

The words echoed in Aaron's head and he blinked a couple of times because his vision began to blur. He balled his hands into fists and he felt himself getting worked up. His breath came out in a sharp rasps.

He looked up at the older man and all of a sudden his own Father‘s face appeared in front of him.

_ It’s you, it’s all your fault. _

He tried to say something but he couldn’t get any words out. He felt stuck. His shaking body tried to move but he couldn’t. The grip on his overalls got tighter.

The man came closer and spoke directly in his ear now, not noticing how terrified Aaron was. “Where is Robert?"

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut. His head hurt. He had to get away. He’d hurt him and he’d hurt Robert.

All of sudden the grip on his front disappeared and he slowly opened his eyes to find Robert standing in front of him. In his panic he hadn’t heard him coming into the bar.

Robert had his Father‘s hand in a tight grip and snarled loudly. "Don’t you ever get close to him again. You're never gonna touch him again, do you hear me?" He let go of the older man and squeezed Aaron's hand gently. "Are you ok?"

Robert‘s Father laughed snarkily.

“It’s your birthday today Robert, we want you to come home where you belong." His Brother tried to calm down the situation.

The blonde man shook his head in anger. “I already told you I’m not coming home. You can’t accept who I am and I don’t want to be near people like you. So get the hell out of here. I don’t need you."

“Oh you do need me, your job, your money. This, here? Isn’t you. Him? He’s nothing, he can’t give you all the luxury you want." His Father Jack scoffed.

Aaron’s panic had subsided and he looked between the two men.

“He’s more than you’ve been to me my whole life. I don’t need you and I’m not telling you again, leave now." Robert answered, taking a step back to stand next to Aaron. He looked into his eyes and his hand found it's way into Aaron's and their fingers interlaced with each other.

Andy put a hand on the older man’s shoulder. “Come on Dad, leave it. If this is what he wants."

The older man didn’t let go though and snarled. “Your Mum would be ashamed of you."

Robert looked away, swallowing hard. “You didn’t deserve her, you never did. She’d hate you."

Jack lunged forward to grab the blonde man’s throat.

Aaron saw red. He shoved Robert to the side and swung his fist right into the older man’s face, who yelled out in pain.

“You don’t get to talk about him like this. He doesn’t need you. He’s with me now and I might not have the luxury he was used to but I can love ok, I will love him more than you ever could. He’s your Son and you’re treating him like this. You don’t deserve him and you never will. He’s the kindest and most generous person I know. He's helped me so much. You don’t get to ruin him. Get the fuck away from us." Aaron was screaming now.

His whole body was shaking and his breathing was erratic. He made another lunge forward to go after Jack again, but suddenly felt strong arms holding him back, holding him tight around his shoulders.

“Stop Aaron please, he’s not worth it."

Aaron turned around to see Robert slightly shaking, with tears in his eyes.

He took his phone out of his overalls and held it up. “If you’re not going, I’ll call the police on you for trespassing. Go now."

Jack looked at Robert one last time. “Don’t show your face again. You’re dead to me."

Aaron grabbed Robert‘s hand but the other man stepped away.

Jack and Andy left the pub, slamming the door behind them.

“Robert I’m-" Aaron tried to comfort the other man.

Robert looked at him sadly. “I- I need to go."

He rushed past Aaron out of the pub.

“Robert wait!"

\----------------------------------

Aaron had been pacing around in the pub for half an hour and Robert wasn’t back yet. He called him a couple of times but the other man didn’t pick up the calls. He was getting worried. He grabbed his keys and decided to go for a stroll around the village.

A couple of metres down the road he bumped into Cain. "Have you seen Robert?"

“Woah, where’s the fire, you lost your boyfriend?" Cain chuckled.

Aaron frowned at his Uncle. "He’s not- have you seen him or not?"

“Right. No I haven’t seen him, why?" His Uncle replied.

Aaron shook his head and just kept on walking, ignoring the older man's further questions. He had to find Robert.

He looked around the garage and the playground. The village hall and cafe, but the other man was nowhere to be found.

He had looked everywhere around the village when he remembered his favourite quiet place outside town. He quickened his steps and made his way over to the little river a couple of minutes away from town.

When he got over the hill he saw a figure standing on the bridge over the river. He let out a relieved breath when he saw it was Robert who was standing there.

He quietly made his way over so as to not startle the other man.

Aaron stepped onto the bridge and the other man must have noticed him coming but didn’t look up.

He stood next to Robert putting his arms on the railing and looked over the river.

The two men stood there in silence for a while till Aaron shuffled closer to the other man. Their arms touched gently.

“I come out here a lot when I need to clear my head. It’s a beautiful place." Aaron tried to ge the other man's attention.

Robert still didn’t look at him though.

“Robert, please talk to me." Aaron gently nudged his shoulder.

Finally the other man looked at Aaron with teary and puffy eyes. All of a sudden Aaron felt this sadness rushing over him, seeing Robert like this.

“What’s there to say Aaron? You heard my Father, I’m dead to him. I’ve got no home anymore." Robert looked away once again.

Aaron took Robert‘s hand and held it tight when the other man tried to pull it away.

“We could be your home, I mean me and the pub and my crazy family. If you want?" He softly stroked Robert’s hand with his thumb.

“You’ve been there for me and helped me Robert. Let me help you too?"

Robert's voice was nothing but a whisper when he spoke again. “So you think you owe me?"

“What? No, it’s not that. It’s, you make me happy, I guess?" Aaron tried to explain.

The blonde man scoffed slightly. “You guess?"

Aaron coughed. “Come on Rob you know I’m not good at this opening up stuff, but yeah I think you make me happy. I think I haven’t felt this happy for a long time."

Robert squeezed his hand. “You deserve all the happiness Aaron."

The brunette gently grabbed Robert's chin to make him look at him. “So do you Robert."

He lightly ran his fingers along the other man's jaw stopping when his thumb brushed over his lips.

Robert moved closer and their lips connected softly. Aaron threw his arms around Robert and pressed their bodies together. After they stopped kissing, they kept on holding each other for a while.

When they broke their hug Robert shily looked at Aaron who brushed away a tear from his cheek. 

“And your Father was wrong, you don’t need him, you don’t need anything from him. You got me now and the whole Dingle lot." Aaron took the other man’s hand once more.

“So does that mean I can, like, stay? With you?" Robert whispered.

“You can stay." Aaron smiled at him with sparkly eyes.

“Thank you." The blonde man nodded and smiled back.

“Wanna go home? I’m starving." Aaron started walking and pulled Robert after him.

The other man followed and softly bumped his shoulder into Aaron, putting an arm over his shoulder. “As much as I love you in those overalls you should get changed, you stink."

Both men laughed in unison and walked back home.


	7. Chapter 7

Aaron carefully lifted Robert’s arm off his chest and slid himself quietly out of the bed. After yesterday’s incident with Robert’s Father he hadn’t let go of Aaron and did not fall asleep till he held him tight. Aaron looked at the other man and smiled. It was insane how much he meant to him in this short time. He almost decked Robert's father after he’d said all those hurtful things. Robert didn’t deserve it. He was a wonderful person. It didn’t go amiss that Andy mentioned it being Rob's birthday yesterday, but after all the trouble Aaron didn’t want to ask the other man about it. That’s why he’d planned to surprise Robert today. Quietly as possible he grabbed some clothes out of the drawer and walked on tiptoes out of the room. He looked at the other man once more and closed the door carefully so as to not wake him up.

He had a quick wash and made his way down to the kitchen. There wasn’t much food left so he decided to get some stuff at the shops. Rob had mentioned how he loved to be outside and enjoy the fresh air. So Aaron thought about surprising the other man with a picnic for lunch. He grabbed a blanket from the sofa and a basket. Before he left he wrote a little note for Robert to meet him at the pavilion for lunch. He smiled when he put down the pen and left the house.

Outside he quickly walked over to David’s shop only to run into Adam who was carrying two coffees. 

“Mate what’s the rush?” Adam laughed loudly at him. The other man was always surrounded by that energy which made Aaron smile.

“I’m off to the shop, I need some bits.” Aaron answered shortly.

“Where’s your Robert then!” His best mate giggled and slapped his shoulder lightly.

Aaron rolled his eyes but smiled back. “He’s still sleeping. Actually I’m really in a hurry Adam. Can we talk another time?”

Adam's face got serious and he stepped closer to Aaron. “Are you alright man? Sugden didn’t do anything did he?”

Aaron looked surprised. “What? No? It’s just, it was his birthday yesterday but he didn’t say and I kinda wanted to surprise him today.”

Adam again laughed loudly. “Look at you getting all romantic. Alright catch up later then, have fun you two.”

The brunette squeezed the other man's shoulder and turned around to walk over to the shop.

“I’m happy you’re moving on Aaron. You deserve to be happy, more than anyone else.” Adam smiled and Aaron nodded in response.

He went to David’s shop to get some bread and sausages and crisps. He didn’t really know what Robert’s favourites were, so he took a bit of everything. He felt excited and happy.

When he went around the corner he saw Paddy and Rhona standing outside the church talking to Harriet. He tried to duck away and walk over to the path that leads to the pavillion.

“Aaron. Aaron we’re here. Where you going?” He heard his Stepdad yelling over to him, waving his hands wildly. He hoped they wouldn’t see him and he could finally get over to the pavillion and sort the things for the picnic.

Paddy and Rhona said their goodbyes to Harriet and made their way over to where Aaron was standing. He nervously stepped from one foot to the other, not wanting to talk to the pair. 

“Where you off to Aaron? Are you going on a picnic?” The older man asked looking at the blanket and the basket with food in. Rhona smiled at him softly.

“Erm yeah I was planning to surprise Robert because it was his birthday yesterday.” Aaron told the couple.

“This is really wonderful Aaron.” Rhona patted his shoulder gently. “He is good for you. We’re all happy for you. You seem so much better.”   
Aaron coughed and looked away. “Right, I really need to get started.”

The couple said goodbye and Aaron could finally make his way over to the picnic place.

He put down the blanket and sorted all the food. It was an hour till lunch time and he hoped Robert had found his note in the kitchen. He sat on the blanket and took a sip of his coffee that he had brought from David’s. It was a warm sunny day and Aaron looked around. The trees were beautiful in their color and the air smelled fresh and clear. He took a deep breath. He hadn’t felt this lighthearted and carefree for a long time. A tiny tear made it's way down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away with his hand. He stopped in his tracks and looked at his hand. The wound was almost healed. And it wasn’t only the wound on his hand that had healed, he felt his heart was healing too. He squeezed his eyes shut for a minute to get his feelings under control.

“This is where you’re hiding.” A voice startled him and he opened his eyes. 

“What’s all this?” Robert asked with wide eyes.

Aaron got up and handed Robert the coffee. “Well it was your birthday yesterday and we didn’t get to celebrate it, so I thought … you might like this? You said you like being outside and stuff.” Aaron blushed.

The blonde man sighed and took in a sharp breath. “You didn’t have to do this, my birthday isn’t that important.”

Aaron scoffed back at the other man. “It is important to me. Now sit down and eat. I wasn’t sure what you actually like so I got a bit of everything."

Aaron sat down and Robert followed him. They ate their lunch quietly, enjoying the silence and peace. 

“My Mum used to do picnics like this with me all the time.” Robert looked over to the little river that crossed the field. “She always said there’s nothing better than fresh air and good food.”

“Your Mum was right. It’s really nice, I wish I had done this with my Mum too.” Aaron laid his hand on Robert's. He shuffled closer to where Robert was sitting and softly rubbed his nose onto the other man’s cheek.

“Then we'll have to do more picnics like this, won't we?” Robert looked deeply into his eyes.

“Yeah.” Aaron whispered softly and let his hand wander over Robert’s arm to his neck. He grabbed him softly and pulled him closer.

Their noses touched and Aaron kissed his way from the other man’s cheek to his lips and planted a soft kiss on there.

Robert chuckled and put his arm around Aaron. The brunette lunged forward and kissed the other man again, which made him lose his grip on the blanket and he fell over backwards on the grass, dragging Aaron along with him.

Both men laughed as Robert rubbed the back of his head. He softly looked at Aaron and cupped his cheek. He grabbed Aaron by the lapels of his hoodie and pulled him closer so that he was almost lying on top of him. He could feel the other man’s heartbeat on his chest.  The blonde man kissed his chin and nose and pulled him even closer to kiss him softly. Aaron opened his mouth a bit so their tongues could meet. They were dancing with their tongues, biting, sucking, kissing. After they broke their kiss they looked lovingly at each other.

Aaron smiled. “Happy birthday Robert.” The other man smiled back and kissed him again.

Robert’s fingers wandered from his spot on Aaron’s neck over his shoulders to his sides and he softly tickled the other man. Aaron laughed loudly and rolled himself off of Robert. 

“Stop it you!” He lied down next to Robert, his head resting on his arm. He breathed in deeply and closed his eyes. “I think I could lie down here for the rest of my life with you.”

The blonde man moved up and rested his head on his arm so he could get a better look at Aaron. “Seeing you so calm and peaceful, it’s what I wanna see for the rest of my life. It looks beautiful on you.”

“Shushhhh you!” Aaron laughed and turned around to face Robert again.

Suddenly he felt something wet dripping on his nose. Both men looked up to see that a couple of dark clouds had made their way over to the pavilion.

“Guess we should get going. You need to open up the pub soon anyway.” Robert got up and started putting the food away. He held his hand out to help Aaron get up too. He softly grabbed Aaron’s hand and they slowly made their way back to the pub.

  
  


\--------------------------

  
  


They made it back to the pub in time before a summer rain shower spread over the village. Both of their clothes were a bit wet when they stepped inside.

Robert put the blanket and picnic basket away. He looked over to Aaron again and smiled. “Thank you for this, it meant a lot.”

Aaron shily looked away. “I had fun doing it and I like it when you smile.”

The blonde man walked over to where Aaron was standing in the door. “We should get out of this wet clothes don’t you think?” He grabbed Aaron’s chin to make him look up at him.

Aaron’s eyes were shining and Robert couldn’t look away. He stepped closer to Aaron so their hips touched. The brunette felt his heartbeat getting faster. Robert looked at him with love and lust as he kissed him again. 

“Robert.” Aaron mumbled quietly and put his hand around the other man’s neck.

Robert’s lips hovered over Aaron's cheek, and he put tiny kisses along his jawline, softly rubbing his scruff with his other hand. His kissed down Aaron's throat to lick around the other man’s Adam's apple. 

Aaron’s knees started to shake and goosebumps rose up on his arms. The other man noticed Aaron’s wobbly legs and softly pushed him against the wall to steady him. Aaron’s hand wandered over to Robert’s shirt where he slowly started to unbutton it. Robert’s fingers went down to Aaron’s hip and he gripped him tightly, rubbing their groins onto each other. 

Aaron’s blood rushed straight down to his cock, making his pants get tighter around it. He quickly finished opening the other man’s shirt and let it fall open. Robert was gorgeous, he’d already seen him naked once when he was looking at a sleeping Robert some weeks ago, but other than that they'd always been dressed, even when they were sleeping in one bed together. Feeling especially insecure in himself, with not wanting Robert to see his scars on his chest and stomach. Robert's chest and stomach were hard and muscular, and Aaron ran his finger down to the navel, stopping at his nipples to pinch them softly, which made Robert moan loudly. His skin looked golden, and had tiny constellations of freckles everywhere. Aaron was hypnotized by them. He licked his tongue along the tiny brown dots, which made Robert giggle.

“God Aaron, can we please go upstairs?” Robert lustfully looked at Aaron, who then took his hand and dragged him upstairs to his room. 

Once in his room he closed the door, and he shily looked at a half naked Robert standing in his bedroom. All of a sudden he got incredibly nervous and had to take a step back.

Robert frowned at him. “Are you ok Aaron? We don’t have to if you don’t want too.” The other man softly reassured him.

He locked eyes with Robert and walked over to him. He softly brushed Robert’s already open shirt off his shoulders and kissed him there. Robert kissed his forehead and looked deeply in his eyes. “I care so much about you Aaron.” 

Aaron kissed him on the mouth hard, his fingers finding their way to Robert’s belt. He quickly opened it. Robert put his hands on Aaron’s hips again, pushed up his hoodie and shirt a bit so his stomach was visible. 

Aaron shakingly pushed Robert’s hands away and pulled his hoodie down.  “Gosh I’m sorry I didn’t mean to push you. You really don’t have to Aaron.” Robert looked at him again with worried eyes.

“No it’s not that. I really want this, want you. It’s just -” He pointed at his chest and stomach. “It’s ugly under there and I don’t want to scare you away.” He let his head fall down on his chest and hid his face away.

“Aaron you’re beautiful inside and outside, I could never find you ugly.” Robert answered with love in his voice.

“There’s more of this.” He lifted his hand and pointed at the wound on it. “There’s so much more and I hate myself for it.”

Robert slowly came closer. “I don’t mind Aaron really, but if it makes you more comfortable you can leave it on or we can just wait. I want you to be happy with this, with us.”

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut. “But I don’t want to let this ruin my life any longer.” He took a deep breath, and pulled the hoodie and the shirt over his head in one go, exposing his upper body completely. He was scared to open his eyes and see the other man’s reaction.

Suddenly he felt soft kisses on his stomach and he flinched away opening his eyes. Robert was in front of him on his knees looking at his stomach. “Keep your eyes closed.” He heard the other man say. He closed them again. 

“You. Are. Beautiful. Aaron. Dingle.” The other man said, underlining every word with a soft kiss on one of his scars. Robert kissed his way over his stomach and chest till he was standing up in front of Aaron. He put his arms around Aaron and hugged him tight. “They don’t define you Aaron, they make you strong. You’re still here, you’re still fighting. I am so proud of you.” He softly whispered in his ear.

Aaron opened his eyes again to look at the other man. They smiled at each other softly. “Let me take care of you Aaron, I wanna take care of you.”

Robert’s fingers wandered to his belt and he opened it quickly. He kissed Aaron once more, but then moved down onto his knees again, to push the other man's jeans and boxers down in one go.

Aaron couldn’t deny it but the other man kissing and caressing his body made his cock incredibly hard. He wanted Robert to touch it so badly when he felt a finger softly rubbing at the head of his cock, pushing his foreskin away. 

“Oh fuck Robert.” He moaned loudly.

Robert laughed and breathed heavily on the head of his cock. It made Aaron shudder all over his body. Aaron softly put his hands on the other man’s head. He wanted to feel his beautiful mouth on him, that’s when Robert licked around his cock with his tongue. 

Aaron's breathing got faster and he felt himself getting dizzy. “Rob you need to ..” 

Robert took him fully into his mouth till the head of his cock connected with the back of Robert’s throat. He ran his tongue around it which made Aaron moan out loud. 

He could feel his precum dripping down into Robert’s mouth. Even the thought of the other man having his mouth on him nearly made him come right there and then. 

Robert took his mouth off his cock with a loud pop. He pumped his cock with his hand a couple of times, then took Aaron by the hand and led him over to the bed. “Lay down.” He gently pushed him onto the bed, sorting the cushions so Aaron was comfortable. 

He stood in front of the bed taking Aaron in. He was lying there all naked, his cock standing up gloriously. He had his hands on his chest and stomach to hide the scars. 

“Don’t hide. God Aaron you’re so beautiful. I want you so much.” Robert took off his trousers and underwear, and crawled over to where Aaron was lying. Aaron swallowed when he saw Robert’s already hard cock. He’d expected it to look good, but it was more than that. His was a bit longer than his own, and surrounded by lovely blonde pubic hair, and Aaron all of sudden urgently wanted to know how it felt, how it’d feel inside him, how it’d taste in his mouth.

His thoughts got interrupted by Robert kissing him hard on the mouth, moaning into him. 

“Aaron, Aaron, Aaron.” The other man whispered softly. 

Aaron felt like he would explode anytime soon. His heart would jump out of his chest any minute. Robert kissed his way down, softly licked at his collar bone and stopped at his nipples, turning them around with his tongue, sucking them. Aaron couldn’t do anything but moan and whine. His cock was throbbing so hard and leaking precum. 

Robert softly traced Aaron's scars with his fingers. “I’m so sorry you were hurting this much that you felt the need to do this. I’m here now. You never have to do this again.” 

Aaron felt like crying but he wasn’t upset. All the lust and love Robert gave him overwhelmed him. He felt himself falling but he didn’t want to stop.

Robert rubbed his cock hard and pushed his own cock against his. “Fuck Aaron this is so good!” 

Aaron threw his head back when Robert’s mouth found it's way onto his cock again. He kept on sucking and kissing. Aaron's moans got louder and he gripped the sheets so tightly the white of his knuckles were visible. 

Robert’s head bobbed up and down and his tongue slid around Aaron's cock, licking it like a lolly. 

“Oh fuck Robert I am so close, God I am so close please don’t stop.” 

Robert took his mouth off Aaron to lick at a thick vein running along the side of Aaron's cock.

“Please please.” Aaron begged. His head was foggy and he only wanted Robert’s mouth on him forever.

Robert laughed teasingly. “Only when you look at me, I want you to look at me when you come.” 

Aaron sighed. “Goddamnit Robert.” But he looked up and opened his eyes. 

It was a beautiful sight to see. Robert all naked and gorgeous, kneeling between his legs grinning at him. Once more Robert took him into his mouth and looked him directly in the eyes. Aaron tried to keep his eyes open when he felt his cock hitting the back of Robert’s throat again and again.

It only took two more seconds and he shot his cum down Robert’s throat, who swallowed it happily. 

“FFUUUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK ROB!” 

His body was shaking, and Robert’s mouth was still on him, and he felt himself flying. His head flew back and he couldn’t help but close his eyes. His fingers hurt from gripping the bed sheets so tightly. 

Robert let go of his cock and moved upwards to Aaron, kissing him. Aaron felt his own cum in his mouth, and he almost came again after feeling Robert’s tongue invading his mouth. 

His breath came in short rasps now, and a tear ran down his cheek. 

“Aaron are you alright?” Aaron opened his eyes, still breathing heavily. “Holy shit Robert that was amazing.” 

He grabbed Robert by the neck and kissed him again. The other man laughed and wrapped himself around Aaron. 

Robert's head was lying on Aaron’s chest as he slowly came down from his high. He felt incredible, but he wanted more. He softly nudged Robert’s head with his chin, and let his fingers run down the other man’s naked spine. 

“I want to feel you in me.” He whispered softly. 

Robert’s head shot up. “Aaron? Are you sure about this?” 

Aaron nodded shily. “Please. I want you. I need you.”

Robert nodded and Aaron pointed to the bed side table. Robert opened it, and got lube and a condom out. 

“I’ll be careful ok? And if it’s too much tell me to stop anytime.” Robert stroked his arm. 

“I won’t.” Aaron looked lustful into Robert's eyes.

Robert shuffled down between Aaron's legs and lifted them up a bit. He kissed Aaron’s thighs and groin softly. 

“Tell me how this feels.” He licked his way down to Aaron's hole and circled around it with his tongue. 

Aaron let out a screech. “Good, it’s good.” 

Robert’s tongue pushed inside him slowly, twirling around. Aaron was wriggling and wincing on top of the other man’s mouth. 

“Yes yes please.” 

Robert drove his tongue in deeper as Aaron nearly lost it. The other man carefully added another finger into Aaron’s hole to open him up slowly. 

“More please more.” Aaron bit into his pillow to stop himself from screaming. 

The blonde man added one more finger till he had three fingers in Aaron, carefully scissoring him open. 

“Please put it in, please do it Robert.” 

“Impatient Dingle.” He laughed but took his finger out and rubbed at his cock a couple of times, then lined himself up in front of Aaron. He softly nudged his cock against the other man’s entrance. 

Aaron felt himself going crazy if the other man didn't finally get on with it. Robert sensed Aaron’s desperation and carefully pushed into him. Both of them moaned in unison. 

“God you feel so good Aaron.” 

With Robert praising him and the constant rub against his prostate, Aaron felt himself getting hard again. 

“Harder Robert, do it harder.” 

Robert giggled and gripped Aaron by the hips to thrust harder into him. Aaron was screaming now, letting all his energy and lust out, which made Robert come inside Aaron hard, filling him up. Seeing Robert come pushed Aaron over the edge too, and made him come all over his own stomach. 

Robert breathed hard and fell over, pushing his chest against Aaron’s. His dick came out of Aaron’s hole, still a bit swollen and thick. Aaron mourned the loss of the other man’s cock, and put his arms around him. 

“Shit Robert, what are you doing to me?” 

Robert locked up at him with a grin on his face. “Desperate were ya?” 

Aaron slapped his back, shutting the other man up with a hard kiss on his mouth.

After they had finished kissing, Robert rolled himself off Aaron and lied down next to him. 

Both their cocks had softened, and Robert was still wearing the condom, but too tired to move. 

They were quietly lying next to each other for a while, till Robert got up and threw the condom away. 

Aaron watched him closely with tired eyes. “Lay down with me for a bit Robert?” 

The other man nodded and came back to bed, wrapping the duvet over both of them. Robert softly drew patterns over Aaron’s stomach which made his eyes grow heavy, and he closed them and drifted off to sleep.

  
  


\------------------------------

  
  


A distant noise woke Aaron up and he slowly opened his eyes. There was a weight on his shoulder, and he could see Robert’s head lying on his chest. His eyes wandered over the other man's naked body. The duvet must have fallen off the bed during their sleep. Robert’s hand rested on his groin, and Aaron almost felt himself getting hard again, when his phone rang. He carefully rolled himself over a bit to not wake Robert.

He saw it was Cain calling. “What?” Aaron whispered into the phone. 

“Have you had a look at the clock? Why is the pub not open and Sugden’s arse not at the garage?” Cain yelled down the other end. 

Aaron checked the clock and it was already tea time. He chuckled at himself. “Oh right, I’m not feeling well, stomach bug or something.”

“Yeah right. And Sugden?!” His Uncle was grumpy.

“He’s got it too. Sorry we should have said.” Aaron tried to explain.

The older man laughed. “You can tell that to your Gran, but she wouldn’t believe it either. I’ll let you off, but Sugden needs to finish that job asap.” He hung up and Aaron shook his head, putting the phone away. 

He looked over to Robert’s sleeping form. He loved the other man’s curves, and all the tiny freckles everywhere. He carefully squished himself under Robert again which startled the other man.

“What?”

“Shush, sleep Robert.” He softly kissed the other man's shoulder and rested his head against the cushion. He listened to Robert's soft breathing, and closed his eyes, falling asleep again.

  
  


\-------------------------------

  
  


Aaron felt something tickling his arm and he tried to roll over, only to realise that he was stuck, and very much naked in his bed. In panic, his eyes shot open. 

“What-?”

“Hey, hey it’s alright." Robert softly touched his arm. “It’s me."

Aaron looked at the other man and relaxed. “Sorry I’m still not used to this."

“It’s ok. I understand. Good morning you." The other man softly ran his finger along Aaron’s naked chest.

“Good morning you too." Aaron breathed out softly.

“How do you feel about yesterday?" Robert shuffled closer and pressed his face into Aaron‘s side.

“It was good, yeah. Thank you." Aaron rolled over to face Robert properly.

“Yeah same."

Their lips softly connected and Aaron smiled. Waking up next to the other man was still new to him but it was a nice feeling. He felt safe and comfortable.

“I can’t believe you’re lying in bed here with me. I thought I’d never have this, and then you turned up and changed everything." The brunette looked at Robert with a serious face.

“I know, I’m irresistible." He chuckled. “You did change my life too Aaron. For the better. Thank you for letting me in. Literally. I'd probably still be sleeping in that bus stop over the road."

“I slept there myself a couple of times." Aaron laughed. “Really not that comfy."

The boys just lied there in silence, enjoying the other's company. Aaron felt good and at peace. After everything that had happened he didn’t think he could ever let someone in again. He was glad that he did invite Robert to stay that one day a couple of months ago.

He turned his head over to look at Robert again.

“What?" The other man replied.

“Nothing. It’s – I’m happy." Aaron felt tears form at the edge of his eyes and tried to blink them away.

Robert wiped the tears away before they could fall. “I’m happy you’re happy. I am too."

A loud bang on the door downstairs made the two men look up.

“What is it with this village and people interrupting." Robert rolled his eyes and lifted the duvet over them.

Aaron pushed the duvet away. “They won’t stop until I answer."

The blonde man pouted at him.

“I’ll be right back ok?" Aaron smiled.

He quickly put on some jogging bottoms, and realised that his stomach was still sticky with sweat and his cum from yesterday. He walked over to the bathroom and gave himself a quick wash with the sponge, and sprayed some deodorant all over himself.

Robert was still lying in bed, gloriously naked, his cock standing up a bit. He gave it a quick rub while looking at Aaron intensely.

“Don’t do this Robert." Aaron coughed and felt the urge to join him.

“What? I’m just enjoying the view and well-” He pointed at his hardening dick. “He does too."

“Don’t tell me you have a name for your dick?" Aaron looked questioningly at the other man.

The knocking got louder as Aaron shook his head and quickly pulled a longsleeve shirt over himself, making his way downstairs.

The knocking came from the back door as he walked over, unlocking it. As soon as he opened it some brown curls were sticking their head in. “Uncle `Ron where are you?"

He took a step back to fully open the door and Victoria, with Isaac on her hip, smiled at Aaron.

“Oh Aaron thank God you’re here, I need your help."

Lillian was already running around the living room. “We gonna have a party today Uncle `Ron."

Aaron looked confused from Lillian over to Victoria, who was trying to calm down Isaac.

"Look Lils and Isaac were supposed to be at nursery this morning but the teacher got ill all of a sudden, and I can’t take them there, but I need to run some errands for Diddy Diner and Adam's on a scrap run. Unfortunately Cain and Moira went away to Leeds to do some bank stuff and Diane is busy. I don’t know where else I can leave them. Could you maybe watch them this morning?" She looked at Aaron hopefully.

Little Isaac was reaching his arms out for Aaron to take him. “Aon play."

“I don’t know, I gotta open the pub later and sort some orders." He stuttered.

“Aaron please I don’t know what else to do?" Victoria desperately replied.

Aaron looked at Lillian and Isaac who looked back with big shining eyes. He took Isaac and put him on his hip. “Well I’ve got no choice with those cuties, have I?"

Victoria pressed a kiss on his cheek. “You’re an angel Aaron, thank you. I’ll make it up to you."

“Yeah yeah no worries Vic, it’s alright."

Victoria kissed the kids goodbye and left.

“Alright." Aaron looked at Isaac and Lillian. “What shall we do now? I don’t even have toys around." He scratched at his head.

“I want foot loops Uncle `Ron." The little girl jumped up and down in front of him.

Isaac pushed his little head onto Aaron's shoulder, leaving some drool there.

“What is going on down here?" Robert appeared in the doorway. Dressed thankfully.

The little girl ran over and took the man's hand. “We’re having a party `obert. I want foot loops."

Robert laughed and looked at Aaron. “She wants foot loops Uncle `Ron."

Aaron rolled his eyes annoyed, but then smiled. ”Vic had to run some errands and everyone else is busy, so she left them here. Had no choice really. It’s ok, you go to work."

Robert walked over to the kitchen to get some bowls and milk out. “Where are the fruit loops then?"

“Top drawer, same as the coffee beans." Aaron walked over to the kitchen to join Robert. He turned the kettle on and prepared some tea. Isaac was interrupting him by trying to catch the tea bags off him.

“I think I'd prefer having a day in with you lot today." Robert put the cereal in front of Lillian who happily started eating. 

“Want some toast?" The blonde man squeezed Isaac’s cheek who giggled in response.

Aaron was looking at Robert and he felt that warm feeling inside him again. Robert was in all ways gorgeous. He adored the other man so much. He couldn’t believe that he really was standing here in his kitchen wiping Lillian’s mouth clean after she’d spilt milk everywhere.

“What’s with you and staring today." The other man ripped him out of his thoughts.

Aaron sat down with Isaac on his lap and gave him some toast. “Nothing, it‘s all good."

They had breakfast together with Lillian never stopping to talk, and Isaac pushed his milk over twice. Aaron was cleaning the table whilst Robert had sat down on the floor with the kids to play. Aaron didn’t really have toys, so they were building a tower out of plastic bowls. The kids seemingly enjoyed it and Aaron couldn’t get enough of seeing them all smile. Robert’s smile was infectious. Then Isaac tried to grab the bowl tower and the whole thing fell over making everyone laugh.

Aaron stood in the kitchen and kept on watching Robert and the kids. “Suits you that."

“Shut up." Robert replied.

Lillian jumped up. “`Obert said a not nice word. He’s not getting any sweets today."

The boys laughed. “What about we head over to the playground for a bit?"

Thankfully Victoria had left the pram outside so they didn’t have to carry Isaac all the time, even though he's walking better day by day.

They put on some jackets and made their way over to the playground.

Lillian ran over to the swings. “`Obert push me the highest you can, to the sky." She giggled.

Aaron took Isaac out of the pram and put him down. He immediately walked off.

“Higher I want higher.” The girl screamed and laughed.

Aaron ran after Isaac, who had disappeared over to the slides. He grabbed him by his little hands. “Hey cheeky monkey don’t run off like that."

“What a cute little boy." A voice made him turn around. “And such a lovely family."

An older woman was standing next to the slides, probably there with her Grandchild.

“And the other Daddy is so good with your little girl. That’s how families should be, you can be proud."

“He’s not-” He stuttered.

“They totally take after him though, little troubles." He heard Robert yell over from the swings.

“Well you have a good day you four. I am gonna take my Bobby home now." She took the little boy's hand who'd just come off the slide and walked away.

Aaron picked up Isaac and went over to Robert.

“We do make a good family, don’t we?" Robert smiled at him. “Told you, you’d be a good Dad."

Aaron just looked at him with a soft smile. Maybe he could be a Dad one day. Maybe he wouldn’t screw up like he always thought he would. Maybe he had a future. Maybe with Robert.

The four stayed a bit longer at the playground till lunch time, and then headed back to the pub. Robert quickly made some pasta which the kids happily ate. After finishing lunch he sat down and read the kids some comics Aaron found in his room.

Aaron sorted some orders and some bottles in the cellar. When he came back to the living room he stopped and was surprised by the view in front of him.

Robert was sitting on the couch with both kids on his lap, his head resting softly on the couch. Isaac and Lillian nestled softly against the man’s shoulders. It was a beautiful sight.

Through the window he saw Victoria making her way down to the pub. So he quietly made his way over to the door, opening it for her.

“Aaron.”

He put his finger to his lips to make the younger woman be quiet.

She looked into the living room and smiled.

“Oh how adorable. Did he help you out with the kids?" She whispered.

“Yeah yeah he did. The kids love him." Aaron replied.

“He’s a good one isn’t he?" She looked at Aaron.

“Yeah he is." Aaron smiled.

They carefully woke the three up, and Victoria thanked them again.

The kids didn’t leave before giving Uncle `Ron and `Obert a big kiss.

“Can we come back Uncle`Ron?" Lillian looked at the two men with big eyes.

Aaron patted her head. “Yes muffin you can."

She happily took her Mum's hand and they all went off.

Aaron let himself fall down on the couch next to Robert.

“Not sure if I really would want this stress." He laughed.

Robert put his arm around Aaron. “I still think you’d be a good Dad."

“So would you." Aaron planted a kiss on the other man's lips, who smiled back at him lovingly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ones really sad I am so sorry, also mind the warning in the tags!!!!!

"See ya later Aaron, and make sure you’re here for tea time." Robert said to Aaron whilst walking out of the living room.

Aaron looked up from his newspaper. "Where else would I be Robert?"

Robert had been acting weird the last couple of days and Aaron was a tiny bit annoyed. He put the newspaper away and walked over to the bar, opening up.

Since it was known the pub was open regularly again Aaron couldn't complain about customers, and it was good because he finally had a regular income again. He'd even sorted the problems with the landlord, and soon he would fully own the pub. He was looking over at the picture of his Mum and smiled. He hoped she’d be proud of him.

"Hi Aaron." Tracy and Leyla said in unison, sitting down at the bar. "Two white wines please if you’re ready?"

Aaron smiled and poured the two women the wine.

Tracy was looking around. "Where’s that fit Robert of yours? Got yourself a real goodie." The woman giggled.

"We’re not together like that. He’s just a mate." Aaron replied putting the wine in front of them.

"Robert might think differently though. Have you seen the way he looks at you? Proper falling for you." Leyla teased.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about." Aaron shook his head.

Tracy and Leyla giggled. "Open your eyes Aaron, he’s so much into you everyone can see it." The women went over to a table and sat down. "You should take the opportunity otherwise I might try and ask him out." Leyla laughed.

They were friends. Good friends. Yes he liked Robert a lot and it felt good to have him around. His mind went back to a couple of nights before when Robert's naked body was covering his and Aaron never wanted that feeling to stop again. He blushed. Were they more than friends? Would Robert really want him like this?

Adam barging in the pub startled Aaron and he nearly dropped the glass he was just cleaning.

"Right Mister, get your jacket and out you go."

"Adam, what?" Aaron looked questioningly at his best mate.

"Get your jacket and go to the garage, you’ll see there." Adam laughed loudly. "I’m covering for you. He’s really threatening when he wants something so I couldn’t really say no."

"Who? Adam what’s going on?" Aaron was confused.

"Your Robert. Now go and don’t worry I got it here, always wanted to run a pub." Adam softly slapped Aaron's shoulder.

Aaron took his jacket and made his way out of the pub. Leyla and Tracy were still giggling when he went past them. "Get him." Tracy whispered.

He wondered what Robert had planned. Was that why he’d been so weird the last days. 5 minutes later he'd made his way round to the garage and found Robert standing there.

"You took your time."

Aaron scoffed. "What’s with all the secretiveness Robert?" He walked over to the other man.

"I've got a surprise for you." Robert smiled at him.

"What, why?" Aaron raised his eyebrow.

"I wanted to do something nice for you Aaron, don’t be so shocked." The blonde man laughed.

He unlocked the garage and opened the gates fully.

In the garage sat a new Corvette ZR1.

"Robert what’s this?"

"No we can’t keep it, but we can have it for the day. I have a good mate who runs a car selling company and he arranged this for me. You said you wanted to drive this car one day." Robert threw him the keys over. "Go on."

Aaron caught the keys. "Robert, wow this is great, you didn’t have to do this."

He walked around the car inspecting it. "This is awesome Robert."

Robert laughed and opened the car door, nodding for Aaron to get in.

They both sat down in the car and Aaron lovingly touched the steering wheel. "Thanks Robert. It’s beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." Robert covered Aaron's hand on the steering wheel with his.

Aaron blushed and looked away shily.

He started the motor and looked back at Robert. "Where to?"

"Wherever you want."

They’d been driving around for a couple of hours, when Robert asked Aaron to stop at a layby near the river.

"Omg I love how quick it goes and the sound of the motor is just incredible." Aaron smiled.

"Oh someone‘s in love then." Robert nudged his shoulder.

Aaron coughed awkwardly.

"Right, hungry? I got some burgers and drinks in the boot?" Robert got out of the car and Aaron followed.

They both leaned on the hood of the car enjoying their burger and drinks. When they'd finished their food, they just sat there in silence watching the sunset.

Aaron softly touched Robert's hand, which was lying next to his on the bonnet. "Thank you for this Robert, it was amazing."

Robert smiled. "Yeah I enjoyed our day too. I enjoy being with you."

Aaron's eyes locked with Robert's and then wandered over to his lips.

"Aaron I think I’m – " Robert started to talk but was interrupted by Aaron pressing his lips against the other man’s.

Robert passionately kissed him back. He stood up, lips still connected and lined himself up in front of Aaron. Softly pushing him back down on the bonnet rubbing his groin against the other man's.

Suddenly the blonde broke off the kiss and looked down at Aaron. "I’m falling in love with you Aaron."

Aaron swallowed, feeling all hot, his dick was already feeling tight in his jeans.

"I - "

Robert put a finger to Aaron’s lips. "You don’t have to say anything."

He smiled at him softly. His finger was rubbing along Aaron’s lip and he opened his mouth slightly.

Robert pushed his finger into Aaron’s mouth who sucked on it quickly.

Robert giggled and took his finger away, kissing Aaron again.

They kissed for a while and Aaron was grabbing the other man's arse to pull him towards him.

Rob kissed his way down Aaron’s neck and stopped at the man's collarbone. Aaron opened his hoodie quickly and took it off. Robert pushed his t-shirt up and licked Aaron’s stomach up to Aaron’s nipples, which he sucked softly.

“Fuck Robert.” The brunette moaned softly. “We can’t do this here.” Aaron breathed out hard.

Robert pinched Aaron’s nipple hard and licked at his navel.

“You want me to stop?” Robert looked up at him.

Aaron shook his head.

“Thought so.” The other man laughed.

Robert unbuckled Aaron’s belt and pulled at his already hard dick softly. Aaron noticed the other man's hard on too, it pressed lovingly against his thigh.

Aaron lifted his hip from the bonnet and Robert shoved his jeans and boxers down in one go.

Aaron took in a sharp breath when Robert touched the head of his dick with his tongue, licking away the precum.

“God you taste so good.”

Aaron took his fist in his mouth to muffle his screaming.

Robert laughed again and licked along Aaron’s cock as he teasingly stroked the other man's balls.

He quickly took Aaron into his mouth, his dick hitting the back of Robert's throat.

Aaron screamed out, not being able to keep quiet any longer. “Fuck Robert!”

Robert pumped his mouth up and down Aaron’s dick, and Aaron felt the blood rush into his head making him dizzy.

“Please don’t stop, please.”

The other man kept on sucking as Aaron felt his orgasm rise. After a couple more sucks and bites, Aaron couldn’t hold himself back anymore and came hard down into Robert's mouth, who softly moaned, swallowing all of Aaron’s cum.

“Fucking shit Robert that was amazing.” He let his head fall on the bonnet squeezing his eyes shut, feeling Robert softly licking his dick clean.

After he'd stop feeling so dizzy, he opened his eyes and found Robert standing in front of him. His beautiful eyes looking at him. He smiled softly and Aaron took his hands.

Maybe he wanted Robert to want him like this. Maybe he wanted him too.

Aaron stepped closer to the other man and kissed him again.

Maybe he could let Robert in like this.

  
You hurt everything you touch. You will hurt him too.

\-------------------------

A couple of days later it was a late Sunday afternoon, and Aaron and Robert were running the pub together. It’d become routine for them. Robert worked at the garage in the mornings, and helped out in the pub in the evenings. Aaron was doing so much better, he felt confident and happy for the first time in ages. The other man made him feel good, and Aaron loved having him around. Cain always joked about them being glued together. He still felt doubts once in a while, but Robert made sure those thoughts stayed away.

"Two pints and a red wine please." Robert put a note in front of Aaron with the order on.

Aaron smiled and teasingly touched Robert’s back. "I’m on it."

His mind went back to their trip and the layby, as he blushed a bit. He still couldn’t believe what they did there.

Aaron sorted the order but couldn’t finish it because his mobile phone was ringing. He walked over to counter and grabbed his phone.

"HMP Hotten, secretary Miller talking, is this Mister Aaron Dingle?" The voice on the other end spoke.

"Yeah that’s me." Aaron answered, surprised.

"We’ve been trying to reach you Mister Dingle because we need to know what you wish to do with the ashes of Gordon Livesy?" The woman asked.

Aaron’s mouth fell open. "You what? What ashes? Gordon? I don’t understand." His hands started to shake.

"We were talking to a Mister Sugden some days ago. He was answering this phone and we expected him to give our messages to you?"

Aaron shook his head. "What message, what’s happened with my – Gordon?"

"We’re sorry you weren’t informed, but we have to tell you that Mister Livesy passed away a couple of days ago. What do you wish to do with the ashes?" The secretary tried to calm him.

Aaron dug his fingernails deep into his palm, his body shaking. "He’s dead? Gordon is dead? I mean how?"

"I am sorry to tell you this, but he took his own life."

Aaron's phone fell to the floor with a loud thud, making Robert turn around to him.

"Aaron what’s wrong?"

The brunette felt anger and pain rising. His body shaking violently. He felt blood running down his fist where he’d dug his fingernails in. He looked directly at the blonde man.

"Gordon is dead, he killed himself and they said you knew."

Robert stepped closer to Aaron, lifting his arms to touch the other man.

Aaron flinched away. "Don’t touch me."

"Aaron I am sorry, I wanted to protect you. This man's hurt you enough already." Robert answered with a shaking voice.

"You – you had no right to do that Robert. I trusted you!" Aaron's voice got louder, and the customers looked up.

Cain stood up from the table he was sitting at and walked over to the bar. "Everything alright lads?"

Aaron looked at his Uncle then at Robert. He felt tears run down his cheek. "He killed himself because of me?"

Cain helplessly looked at Robert. "What is he on about?"

Aaron felt his mind getting foggy and his knees getting weak. He ruined everything he touched. He was a mistake, he hurt people.

"Because of me." He whispered to himself again and again.

Robert tried to come closer but Aaron backed away like a scared animal.

"Aaron look at me, this is not your fault. He couldn’t live with what he’d done, that was his way out. It’s not your fault Aaron please!”

"Noooooooooo! It’s me, it’s always me, I hurt people." Aaron screamed.

Robert looked over to Cain worried, who was making his way around the counter.

"Aaron this is not true." The older man tried to calm his Nephew.

Aaron's mind shut down and all he could see was his Dad, hanging from the ceiling or taking pills, his Dad's dead face. He squeezed his eyes shut. He had to get away from here. People were not safe around him. He made a lunge forward to get past Robert.

The blonde man quickly grabbed his arm trying to stop him. "Don’t run away Aaron!"

"Get the fuck off me." Aaron turned around and shoved Robert hard.

The blonde man stumbled backwards tripping over his feet, falling into the counter where he knocked over bottles and glasses, which shattered on the floor around Robert.

Aaron was frozen in his tracks.

Robert looked up at him from the floor touching his forehead. His fingers came back bloody.

Aaron swallowed hard. It felt like all air was gone and he had trouble breathing. "Rob I’m-"

Rob tried to get up but felt dizzy after his fall. He tried to grab Aaron once more. "It’s ok, you didn’t meant too."

Aaron started crying. "I’m so sorry." He turned around on his heels and ran straight through Cain and out of the pub.

His head hurt and he felt sick. He hurt Robert. Of all people he’d hurt Robert. He was bad, a bad person. His Father killed himself because he was a failure. His breath came in short rasps now, and he couldn’t see the road clearly because of all the tears. It was already dusk and the sun was gone. Aaron looked at the dark road. He had to get out of town, far away from here. He was dangerous. He ran over to the village hall when he heard shouts in the distance. Cain and Robert were standing outside the pub scanning the area. He hid himself away in the shadows off the village hall when he saw the whiskey bottle standing on a counter. He walked over to the back door of the hall and threw his fist against the glass of the door. It shattered around his fist, making his knuckles bleed. He grabbed the door knob through the splintered glass and accidentally cut himself on a bit of glass that got stuck in the door frame. He hissed loudly but pushed the door open. He quickly looked at his arm, the blood running down. He ignored it and made his way over to the kitchen, grabbed the whiskey bottle and ran down the road towards the woods, where he knew was a hidden shed where he could hide for a while.

When he reached the woods half of the whiskey bottle had already gone. He felt sick and tired and every step was hard. He felt the blood running down his arm but he welcomed the pain. Numbness spread over his body and mind and he wanted to feel something so badly. All of a sudden his vision went black and he fell on his knees. He tried to catch his fall with his hands which made him yell out in pain. Kneeling on the floor he almost downed the rest of the whiskey in one go. He coughed and almost threw up the whiskey right then. His arm was throbbing and he had this splitting headache. His face puffy and red from crying. He once more got up on wobbly feet, took another sip from the bottle and threw it into the woods screaming like an animal. He made another step forward but didn’t see a root sticking out of the ground and his foot got caught on it. He fell on the floor hard, his head connecting with a stone. He blacked out for a second but rolled himself over in pain. He touched his forehead and found his fingers bloody. It’s what he deserved, wasn’t it? He closed his eyes and let the darkness consume him.

\------------------------

Aaron couldn’t breathe. No seriously he couldn’t. He felt something was stuck in his throat and he couldn’t get air in. It smelt awful and Aaron felt the urge to throw up, his throat was burning. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t open his eyes. He panicked and his body started to convulse. Shaking without control. Darkness crept over his mind again, when he suddenly heard muffled voices.

“Turn him on his side Robert. Turn him on his side, he’s having a fit or something.”

He felt hands on his head, shoulder and hips, quickly moving his body around. Fingers invading his mouth, pushing down his throat.

“God Aaron please. Come on. don’t do this.”

Another pair of hands gripping his neck. He tried to shuffle away but it was useless, the convulsions wrecked his body and he couldn’t move.

“It’s alright Aaron let it all out, it’s gonna be alright. I promise. I’m here, I won’t leave you.” A hand stroked his head softly.

“Did you call the ambulance?” The voice said with worry. “Should be here in 10 minutes. Check if his airway's clear."

Once again fingers touched the inside of his mouth. The taste of his own vomit making him feel sick again. The shaking slowly subsided and his body went still. The hands never leaving his body grounding him, keeping him in position on his side. Soft fingers hovering over the pulse point on his wrist. His mouth felt dry and tasted awful. He coughed loudly and sucked in a deep breath. The air flowing through his windpipe hurt. He tried to move his arms or legs, but it was way too much effort and his body hurt.

“Where’s that blood coming from?!” Someone asked with a shaking voice.

He felt soft touches all over his body, till the person touched his hurt forearm which made him shiver in pain and wince.

“It’s from his arm. Oh God did he do this to himself?” The other voice said, sounding scared.

Aaron felt the sharp pain in his arm, but couldn’t remember what happened there. His mind was foggy and thinking was difficult.

“Aaron can you hear me? Can you please open your eyes for me?” The person carefully touched his cheek. God he was so tired. How was he supposed to open his eyes, he couldn’t even move. He coughed again which made his ribcage hurt. He was still lying on his side and the pressure on his ribs made it hard for him to breathe.

“Please.” Aaron slowly realized who was holding him. He wanted to open his eyes. He very slowly opened them.

The light blinded him and he had to squeeze them shut again. “Yes, that’s good come on. Let me see those beautiful eyes.” Aaron would have snorted if he could have made a sound. Instead he winced and cried out. He tried again to open his eyes and this time he managed to open them a bit.

Robert's face appeared in front of him, sweaty and with worried eyes, looking at him.

"There he is. You got me worried there mate."

"Nut ur m- ate." God his throat was burning and speaking was so hard.

Robert laughed but Aaron could see the tears in his eyes. He moved his head slightly to see Cain kneeling next to him.

“Don’t you ever dare do this to me again Son.” He softly patted his shoulder.

Aaron blinked a couple of times, it was so difficult to keeps his eyes open. “-Orry.”

“Don’t talk. Concentrate on keeping your eyes open alright, the ambulance should be here in some minutes.”

Aaron wanted to protest, he didn’t want to go to hospital, but talking was too exhausting so just a moan escaped his mouth.

“Yes you’re going to hospital, they’re gonna help you. That's what you get when you down a bottle of whiskey in one go and run away.” Robert took his hand and softly stroked Aaron’s forehead.

He could hear sirens in the distance coming closer. He was so incredibly tired but he looked at Robert once more. He smiled at him and Aaron couldn’t stop but think how beautiful Robert was and wondered why he was here. He looked at Robert's forehead, a bruise already forming there. The memory hurt, it was his fault that Robert got hurt, he’d pushed him away.

He blinked again but this time his eyes stayed closed and didn’t open again. Aaron welcoming the darkness because everything hurt.

“Aaron?”

He needed to sleep, he had to let go. Darkness took his mind over and he let himself slip under.

\------------------------

Aaron tried to swallow. His mouth tasted terrible and his throat hurt. He felt a soft touch on his hand. He felt so incredibly tired, his legs and arms were heavy. He had a dull pain in his head and his arm felt painful too. The material of the bandage irritating his skin. He tried to move but he couldn’t. Everything felt so heavy.

Muffled sounds reached his mind, but it was hard to listen with all the white noise in his head.

He tried to focus.

"Did he wake up yet?" He heard a deep voice speak.

He felt the touch, probably a hand, gently stroking his arm.

"No he’s still out of it. The doctor was around earlier. He said it might take a while till he comes around." The other person answered, Aaron clearly hearing the worry in their voice.

"I could throttle him. He scared the hell out of me." Aaron realised it was his Uncle talking.

The other person let out a sigh. "I thought I’d lost him, I couldn’t bare that."

He felt something wet drip on his hand. He realised it was tears, and Robert was the person holding his hand.

No. He couldn’t be here. He hurt him. It was his fault Robert was hurt. All the memories and emotions rushed into Aaron's head and he felt sick. He centered all his strength and quickly opened his eyes to look at a stunned Robert and Cain. He was breathing hard as he shuffled himself backwards to the end of the bed, almost ripping his IV out.

"Aaron what – calm down it’s alright, you’re safe." Robert tried to calm down the other man.

"No." Aaron croaked, his throat hurt so much. "YOU are not safe. I – I hurt you."

The other man shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. "It was an accident Aaron, it’s ok."

Aaron violently shook his head. He felt sick so he leant over the bed to vomit on the floor. He coughed hard which made him feel dizzy. He almost toppled over and fell out of the bed, but Cain grabbed his shoulder and put him back on the bed.

His Uncle looked at him seriously. "Aaron you need to calm down."

The sour taste in his mouth almost made Aaron throw up again. His whole body hurt and he wanted to sleep again. His breathing was still erratic.

He looked at Robert. "Get out, get away from me I am dangerous, get –" He cried out in pain and the machines next to him started screeching.

Immediately a team of nurses came into the room. "Mister Dingle you need to calm down or we'll have to give you something."

Aaron couldn’t calm down. He pressed his fist onto his chest, his sight got blurry. He felt the urge to run. He couldn’t stay. He tried to move but strong arms where holding him by his shoulders.

"Aaron please listen to the nurses." Robert cried.

Aaron was losing control and he felt himself slipping away. He tried to get away and push the hands away.

"Mister Dingle we have to give you something now to calm you down otherwise you are gonna hurt yourself."

Aaron's head shot up and he looked at the nurses. He couldn’t talk though, he felt like his throat was closing up. A little sting in his arm made him look overt.

The arms holding him carefully laid him down.

"It’s gonna be alright Aaron." He heard the nurse say who was softly stroking his forehead. "Get some more rest."

He slipped into the darkness where he couldn’t feel.

\-------------------

He opened his eyes again. He was staring at the ceiling for a while. The pain in his head was better and his body didn’t feel so heavy anymore.

"You need to stop scaring me like this."

Aaron looked over to see his Uncle sitting in the chair next to his bed. He looked tired. His shirt was dirty and bloody, he guessed with his blood. Cain must have been with him since he got to the hospital.

"I’m sorry." Aaron hid his face away.

"I don’t want you to apologize. I want you to get a grip Aaron. You can’t run off like that." The older man struggled to get the words out. He was clearly shaken by what had happened.

"I’m – I can’t remember, it’s all a blur." Aaron looked out of the window. It must be early in the morning, the sun just came out.

"You ran out of the pub and broke into the village hall to get some alcohol. We assume that's where you cut your hand. We found you passed out in the woods. You must have fallen and hit your head. You had a seizure Aaron." His Uncle said with a sad voice.

"Oh." Aaron swallowed.

"You should talk to him." Cain nodded over to the window where Robert was slumped over sitting on a chair. "He was dead worried about you."

Aaron looked at his hurt arm, running his fingers along the bandage. "I don’t want to talk to him. I’m a danger to him, and you. You should go."

Cain scoffed at him. "I promised my sister to look after you. You can push me away as much as you want, I won’t let you."

The older man got up and walked over to the door. He looked back at Aaron. "Talk to him."

Aaron rolled over on his bed. God his chest hurt and the headache started to get worse.

He closed his eyes.

He felt a presence next to him. "Please don’t shut me out Aaron."

He opened his eyes and looked at the other man.

"I told you to go Robert." Aaron's voice was shaking.

"I am not going to leave you Aaron." Rob touched his hand but Aaron pulled his away.

"You are. Because I am dangerous. See that bruise on your forehead. That was me. I am gonna hurt you more Robert. I can’t have that, you mean too much to me." Aaron cried.

"No Aaron it’s the voice in your head telling you this, it’s not true. I need you, I wanna be with you." Robert walked over to the window.

"It’s the truth. My parents died because of me. I don’t want to lose you but I can’t have you with me. Please just go." Aaron couldn‘t stop the tears.

The blonde man turned around crying. His words got stuck in his throat and he coughed.

"Please go. Save yourself, you deserve better."

Robert walked over to the bed and softly touched Aaron's wrist. His eyes having lost their fight.

He looked one more time at Aaron, then turned around and walked out of the room.

When he was standing in the doorway Aaron heard him softly whisper "I love you." And the the other man disappeared in the endless hallways of the hospital.

Aaron put the duvet over his head and rolled himself into a ball. He was hurting everywhere but most of all his heart was hurting. He cried himself to sleep, Robert being on his mind.

\-------------------------------------

"You ready?" Aaron heard Cain say.

His feet were dangling down from the bed, his toes hovering over the floor. He hadn’t put his shoes on yet. He still felt a bit wobbly on his feet and the sick feeling in his stomach hadn’t left. The doctors had discharged him earlier, sending him off with a warning to take better care of himself. They had to pump his stomach because he couldn't stop throwing up. The seizure he had must have been because of the bump to his head. They wanted him to come back for a check up in the next couple of days.

"Aaron." His Uncle sat down next to him on the bed. Aaron looked away and played with the sleeves of his hoodie.

"It’s gonna be ok kid."

The brunette took a deep breath and stood up, swaying a little. He put on his shoes and jacket and his Uncle grabbed his bag for him.

He looked back at the hospital bed and a shudder ran down his spine. He remembered himself falling, the darkness, the numbness, and he wished he could go back to that place where nothing hurt.

He touched his forehead and ran his fingers along the scar on his hairline. It needed 12 stitches to close it. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Does it hurt?" His Uncle put a hand on his shoulder.

"No." Aaron replied. He wish it would hurt though. It’s what he deserved.

Cain pushed him on his shoulder to make him start walking. "Let’s get you home, ey."

Aaron put one foot in front of the other, avoiding looking at the other people passing by.

The pattern on the floor gave him a headache.

They quickly went over to the exit and Aaron took a deep breath in trying to steady himself. Cain took him over to his car and helped him inside.

His mind was heavy and he was tired so he rested his forehead against the window. Mesmerized by the wet spot his breath caused on the window. He closed his eyes for a bit. His Uncle did not speak much on their way back, knowing Aaron wasn’t in the mood to talk.

Half an hour later they pulled up in front of the pub. It was after lunchtime and a couple of people were standing outside the pub.

Aaron looked at Cain, feeling stressed. "What are this lot doing here?"

"They were worried about you." Cain looked at his Nephew.

"Well I don't want them to be." Aaron scoffed, threw open the car door and grabbed his bag from the backseat.

Adam was walking towards him, arms open but Aaron ditched his hug and went past him. "Aaron mate –"

He quickly got the keys in the lock and opened the door, sliding in and closing the door after him, locking it shut again.

The pub was quiet and dark. He could only hear his harsh breathing and his heart was beating fast in his chest. He didn’t turn on the lights and slowly made his way over to the back room. The bar was clean and everything was in order. Robert must have cleaned everything up whilst he was in hospital.

Robert.

Thinking of him hurt, he missed him but he knew it was best to push him away. He couldn’t bare Robert getting hurt again because of him.

He quietly went into the living room and closed the pub door behind him. He threw his bag on the sofa and walked over to the kitchen, feeling thirsty. He opened the fridge and he found food and water in there. No beer cans. He rolled his eyes, but grabbed a water bottle. He sat down at the kitchen table and took a sip of the water. He noticed the note and keys lying on the kitchen table.

He looked closer at the note. It was the keys for the pub. The note was from Robert saying "I love you." Aaron scrunched up the paper and threw it away.

How could he love him, he was dangerous, he didn’t deserve to be loved.

He tooks his head in his hands and the tears started falling.


	9. Chapter 9

Aaron groggily opened his eyes, rolling himself over in the bed. A couple of beer cans fell out of the bed loudly and made Aaron cringe. He had a splitting headache and moving hurt. He rubbed his eyes and sat himself up, needing some minutes for his head to stop spinning. It had been two weeks since he was out of hospital, but he hadn’t moved that much from his bed. His blurry vision cleared and he looked at the clock. It said 5am. Aaron shook his head and sighed deeply. His sleeping schedule was totally out of order. The sun was coming out, shining through the half closed blinds. He couldn’t even remember what day it was. He shoved the duvet aside and stood up slowly. For a second his vision blackened and he had to steady himself on the cabinet next to him. With half closed eyes he made his way out of the room, stumbling over more beer cans, bottles and used plates that he hadn’t bothered to put away. A foul smell hit his nostrils and he crunched up his nose. On the cabinet was an old plate with leftovers on. It looked terrible and was definitely rotten. He should really put it away but he couldn’t be bothered. In the hallway was a trail of used clothes and towels, and Aaron just shoved them away with his foot, not caring about the mess. He took a quick piss and washed his hands. The hot water running over his hand made him flinch but he welcomed the pain. In a moment of anger he’d opened up the almost healed wound again. He felt guilty and ashamed that he couldn't stop himself but it was too late now. He sloppily dried his hands and pressed down on the now open wound. His finger came back bloody and he stared at it for a while. The pain was running through his hand and he took a deep breath. He looked in the mirror but he couldn't stand the sight of himself, so he quickly looked away. He was pale and had dark circles under his eyes. The cut on his forehead stood out, still bright red. He’d torn the bandage away yesterday. Half of his face still had a green, purple colour.

He slowly stumbled down the stairs stopping in front of the door. A box was standing in the corner with some of Robert’s stuff in. He felt a sting in his heart which made him lean over and hold his chest. He missed the other man but he couldn’t let him back in. He’d hurt him again. Of course Robert had tried to come back, but Aaron had ignored all his calls and texts. After a few days the calls stopped.

Aaron walked to the kitchen only to realise that he had no food in. He wasn’t hungry anyway. He grabbed a new beer can from the fridge and sat down on the couch. He downed the beer in one go and turned the television on.

Suddenly he heard a key opening the lock of the back door and his eyes wandered to where the noise was coming from.

“Aaron?"

Aaron grumbled and threw the empty beer can towards the door, not wanting the other man there.

“Go away Adam."

“Fuck look at this place. You live like a pig." Adam stepped in leaving the door open. "It stinks in here you need to let some fresh air in."

Aaron put his feet on the table looking annoyed at the other man. “What do you want Adam?"

“Making sure my best mate is still alive. You haven’t answered my calls for two weeks, so I had to use the spare key to check on you. What’s going on with you?"

“I don’t need checking on. Go away." Aaron scoffed at his best friend.

Adam looked around the messy living room. "Are you sure because this looks a lot like you need checking on mate."

Aaron sighed. “I’m fine."

Adam grabbed some of Aaron’s clothes and threw them at the other man. “Yeah, you look it."

“Adam seriously get out."

“Daddy have you seen my teddy? I want my teddy." Lillian walked into the room.

She looked at the two men with big eyes.

“Ugh it stinks in here Uncle `Ron you need to do some cleaning. Mummy always says you can’t have chocolate when you haven’t cleaned your room." She waved her tiny hands in front of her face to make the smell go away.

“Lillian what you doing here? You’re supposed to wait with Mummy you can’t run off like this." Adam took her hand and patted her head softly.

Aaron coughed loudly. “Why are you still here, I told you to go!"

“Aaron-”

“Get the fuck out, now!" Aaron cried out loud.

The sudden outburst made the little girl start to cry and cling to her Father.

Aaron looked away guilty, tears forming in his eyes when he saw that he’d scared the little girl. “Lils I’m-” He tried to apologise.

“If that’s what you want, you can have it. We won’t come back again." Adam looked at his best mate sadly. He grabbed his daughter and lifted her up in his arms, trying to calm her down.

He turned on his heels and looked back at Aaron one more time. “If you keep on pushing people away, you won’t have anyone on your side any longer. And just so you know Robert never gave up on you and it broke his heart that you sent him away, he didn’t deserve that."

Lillian looked at Aaron with red puffy eyes, gripping her Dad‘s shoulders tightly. “Let’s go princess." They both left the living room, closing the door with a loud bang.

The noise made Aaron twitch. He threw his hands on his head, hitting his forehead hard with his fist. Why did he ruin everything? He hurt everyone he loved. He had no one. He’d be alone but that’s what he deserved. He didn’t deserve Robert or his family, he was a failure.

_ You ruin everything you touch. You’re a mistake. _

Grabbing another beer, he sat down on the kitchen table and cried.

\-------------------

The days passed and Aaron felt like he was floating. All the days felt the same and he mostly never knew what time it was. He was sleeping a lot of the time. Paddy and Cain tried to reach out to him a couple of times, but Aaron had closed himself off completely which made him feel even more guilty. He felt stuck and didn’t know how to get out of this cycle of alcohol, sleep and numbness. He tried to call Robert once in his drunken state, but threw his phone against the wall when Robert didn’t pick up. Angry with himself, he drank even more that day and woke up in his own vomit. He was lucky that he hadn‘t choked on it. He was completely lost.

Aaron was lying on the couch drinking and watching boring daytime TV again, but not really paying attention to it, when he heard a knock on the door.

“Aaron I’ve got some letters for you, your letter box is full and the postman gave them to me. Can you let me in? Please." He realised then it was Paddy standing outside. He hadn’t talked to his Stepdad for a few days and he knew the man was worried.

Aaron moaned and closed his eyes. He didn’t answer in hope his Stepdad would just go away. He heard the other man walk around pushing the letters through the gap in the open window.

“We’re worried about you Aaron. We love you." He heard his Stepdad breathe out loud. "We can’t help you if you won’t let us in. Aaron please!" After a few minutes the noises outside stopped and he assumed Paddy must have left.

Aaron turned his attention back to the television and kept on watching. After a while he got cold and had to close the window. He walked over to the window and saw the letters lying on the floor. He quickly scanned over the names on the letters when he saw a plain white envelope with only his name on it.

He recognised the handwriting right away and had to steady himself on the window sill. He carefully knelt down and took the letter in his hand. He ran his fingertips along the edges of it. He closed his eyes. He should just throw it away. He slowly opened it with shaky hands.

_____________________________________________

_ Dear Aaron, _

_ It’s actually weird not to simply call you or send you a text and write this handwritten letter instead, but I don’t know how to reach you otherwise. You probably won’t even read this but I had to try. I don’t even know what I want to say. _

_ Staying with you the last few months made me so happy, happier than I’ve been for a while. You made me feel at home and that I mattered. I am still scared of your Uncle though, he is scary you gotta admit that. _

_ I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry for not telling you about your Dad dying. I hoped I could protect you from more pain, but instead I caused you more and I won’t forgive myself for that. I am sorry. _

_ Cain said you've closed the pub again. I’m sorry to hear that. Everyone misses you, me included. _

_ I know this probably doesn’t change anything for you, but I just want you to take care of yourself. I know it’s been hard but I also know you’re the strongest person I've met. Please don’t let this drag you back. He’s not worth ruining your life for. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved. _

_ I don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again. _

_ I miss you. _

_ Love _

_ Robert _

_ PS: I meant what I said in the hospital. I’m in love with you. _

______________________________________________

Thick tears fell on the letter and washed the writing away. Aaron felt dizzy and tired. Even after everything Robert hadn’t given up on him. He couldn’t understand why. His heart hurt. He felt a lot for Robert and it hurt not having him around, but he was so incredibly scared to hurt the other man. He didn’t know if he could get past this.

He sighed once more and crumpled the paper only to throw it away. He let himself fall to the floor and his back collided with the wall behind him. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He’d pushed everyone away again and they wouldn’t help him any longer. He pressed down hard on the wound on his hand. He hadn’t bothered to clean it up again and he knew it was getting infected. He didn’t care about that though. In a rush he quickly got up and kicked the living room table over. The tears didn’t stop falling. He sat down on the couch again looking at the mess he’d caused.

\-------------------------

“Aaron. It’s me Cain." Aaron heard the deep voice of his Uncle outside in the hallway. "I’m coming in. You better be decent."

He should have taken the spare key away from his Uncle so he couldn’t just barge into his home any time he wanted. Why couldn’t people just leave him alone?

Aaron grabbed the duvet and threw it over his head. He was tired and his body ached. He hadn’t been out of bed for two days. He couldn’t even remember if he’d eaten yesterday. The noises were closer now and Aaron heard the door being pushed open. His Uncle swore loudly when he stumbled over some empty beer cans and bottles.

“Get out of bed now." The older man ordered.

Aaron gripped the duvet tighter. He didn’t want to face the other man.

“I’m not telling you again." His Uncle spoke once more.

Aaron didn’t have the energy to answer but curled himself deeper into the bed.

Suddenly he felt a pull and the duvet was ripped off him. Aaron threw his arms over his head and hid away.

“You leave me no choice." The older man sighed and Aaron heard him move over to the bed.

That’s when a cold shower of water hit him full force on his body. Aaron jerked up violently and was standing in front of his Uncle in a second.

“What the fuck." He growled dangerously.

His Uncle looked at him with worried eyes but his voice was stern. "Ah he lives."

Aaron started to shiver violently, the cold water cooling off his body. He sighed and his gaze dropped. He felt dizzy all of a sudden. The movement drained him and he wanted to sit down back on the bed, when he felt arms holding him at his shoulders.

“No you’re not getting back into bed." His Uncle lifted up his chin. “Look at me."

Aaron tried to free his face of the other man’s grip but couldn’t. He was too strong. Aaron slowly looked at this Uncle. The hurt and worry he saw in the other man's eyes made him drop his shoulders.

“Listen now. You gonna get yourself dressed and I am gonna take you to the hospital." His Uncle took the younger man‘s hand and lifted it up so Aaron had to look at it. "This needs to be checked out and I also think you need some food and fluids. You look horrible." Aaron‘s eyes scanned over his hurt hand. He’d kept on opening up the wound the last couple of days so it couldn’t heal properly. There was a chance it was already infected judging by the colour of his skin. He had to admit he felt a bit feverish too.

Aaron felt his knees go wobbly but his Uncle held him up. “You have to stop this Aaron, you’re killing yourself. And I can’t lose you kiddo. I can’t. You’re like a Son to me."

The younger man lifted his head. "‘m sorry." He fell forward slightly and rested his head on his Uncle’s chest, who then softly put his arms around him.

He felt the tears falling and he couldn’t stop. Deep sobs escaped his mouth and he gripped the material of the other man's shirt tightly.

“It’s alright kid, it’s gonna be alright."

\------------------------------------------

“Mr Dingle?"

The sudden sharp pain in his hand made his vision focus back again on the nurse standing in front of him. A quiet hiss escaped his mouth when she carefully wiped the blood on his hand away.

“You need to clean the wound every day and put a new dressing on it. It's already showing signs of an infection. The doctor prescribed you some antibiotics just to be on the safe side."

Aaron absently nodded his head, his mind still heavy.

The nurse's voice got louder but was still soft and motherly. “And most important, do not open up the wound again."

She finished cleaning the wound and put a dressing on it. “All done now."

He nodded again, not having the energy to talk and stood up.

The nurse coughed slightly. “Mr Dingle, please think about seeing a counsellor, ok? Just think about it." She smiled softly at him.

Aaron tiredly made his way out into the hallway. He felt absolutely drained. The painkillers the nurse made him take made his head feel fuzzy and tired. Before his Uncle had to help him change his wet clothes and it took him so much longer than usual to go downstairs and get to the car. The other man had to stop twice because Aaron was feeling sick. Aaron felt ashamed and tired.

“So?" The older man’s voice startled Aaron in his thoughts.

“Yeah the wound is cleaned and I got antibiotics. It’s not infected that much yet but yeah, precaution." He answered.

“Right. Good. Now let's get you something to eat. Moira's cooked tea and she told me to bring you over."

Aaron shook his head. “But-”

“No buts, you’re coming."

They drove back in silence, Aaron feeling tired and overwhelmed. He must have fallen asleep for a bit, because when he opened his eyes they just had turned into the driveway of Butler's Farm.

Moira was standing in the open door friendly waving at them. It’d been a while since he’d been to the farm. He loved being here when he was a kid. Especially playing with the little lambs and Cain's dog. He'd always thought animals were better than people and he felt calm around them.

Aaron opened the door and moved his aching body out of the car. He had to stop for a few seconds and steady himself against the car door, because he felt a rush of dizziness overcome him.

“You alright?" His Uncle quickened his steps around the car.

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Please stop fussing, you did enough of that today."

He slowly made his way into the house. Moira hugged him tightly and kissed his head softly. She smelt nice and motherly, and it made Aaron's eyes wet with tears.

She made Aaron sit down at the table and put the food in front of him. She looked at him with kind eyes and let her hand rest on his shoulder for a while.

Cain sat down next to him and the couple were watching him with serious eyes.

Aaron swallowed awkwardly, shoving the first fork load of food into his mouth. “You don’t have to watch me."

The pair laughed. “I think we do."

He ate his meal and had a drink, which made him feel better already. After he’d finished he tiredly sat down on the couch putting his feet up. He felt exhausted. The pain in his hand was better because of the painkillers, but he still felt a dull ache there. His head still hurt and he felt a bit hot. His wound under the dressing was itching and so was his mind. He tried to push his thoughts away when Moira put a glass of water in front of him. “Get that down your neck." She softly touched his shoulder and walked back to the kitchen.

His Uncle sat down next to him. “I know you don’t want to hear it but have you talked to Robert again?"

Aaron‘s eyes shut and he blinked tiredly. “You’re right I don’t want to talk about it." He looked away, not wanting to think about Robert.

“He’s been calling round for ages you know that. He’s really worried about you."

Aaron still didn‘t look at his Uncle.

“Do you actually know that he went back to his Dad‘s?"

“He what?" Aaron's head shot up. “Why would he go back there? He’s not safe there." He felt himself getting restless. Robert hated being around his family, and after Aaron had met Jack he knew Robert wasn’t safe there.

“He didn’t know where else to go. He stopped calling by the way." His Uncle said with a sad voice. "Why did you push him away? Sugden really liked you."

“Because I am dangerous, that’s why Cain." Aaron cried, the emotions taking over.

“And you think pushing him away didn’t hurt him?" The other man scoffed at him.

Aaron didn’t answer and shuffled himself further down on the couch.

“I am just saying I think you should talk to him, you can help each other."

“I can’t, ok? I can’t. Leave it." Aaron grumbled and closed his eyes.

His Uncle threw a blanket over him and stood up. "Get some rest."

Aaron gripped the blanket and hid himself under it. Why would Robert go back to that place? His Father was a terrible person, he was not safe there. Maybe he should check on him. He couldn‘t bare the thought of Robert getting hurt, and being back with his Father who didn’t accept him the way he was. His worry for the other man grew, but he was also scared Robert wouldn’t want to see him after he’d pushed him away so violently.

Aaron felt himself slipping under with the painkillers and antibiotics running through his body. He fell in a deep but restless sleep.

\-------------------------

Aaron woke up with a jolt, trying to figure out where he was. He’d slept restlessly, and had woken up a couple of times confused about where he was. He sat himself up and tried to focus. His hand was hurting and he was mentally taking a note to take some painkillers later, and his antibiotics. He leant back on the couch again with a heavy sigh. He was still so tired. He grabbed his phone from the table and turned it on. Paddy had messaged him a couple of times but nothing from Robert. He didn’t want to hear from Robert though did he? He was scared for the other man being with his Father again. He knew he wasn’t safe there. Guilt crept over his mind because he was the one pushing Robert away, making him go back. Suddenly a picture popped up on his phone reminding him of past activities. It showed Robert, Isaac, Lillian and himself. They were all smiling. He gently touched the phone screen and let his finger hover over Robert's face. How could he let Robert go? Why did he have to push him away? He looked at the pic again and remembered how awful he was with Adam and Lillian. He even made the little girl cry. Angry at himself, he grabbed his wrist and hovered his fingers over the dressing on his hand. The urge to push down on it was running through his mind. Robert's face appeared in his head and he let go of his hand. No he wouldn’t do this. He needed to fix this.

Aaron got up from the couch slowly, his body still aching. He went over to the cupboard, got a pen and paper and wrote Cain a message that he was heading home. He grabbed a water bottle and drank down half of it with his pills. He closed the door quietly as to not wake anyone up.

It took him over 30 minutes to walk back to the village. He was still feeling weak but the fresh air made him feel better. As he passed Keepers Cottage he suddenly stopped. The lights were already on and he could see someone moving around. Lillian's sad face popped into his head again, and he slowly made his way to the front door and knocked softly. He heard the little girl yelling around inside and then the door was opened.

Lillian looked at him with big eyes. “Uncle Ron?"

“Hey muffin." He patted the little girl's head.

“You going to be shouty again today, because I don’t like you being shouty." She put her little hands on her waist, looking at him with a frown.

“No, no I won’t ever shout at you Lils. I am so sorry I did."

“Lillian what did I tell you about opening the door alone?" Vic came out of the kitchen, stopping in her tracks when she saw Aaron standing at the door. She walked over and softly led Lillian to stand behind her. “Aaron, oh it’s you."

Aaron looked away shily. “Yeah. Look Vic I wanted to apologise for my behaviour, can I come in for a bit? Please."

“I don’t know Aaron. Adam doesn’t want you here or anywhere near Lillian."

Aaron blinked sadly and picked at the dressing on his hand. “I am sorry, I really am and I know I don’t deserve you and-"

Vic's eyes softened and she stepped aside to make room for Aaron to come in.

“Want a cuppa? You look like you need it."

Aaron nodded, not able to talk, his emotions overwhelming him.

Lillian let go of her Mum‘s leg and she grabbed Aaron by the hand. “Uncle Ron have you seen my new Emma? I can make her hair." She pointed to a little doll sitting on the couch.

He let himself be pulled over to the couch, the little girl making him sit down. He looked at her with sad eyes.

Vic walked over from the kitchen and put the mug on the table. “Thanks Vic, I know I don’t deserve this."

She softly touched his shoulder and looked at his bandaged hand.

“I've already been to the docs. It’s fine, well it’s not, but I am taking antibiotics for it."

“Good." Vic sat down on the chair next to him.

The little girl stood up and shoved her little doll onto Aaron's lap. He smiled at her with teary eyes.

Lillian put her hand on his knee. “Don’t cry Uncle `Ron you can play with Emma too."

Aaron laughed softly. “Thank you Muffin."

“Where’s `Obert? Can I play with him?"

Aaron swallowed hard.

“Why don’t you go and get some clothes for Emma, they’re up in your room." Vic said, noticing Aaron’s distress. The girl nodded and happily ran upstairs.

“Have you talked to Robert?"

The brunette closed his eyes for a bit. “No. I haven’t."

“He went back home to his Dad, didn’t he?" Vic said.

“Yeah I know." Aaron let his head fall on his chest. “I pushed him away and made him go back to that awful place. How do I fix this Vic? I don’t know what to do?"

Vic got up and sat down next to him on the couch, putting an arm around his trembling shoulders. “Go talk to him. He really cares about you, he will understand."

Aaron looked up and a tear escaped his eye.

“What’s he doing here?"

Aaron and Victoria turned their heads around to see Adam standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“I don’t want you here Aaron. Get out."

Aaron stood up shakily. "Adam mate-”

Adam looked back at Aaron upset. “Ah now we’re mates again are we? I said get out."

Aaron felt himself getting dizzy, and he had to grab the couch to steady himself.

Victoria softly pushed him down so he could sit again.

“Adam come on." She looked at her husband.

“No Vic. I tried ok? So many times, and he pushed me away all the time. He made Lillian cry. He can’t do that."

Aaron put his head into his hands and cried. His friend was right. He didn’t deserve their forgiveness.

He slowly stood up and made his way to the door, not looking at his friends again. “I’m sorry." He whispered.

“Aaron wait," he heard Victoria say.

When Aaron reached the door he had to stop and lean against the door frame for a while, his vision going black for a bit.

“Adam! For God's sake don’t be so stubborn." The woman yelled loudly.

Aaron felt a strong hand on his arm, holding him up. He turned around and looked into Adam's soft brown eyes. Adam had the kindest heart and biggest smile. He loved him like a brother. Falling out with him really hurt.

Adam helped Aaron back to the couch. His friend looked at him for a long while, not saying anything.

Aaron felt anxious and didn’t know what to say when the other man started talking.

“You are like a Brother to me Aaron, you know that. I love you but you really hurt me. You made Lillian cry."

“I know Ad, I am sorry and I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I need you Adam. I need you. I need help." Aaron sobbed, his shoulders shaking. “I need help."

Adam's face softened but he still looked seriously at his friend. “You can’t lash out like that all the time. You need to see someone, we can’t help you with this Aaron, but we will be by your side ok. Promise us you’ll get professional help."

Aaron wiped his tears away, his face red and puffy. “Yes I will, I promise I’ll get help. I’m so sorry." The tears fell freely now.

Adam slapped his shoulder gently. “Come on, it’s gonna be alright. Enough with the crying, bet you’ve done enough of that already."

Aaron couldn’t stop crying, that’s when he felt his friend move over to him and put his arms around him. Victoria joined in on the hug, and the three of them sat like that for a while.

The woman softly rubbed his back. “Better?"

Aaron took in a deep breath and they broke up their hug.

“Yeah, better." He tried to smile at his friend.

“I think you should go and see Robert. I don’t wanna tell you what to do, but I do think you should go and see him." Adam said.

“I want to but I am scared he won’t want to see me after I threw him out." Aaron whispered sadly.

“You can try? You know Robert really cares about you. He didn’t give up on you, so don’t give up on him. Go and see him." His friend tried to convince him.

“Would you – would you come with me Ads?"

Adam's warm and kind smile was back as he nudged Aaron's shoulder softly. “Of course I’ll come with you, you idiot. I’ll be by your side remember."

“Thank you.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter phew I never thought I'd write a 10 chapter fic so I am a bit proud of myself. Thanks everyone for reading my silly little fic, thanks for the comments and support meant a lot. I have an idea for a sequel but probably no time to write it sigh. Anyway enjoy the last chapter! xox

He picked at his bandaged hand again, looking out of the car window nervously. So this was where Robert lived. They had parked their car a couple of metres away from the estate. The house looked big and posh. It must have cost a lot of money. He saw three cars sitting in the driveway. Expensive new cars. Doubt started to nag at his mind. Why would Robert even want to talk to him and come back? He had everything here and Aaron had nothing. He was a mess. He’d hurt him and pushed him away.

“You want me to come with you?" He felt his best friend's hand on his shoulder, who clearly sensed Aaron‘s rising anxiety. Aaron was glad Adam was with him. After they’d made up yesterday the other man had promised to come with him, and that’s why they were both sitting in the car in front of Robert‘s place now. If Adam didn't come with him, Aaron knew he’d already be on his way home.

Aaron unbuckled his seatbelt. “No, it’s fine thanks Ads." He smiled at the other man and opened the car door.

He slowly made his way over to the front door. The pebble stones on the driveway made loud noises under his shoes and Aaron cringed. After a few seconds he arrived at the door. Suddenly he heard noises coming out of the house and he dared to peek through one of the windows on the side. There was Andy sitting at a desk and opposite from him he saw Robert. His heart stung. Besides looking a bit pale Robert looked gorgeous and just how beautiful Aaron remembered him. Aaron smiled softly. He missed him so much. The way he smiled at him and softly stroked his knuckles. Robert turned around to get a file from the shelf and Aaron could finally see his face clearly. The tiny cut on the blonde man‘s forehead was still visible and standing out on his golden pale skin. Aaron felt the guilt rush threw him and he closed his eyes for a bit. He hurt Robert and now he was scared he wouldn’t forgive him. But he needed Robert so much. Taking two deep breaths, Aaron walked over to the front door and knocked hesitantly. His hands were getting sweaty and he wiped them on his jeans. He needed to do this, he needed to tell Robert that he wanted him back home with him.

After a while the door was being opened and a middle aged woman was blankly looking at him.

“Can I help you Sir?"

Aaron coughed awkwardly. “I’m looking for Robert Sugden. I’d like to talk to him please."

Aaron heard a door being opened and saw Robert’s Father walking into the hallway.

“I don’t think so." He appeared behind the woman with a furious look on his face. “Thanks Carla, I’ll handle this."

The woman nodded and left the two men alone.

Jack came closer and angrily hissed at Aaron. “What do you think you’re doing here?"

Aaron straightened his shoulders and looked the other man in the eyes. “I want to see Robert and I’m gonna take him home."

The older man laughed out loud. “This is his home."

Aaron shook his head. “No it’s not. His home is with me, with my family. We love Robert."

“You love him so much that you hit him?" The other man scoffed at him.

Aaron looked away avoiding the other man‘s gaze, guilt making his heart sting. “I didn’t mean too. It wasn’t like that, I would never hurt him."

Jack laughed again mockingly and stepped closer towards Aaron. “You’re a violent thug, how could anyone ever love you?"

Aaron swallowed hard and gripped the sleeves of his hoodie tight. “I’m-” His strength seemed to vanish and he just wanted to disappear. 

“Robert … loves me." Aaron whispered.

The other man moved forward fast and gripped Aaron by his shirt, bringing his face to his ears. “He doesn’t love you, my Son is not gay. He is not gay."

Aaron grabbed the other man's wrists trying to get them off but he was too strong, with Aaron still feeling weak after his break down the other day.

“No. He’s not gay, he is bisexual." He spat in the other man’s face.

Jack let go of Aaron‘s shirt and pushed him backwards which made him tumble against the door. He hissed out in pain as his back connected with the door.

“Get out of my house!" The man shoved him again and Aaron had trouble to stand steady.

“Dad." Aaron looked over to where the sudden voice was coming from. Robert was standing in the door. He looked directly at his Father, avoiding Aaron. His face was emotionless and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Aaron. “Leave him be."

“Robert." Aaron whispered softly, overwhelmed to finally see the other man.

The blonde still avoided Aaron‘s eyes.

“Go home Aaron, ok? Just go home." Robert said with his eyes on the floor.

“What? Robert. Please. I am sorry ok? I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you and I know you only did it to protect me and I am sorry and I need you, I can’t do this without you, please Robert. I know I’m a mess but you make things better, and I know I make things better for you too. Please. Please." Aaron cried desperately.

Aaron wanted to get over to where Robert was standing, but Jack stepped in front of him to stop him from moving.

“You heard him. Go home and don’t come back."

“Robert?" A tear escaped Aaron's eye and he wiped it away violently, leaving red marks on his cheek.

The blonde man still didn’t look up and Aaron’s heart broke. He’d feared that Robert would reject him after what he’d done but it was what he deserved, wasn’t it? Jack was right, he was a violent thug, who would love someone like him? He didn’t deserve to be loved.

A tiny sob escaped Aaron's lips and he had trouble breathing, his chest felt heavy. He looked at Robert one more time.

“I heard you in the hospital. You said- you said you love me."

Robert looked up and their eyes finally met. Aaron could see tears in the other man's eyes, hurt and sadness too. His hands were balled into fists and he was shaking slightly. Aaron wanted to put his arms around him and comfort him.

“I do too, Robert. I love you. I think I have for a long while, I was just too scared to let you in. I know I’m not a good person and I don’t deserve your love. Just thank you for making me feel loved again and being able to love back. I’m sorry Robert. I’m sorry."

Aaron turned around on his heels and didn‘t look back again. He quickly walked out of the door and closed it behind him. Outside he felt his knees buckle and he fell backwards, and had to lean on the door to steady himself. He felt dizzy and tired. His chest hurt with every breath he took. He started walking and his steps turned into running, and soon he was running out of the Sugden‘s property.

He saw Adam standing next to the car waiting for him and the thought of not going back crossed his mind, he wasn’t sure he could face his friend right now. He’d promised to not push Adam away anymore though. 

Out of breath he stopped next to the car putting his hands on the roof to hold himself up and get his breathing back under control.

“Mate what happened?" Adam looked worriedly at his friend.

“Just get me home Ads, please."

\------------------------------------------------

A couple of minutes later they reached Emmerdale. The two men hadn’t talked much during their drive. Aaron was exhausted and just wanted to get home. He felt empty and he just wanted to get back to his bed.

Adam looked over to him with worry. “Mate talk to me. Did you see Robert?" 

Aaron looked emotionless out of the window, his fingers picking at the bandage.

“Aaron." His best friend spoke again.

The car came to an abrupt halt on the side of the road. Adam put his hand over Aaron’s to make the other man stop picking at his bandage.

“You promised you’d talk to me."

Aaron still didn’t look at his friend. He couldn’t. His eyes focused on a tree they had stopped by. His mind heavy with Robert..

Adam sighed loudly.

“He sent me home. He doesn’t want me but I can’t really blame him Ads. I treated him awfully and I hurt him." Aaron's voice was just a whisper.

“I am sorry Aaron. Do you want me to have a word with him? I can go and talk to him." His friend gently touched his shoulder.

Aaron shook his head, still looking out of the window.

“It’s gonna be alright Aaron. We’ll be there for you ok? You’re not alone."

Aaron took off his seatbelt and opened the car door.

“Where you going?" Adam reached out for him, but Aaron got out of the car before he could stop him.

He turned around. “I need to clear my head. I need to be on my own."

“No Aaron, I don’t want you to be alone." The other man protested.

Aaron tried to smile at his friend. “It’s fine, I promise I won’t do anything. I just need some time on my own."

Adam nodded, worry still written over his face. “You ring me later when you’re back home though ey?"

“Yeah." Aaron closed the door and started walking down the road. He didn’t know where to go he just needed to get some fresh air.

Adam waved at him when the car passed him.

The next hour Aaron was just wandering around the village. His head full of thoughts he couldn’t sort.

Seeing Robert had felt so good. He missed him so much. His laugh and soft hands. His freckles and tight grip around his shoulders. The way he could make the loud noises in his head stop.

He’d feared Robert wouldn’t want to see him again, not after he lashed out so badly. And who was he fooling, Jack was right, who would love a thug like him. A tear escaped his eye and ran down his cheek. Robert was with his evil Father again and Aaron had pushed him back there. It was his fault.

He suddenly stopped and looked up. His walk around had lead him to the cemetery. He hadn’t been here for a long while. The memories still too painful, and he hadn’t been strong enough to face them again. His heart felt heavy as he took his first step into the cemetery. It was quiet and no one else was around. He looked at all the graves and suddenly felt incredibly sad. All those people who had left their loved ones. How could anyone ever get over losing someone so important? He clenched his fist, the pain of losing his Mum, losing Robert, hitting him in big waves.

Then he saw it. His Mum's grave. They’d picked a white stone with golden letters on it. A golden angel was sitting on top of it. His feet felt heavy and his chest felt tight. He slowly walked over to the stone. All his energy ran out of him and his knees buckled. With a thump he sat himself down on the grass in front of the grave. There were red roses lying in front of it and he could see one of Lillian‘s teddys sitting on the side. He lifted his hand and softly ran his fingers along the engraved words on the stone which said “Beloved Mother."

“I’m sorry I haven‘t been to see you for a while." Aaron had trouble getting the words out.

“I should have gotten you roses every day. You loved them didn’t you? The red ones. I am sorry I’m such a bad Son. I’m sorry. I am sorry for not saving you, I am so sorry for not being happy even though I promised you I would, I am sorry. I am…"

With both hands on the gravestone, deep sobs wrecked his body and he finally let the tears fall.

Aaron just sat there for a while and cried. His throat felt dry and his face was puffy. It took him a while to get himself under control again so he could open his eyes.

“I miss you Mum. I miss you so much." He wiped away his tears with the back of his hand.

“And to make it worse I totally screwed up again. That’s just me isn’t it? I found someone. He just turned up one day and he totally changed my life. He made me happy, he made me feel safe, and for the first time in ages I felt like I could love again. But I screwed it up didn’t I? I let Gordon not just take you away, but also him."

More tears started to fall again and Aaron put his hand on his chest trying to calm his breathing.

“His name is Robert and he’s a right posh." Aaron laughed but his smile faded away quickly. “He’s funny and beautiful and makes the best lasagna. You’d love his tea. He always gets it on point. He’s also a mechanic and knows how to run a pub. The man of dreams, isn’t he, huh?" He chuckled.

His fingers played nervously with his bandage again, pressing down on the wound. The pain helped him to breathe again.

“I pushed him away though in the end. I hurt him. The one person I felt like I could trust and let myself love again. I’m a right fool aren’t I? I deserve it. I hurt the people around me. No one should be near me. I’ve lost him and I don’t know what to do Mum?"

He let his head fall on his chest and the tears started to fall again. He felt cold and alone and loud sobs wracked his body and made him shiver.

Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder and his head shot up in shock.

Two green soft eyes were looking at him. “You haven’t lost  _ him _ ."

Aaron started to shake, not being able to process that Robert was standing next to him. 

“Robert?“ He looked at the other man with big eyes.

The blonde man sat down next to Aaron in the grass. He looked over to the gravestone but didn’t speak again for a while.

Aaron couldn’t stop looking at the other man, hypnotised by his presence. Scanning over his face and hair and body. He looked tired.

Finally Robert looked at Aaron but then back at the gravestone.

“Hi Chas. I’m Robert and I’m in love with your Son. He’s a right grumpy git and he can be so stubborn, but he’s got the biggest heart and his smile shines brighter than the sun. He makes the best morning toast and he is the sexiest barman ever, and don’t get me started on him in those work overalls."

Aaron wiped his tears away and laughed. He looked surprised at the other man.

“He made it ok for me to be who I am. Who I want to be. He showed me what unconditional love means. He made me feel free and happy."

The blonde man blinked some tears away and finally really looked at Aaron. He gently cupped his cheeks with his hands and ran a finger along Aaron's scruffy jawline. Aaron leant into the touch and closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry I sent you away. I was just scared."

Aaron opened his eyes again and put his hands over Robert’s, feeling the same energy running through him, like the first time he’d touched the other man.

“I’m so sorry Robert, for hurting you, running away and scaring you, I need you so much. I- I love you."

He barely got the words out, his voice shaking hard.

Robert put a finger on the other man’s lips. “Shhhh it’s alright I know. I never should have let my Dad send you away. He never should have touched you. I’m sorry Aaron."

Feeling the invisible pull again, Aaron lunged forward and threw his arms around the other man, hiding his face in his chest.

Robert softly stroked up and down the brunette‘s back.

“I promise I’ll get help. I‘ll get better. I won’t push you away again." Aaron mumbled against the other man's chest, not letting him go.

The blonde man lifted Aaron's chin up to look him in the eyes. “It’s ok. I’ll help you and I won’t let you push me away again. Ever."

The two men smiled at each other. Robert pulled Aaron towards him and placed a soft kiss on his lips, and then kissed the tears away on the other man's cheeks.

He threw an arm around Aaron's shoulder and they sat there for a little while longer, in quiet. 

Robert came back to him. Robert loved him. Aaron‘s heart felt full and warm. He once more took Robert‘s hand, stroking it softly. He brought his other hand to Robert’s face and softly touched the bright red scar on it.

“Thanks for not giving up on me."

The blonde smiled at him. “Right back at you." He squeezed his shoulder gently.

“What about getting out of here, my butt is getting wet and cold."

Aaron chuckled and looked over to the gravestone. “See Mum, told you he was a right posh."

“Hey." Robert poked him in his side, making Aaron yell out.

Then both men stood up and Robert held his hand towards Aaron. “Ready?"

Aaron nodded and looked at the gravestone once more. “Bye Mum. I promise I’ll come back soon."

He took Robert‘s hand and they left the cemetery together.

\--------------------------------

“Hattschoooo." Aaron handed Robert a blanket and went over to the kitchen to get their teas ready. He sent a quick message to tell Adam he was home and alright. He’d tell him the news later when he had time.

“Told you I was getting cold butt."

Aaron laughed and filled their mugs with hot tea. He popped some bread into the toaster and made his way over to the couch.

“Here get this down your neck. Can’t believe you caught a cold you softie."

Robert took the mug and carefully sipped on it. He didn't want to burn his lips on the hot drink.

Aaron sat down next to Robert draping the blanket over both of their legs.

“What happened after I had left your place?" Aaron asked curiously.

“Shit this is hot." Robert put the mug back on the table. “I came back to myself didn’t I. He was going on about you being a thug and a bad person, and I couldn’t stand it so I yelled at him that I love you. I went upstairs and got my stuff. I didn’t even say goodbye I just left. I am sorry I let you go again."

Aaron shook his head. “It’s ok I understand. I wasn’t expecting you to come back with me. Thank you that you did."

Robert leant over to kiss him on the cheek. “I will never hide things from you again Aaron I promise."

Aaron grabbed Robert by his jumper and put a kiss on his lips.

“Hattschooooo." Robert turned his head away “Sorry."

Aaron laughed again and softly rubbed the other man‘s shoulder.

Both men leant back against the sofa and Aaron‘s head fell on the other man's shoulder.

“Do you think we can make this work Robert?"

Robert nodded. “Yeah, yeah I think we can make this work together Aaron."

Aaron felt his eyes getting heavier and he blinked a couple of times to keep them open. He looked over to Robert who‘s eyes started to get heavy too. He yawned loudly. Aaron smiled at him happily till the other man‘s head fell back on the couch and his eyes closed completely. Soft snores were coming from his mouth. Aaron smiled. He looked adorable. God he’d missed him so much. This. Just being close to him.

He had his Robert back. He never thought he’d get him back after everything that happened. Robert loved him and he loved Robert and he wouldn’t let anyone ruin this ever again.

He carefully intertwinded their fingers, not wanting to wake up Rob again.

Exhausted from the day, Aaron closed his eyes and let sleep drag him under.

\--------------------------------

**One year later.**

He pulled up his car in front of the pub and saw Robert sitting outside on the stairs reading the newspaper. He always waited for him when he had a new counseling session, and Aaron was happy to see him.

He got out of the car and walked over to his fiance. His fiance, he still couldn’t believe he popped that question a couple of weeks ago. They had a row and Aaron had stormed out of the pub. He can’t even remember what it was about, just that he came back with a ring and he asked Robert to marry him and he had said yes. He still felt that happiness in his heart. Fiance sounded really good.

“You alright?" Robert looked up from reading his newspaper. “How did it go?" 

His eyes looked soft and Aaron knew Rob was tasting the waters to figure out what mood he was in. 

Aaron slumped down next to the other man on the steps who immediately put the paper away. 

Going to therapy always got it out of him and sometimes he couldn’t stand being near people afterwards. Robert was understanding and gave him space at those times. Today had been alright though. He was tired but in general things were ok. He touched Robert‘s hand gently. 

“We talked about you today.”

Robert took his hand. “Yeah? Told them what an idiot I’ve been."

Aaron laughed. “You are an idiot but no I told them how you saved me."

Robert's face softened. “So did you. Save me."

“Soft." Aaron squeezed the other man's hand.

“You started it. Seriously Aaron I am proud of you for doing the counselling. You’re so strong."

“Because I have you on my side Robert." Aaron quickly leant over and put a kiss on the blonde man’s cheek. “You make me strong."

Rob shook his head. “You’ve always been strong Aaron."

Aaron lowered his head, his face blushing. ”Stop it you."

“Let’s get inside huh?" Robert softly shoved Aaron’s shoulder. “Oh and I've got news for you."

Aaron looked up questioningly.

“I got a call earlier from the surrogacy agency. They found a match for us."

Aaron's face lit up. “You mean we can go through with the surrogacy? Rob I’m –” The brunette lunged forward and threw his arms around his fiance who hugged him tightly.

“Yes we're gonna have our baby, Aaron, it’s happening."

Tears welled up in Aaron's eyes. A baby. Their Daughter or Son. Aaron couldn’t believe it was happening. He never thought he’d have his own family, a fiance, children. His heart almost jumped out of his chest.

The men broke up their hug and Robert connected their lips once more.

“I love you."

“I love you too. Wanna spread the news?" Rob pulled at Aaron’s hand.

“Yeah, just gimme a sec." Aaron smiled at Robert and looked over to his Mum’s picture on the wall.

“You ok?" Rob asked worriedly.

Aaron reassuringly squeezed Rob's hand. “Yeah I am good, just gotta tell her the news too right?"

Rob nodded and kissed Aaron again, and then disappeared into the pub.

Aaron turned around to face his Mum’s picture, he softly ran a finger over it. “Hey Mum, I am gonna be a husband, I am gonna be a Dad, who would have thought ey? I am happy Mum, I am so happy. I love you and miss you so much."

He smiled at the picture once more and made his way into the pub.

“There you are, I thought I’d lost you for a sec." Rob put a pint in Aaron's hand.

“Come on get in, you wanna spread the good news?"

Aaron looked around. The family was there. Adam and Vic. Lillian and little Isaac. Moira and Cain.

It was loud in the pub, everyone was talking, the kids were running around.

Aaron felt this warmth in his heart again, he felt home with his family.

He put the pint on the counter as Rob took his hand and pulled him over to their family.

Cain nodded at him. “You alright lad?"

Aaron smiled at him.

“Hey everyone we gotta tell you something." Robert spoke out loud to get everyone's attention.

“What’s up? You proposing Sugden? He’s already yours no need to worry." Adam shouted from one of the booths. 

“Oh shut up Adam." Victoria slapped him on the shoulder.

Robert looked at Aaron once more and squeezed his hand.

“We had a call from the surrogacy agency this morning. They've found a Mother who’d want to carry our child."

Lillian ran in front of Aaron and Robert and jumped up and down. “Aaron and Rob gonna be Daddies, gonna be Daddies. Can it be a girl please I can play with her."

Everyone laughed. Moira came around to hug Aaron and Adam made his way over too.

“I am chuffed for you Aaron, this is great. You deserve this so much."

“This needs celebrating. Next round is on me." Cain clapped Aaron and Robert on their shoulders.

Robert turned around to Aaron. “You happy?"

Aaron smiled and kissed him on the mouth passionately. “I’m happy."

When Aaron looked over Robert’s shoulder he saw someone standing at the backdoor to the living room.

“Mum?"

When he looked again he realised it was his Gran standing there. Not his Mother. For a second he could have sworn she was there. Faith softly smiled at him and whispered. “She’s with you, always." 

Aaron smiled at her softly. He turned around and bumped into Robert who threw an arm around him and gave him a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

He was happy, he was loved, he was home.

He hoped his Mum was looking down on him now and saw him being happy, he did, he was happy.


End file.
